the grass isnt always greener--update on bottom

Val

to you girls that told me to stay away from the baby daddy!!!
i nvr stopped txting him and yesterday we "met" up for drinks at his sisters house...i didnt get home ill almost 3 in the morning!!!! you could imagine how much drama it has caused with the bf!!
anway nothing happened btwn us but we were drunk and we got all emotional about why n how we didnt work out--obviously we hadnt gotten over certain things to make a long story short our night ended up with us arguing all over again just like the olsd times--my bf isnt talking to me hes pissed!! he doesnt know i was with him but the fact that i got home at the time--he tells me he knows i was with someone else and isnt talking to me at all!!!!!
so now im stuck with out talking to neither one of them. I LOVE BF idk why i met up w the baby daddy!
i want things to work bt me the bf but what do i do now??? he didnt call things off but its the worst feeling in the world that he cant even look at me noe even listen at all ahghhhhh plz girls give me some advice

Val

@veevee @jules @ExcitedForOctober

natashalynn

Well, lying to him about where you were and what you were doing isn't going to help. You gotta fess up and tell the truth. Give him some time to calm down, then explain what's going on. Be honest, and explain how you want things to work. I'd be pretty upset in his shoes, and it'll be a tough one to work through. But you can do it. Good luck hun.

MerandaGarcia

Agreed^^^

Val

@natashalynn-- thank im beyond scared of the thought of loosing him. I love him i wasn thinking straight i wanna call him n try n talk to him but i know its best to give it some time!!! aghhh i just wanna cry i do not feel like being here at work!

MerandaGarcia

Maybe it will help to write out what you wanna say. Then while your with him he can read it or you read it to him to kinda help sort out your feelings.

YNVTish

Hell NAW... DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU WERE! If you think its bad now, its gonna be massive!

Take this experience and learn from it. Leave BD alone and attend to BF. Sometimes you have to take 2 steps back to move ahead.

It's time to STOP texting BD and commit your full attention to your BF. What you're doing isn't fair to EVERYONE involved including yourself. Be good to yourself.

MyLove2

@YNVTish I agree!

He will I'm sure ask you why are you even bothering your BD? He's gonna think as if your acting like he's not good enough to take care of your child that's coming from that BD...Alot of things bad can come from you telling him...

BUT, then again since you didn't come home until 3am he's going to wonder and get very suspicious and most cheats get unraveled by them coming home early morning or in the middle of the night. So if he's already figure3d it out you were with some other man you might as well explain the rest of the story, who the other man was and your intentions.

Val

@MerandaGarcia- i did leave a small letter on the couch before i left to work telling him im sorry telling him i love him and i want him to plz find it in his heart to get over this bump in the road
@YNVTish- yes i wasnt palnning to tell him i could only imagine how crazy that'll make him your right--it isnt fair not to anyone. idk maybe i thought i still had feelings for the bd but as i found ou tlast night i had this illusion i only htought of the "good things" reality hit wen i seen his old ways

BACKGROUND--
me and the bf have been fighting for the past two weeks. Ive been coming h0me from work to find him drunk with like 10 of his friends--it has been driving me crazy so i ask n told him that i didnt wanna deal with that, that shit had to stop n it didnt so i guess when i got invited for drinks with the bd i didnt think twice about it.
But now im the bad person cus i left yeea i know it was wrong but he sure has a way to make me feel like shit

1stWoodsBaby

I.agree with YNVtish

perly

@val give him some space. Let bf come around when he is ready. Im sorry hunn, but now you know that two wrongs dont make one right. If bf loves you, he will come around.

ExcitedForOctober

This is a hard one. If I told the truth to my bf he would never forgive me. I know how bad it is to lie in a, relationship. But why don't you just let him cool off then tell him that you just have been really angry and stressed by his behavior so u needed a night out?

Wilsomom

What would you want him to do if it was reversed?

JuliansMommy

No matter how bad things are with your bf it doesn't justify your actions. I'd say just let it be if you guys are meant to be he'll come around.

