Advice please

Scott_Jessica1stbabyScott_Jessica1stbaby
edited October 2012 in Not Pregnancy Related - NPR
I could use your help on this matter because I am torn and cannot decide what I should do. My mother-in-law has a bunch of old clothes from when her kids were young; as well as, some items that her father made for her that she played with as a child and than passed along for her children to play with. She has recently given me the items that her father made for her (a wood highchair and bassinet she can use for her dolls). My Husband does not want them and I really don't think I want them either. We do not have an attic or a basement. Our house is a decent size, but we do not have room to store items like this until she is old enough to play with them. I do not want to hurt her feelings and get rid of them, but at the same time I do not want to feel forced to keep them when we did not ask for them. She has also given me some clothes that I also feel that I have to keep that my daughter can no longer wear. These items do not have the same sentimental value to my Husband and I as they do to her. I could always make the room for the stuff, but she is constantly giving me things and I do not know how to ask her to stop or at least wait until my daughter is old enough to play with the items. She also gave me a bunch of clothes for my son who is due in December that cannot be worn until he is at least 8 years old. What would you ladies do?

Comments

  • trixiesmom8trixiesmom8
    Say politely that you appreciate those things, but you do not have the space to store them right now, also for the things that do not fit her anymore, say thank you but she has out grown them. My parents do the same thing, my sisters will be 11 in January and they just pulled out all of their baby clothes...I'm not looking forward to having to go through those..11 years is a big wardrobe change(if that makes sense).
  • julesjules
    I think that of yours husband and u have not had the conversation yet you should and then he needs to be the one to talk to her. It's not going to be a big deal if he brings it up the right way. Just simply we do not have room and a lot of the things cannot be used for long time. Would u like me to bring them back or pass then r on to sometime else.
  • Scott_Jessica1stbabyScott_Jessica1stbaby
    @trixiesmom8 I tried to talk to her about it. She told me that I could do whatever I wanted with the items, but not without informing me again that her father made the items or that they belonged to her kids when they were younger. Naturally, I felt guilty. I still feel guilty. 11 years is a big wardrobe change. I completely agree. I have tried to humor her by taking some photos with my daughter wearing some of the items, but I feel like sometimes that just isn't enough. She never seems to be satisfied.
    @jules Thank you. I agree. I think it would be best for him to talk to her. I did try, but she may not mind as much hearing it from him. I like the way you worded it. It makes it sound like he appreciates the items that way she will not get offended.
  • trixiesmom8trixiesmom8
    I like the way jules put it. She is trying to guilt you into keeping the stuff, that's not right! If she doesn't "care" what you do with them, then I would be giving them back, esp the doll stuff. Say that they are nice but since they have so much sentimental value to her, you don't want anything to happen to them. As for the clothes, its clothes, they out date after a few years anyways so be polite and have hubby give them back.
  • Scott_Jessica1stbabyScott_Jessica1stbaby
    @trixiesmom8 Thank you. I am so glad to have another opinion. I have been beating myself up over this. I thought I was being mean by not wanting to keep the items. I think I am going to have to talk with my Husband soon and let him know that he needs to talk to her. I will be relieved to not have all this guilt anymore.
  • trixiesmom8trixiesmom8
    I know what you mean, my parents try and give me stuff all the time and I feel guilty if I don't take it.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    I have the same problem with my husbands grandmother. My son was 3,4,5,6 months old and she was giving me bags and bags of 3,4t stuff. I donate it unless there is a nice coat or something.
  • Scott_Jessica1stbabyScott_Jessica1stbaby
    @char I think I may end up having to do the same. I will have my Husband talk with her first. I hope she takes the sentimental items back. I would hate to just donate them.
  • julesjules
    Thanks you I really hope it all works out. I hate random stuff in my house too I just get rid of it usually but with thing like that it's too noticible. I hope he talked to her
  • JoshnEviesmumJoshnEviesmum
    I would ask her to keep them at her place for the kids to play with there. U cN say its because space is limited. With regards to the clothes, ask her if she would mind you donating to somebody in real need, i.e a homeless shelter, an orphanage or something like that.
  • sehra4177sehra4177
    Lol, my mom is the queen of keeping...she still has stuff that I played with when younger. No clothes but toys...she will send stuff home with my daughter who is already a pack rat. We don't need anymore stuff here. I'm ocd and hate clutter so I throw stuff away...then my mom asks where is this or that? I tell her I threw it away...needless to say she stopped sending stuff home no:) she has an attachment to it but doesn't want tbe clutter so she sends it here...that way its still in the family. Once she found out I got rid of stuff...she started sending stuff to my sisters house...I'd say have your hubby talk to her and if it doesn't work...just ask if she wants an item back bc your cleaning up and if she says no tell her you are throwing it away...that may do it.
  • MáthairMáthair
    Tell her maybe your daughter can play with them at her house so she can further enjoy the toys and the memories they carry. That or be honest and explain that you just do not have the room.
  • Scott_Jessica1stbabyScott_Jessica1stbaby
    @joshneviesmum I like both ideas. She has a basement and a very large attic, so I do not see any reason why she couldn't keep the items there unless she needs the space for something else. I will mention to her about donating the clothes.
    @sehra4177 I am to that point. I don't think I could do it though. I wish she would send the items to my sister-in-law, but she has a 9 year old son, so the items are not appropriate for him.
    @mathair I tried telling her we do not have the space, but she seemed so offended and heartbroken, so I will have my Husband talk to her. We are supposed to be going over there this week. I will have him bring it up than. I like the way you worded that and honestly I think it would be best for the items to be over there. I know she would enjoy seeing my daughter play with them more than I would since they are special to her.
  • FrantasticFrantastic
    People gave me all kinds of stuff when I was pregnant with my son. I just politely took it, said thank you, and then promptly took it to good will. A lot of it was really old or out of date and I just didn't want /need it. If anyone asks just say it's in storage.
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