Val

@perly im hoping a whole day by himself will help him cool down
@ExcitedForOctober i dont know what to do-- im hoping it didnt make the worse n me go home to find him drunk again with his friends--which i have a strong feeling that thats exactly what going to happen
@Wilsomom-- id be ferious i know i would i dont blame him for that part i would love love love some major kissing assing as stupid as that may sound; i guess what im trying to say is i would want to make me feel like im hes everythign n that he really wants to me n im trying to do that but he doesnt even want me near him

Val

@JuliansMommy- yes i know your right; it plain out wasnt right of me

Wilsomom

I just wonder as far as telling him the whole truth or not whether you would want him to tell you or if you'd rather not know. It's a tough call, but typically the truth always comes out eventually.

Math_Mommy

DEFINITELY DON'T TELL HIM!!! Guys don't understand the concept of hanging out late/all night with someone unless there is at least a possibility of sex. No guy would hang out just talking to a girl until 3 am unless they thought they were going to get laid. Therefore, they can't fathom the idea of a girl (especially their gf) "just talking" with another guy that late. Even if he wants to believe you, he won't be able to shake the idea that something happened. So, it will just make the situation way worse. Stick to your story; it will blow over.

ashley_smashley

^^^ they can't fathom it bc a girl (or vice versa) can't hang out with a man until 3am with out at least the thought of being sexual attracted... That's why it was wrong.

Can't say what I would do in this situation...I feel like my guilt would eat me alive...you can't build a relationship on trust and loyalty if there are lies anf half truths..

Math_Mommy

My cousin and her fiancée's engagement was ruined by something similar. She went to the bar one night while he was working midnights. She got drunk and stupid and went home with a bartender. Nothing happened and she slept on his couch. (I really think she just did it because she was lonely with him working midnights, and she's just the type of girl who needs the security of having a man around.) She told him. He told his mom and sisters. Long story short, as much as he wanted to forgive/believe her (and he LOVED her SO MUCH), he couldn't get over his doubt about her story (and his mom and sisters wouldn't let him).

Val

@Math_Mummy he did thro that in my face last night about not wanting to purpose to me anymore idk what to think im going crazy i hate this feeling he wont answer any of calls or txt me back

Math_Mommy

@Ashley_smashley I don't think that's always true for women. The things that women typically want from men (security, companionship) can be very different than the thing(s) men want from women, and can exist outside sexual attraction. If she doesn't tell him, the guilt is her burden to bear. If she does, they are both miserable and the chances the relationship will recover are severely diminished (which may be what's "right" in the end but nonetheless painful for both parties).

Val

@Math_Mommy you took the words right out of my mouth^^

ashley_smashley

I don't agree, but that's a discussion for a different thread!

Math_Mommy

It may take some extra time and devotion to regain his trust. But that is still a possibility (if you told him it may not be). Good luck, I hope your misery ends soon and you two can be happy again!!!

Val

is there anything i can possibly buy him?? you know guys can buy roses and chocolates..what can i buy him NO im not trying to buy his love ijust want my sry a lil more sensere n meaningful

perly

This is a hard one. We just never know how he may react. Honestly @val i think you should do what you think is the right thing to do. Only you know who he is, what he is like and how he would react if he found out years from now. Would you rather get this over with now or just deal with it later, when you could be possibly married and with kids and in full blown happiness? Its up to you hunn.

Angelmonkeymelody

I'm with @perly if he finds out later on then things can break off and ya i know now it can also but if things get better and he find out it well hurt him worse..

perly

@val ok, if you are gonna go out and get him a gift then you might as well tell him what you are really sorry for. As far as he knows, you were out drinking until 3am and although that is reason to be sorry for, being this extra sorry is only going to make him suspicious and you're gonna have to lie to cover up your half truth. If you don't want to tell him the whole truth then just let him come around. When he does, you can tell him that finding him drunk with his friends almost everyday was getting to you so you went out for some drinks to relax and ended up losing track of time. You understand that staying out that long was not the answer to this and you are sorry and you will communicate with him better from now on. Then the next couple of days, be more loving with him and that's it.

Val

@perly- oh shit!! i read ur msg a lil late... i just called have some balloons and a bear diliver to him FML!!!

perly

@val anything happen ever since?