I'm dying inside

Lacy809Lacy809
edited November 2012 in Not Pregnancy Related - NPR
This is all hitting me so very hArd now. I don't want to go home, not to stay alone without him or to even go through his stuff. I never in my life imagined I would have to play the song I wanted to play at our wedding at his funeral instead.. I can't help but think if only I would have actually woken up in the middle of the night last night when I could kinda hear the nurses in the room and him not responding. I wish I wouldn't have assumed he was knocked out from his sleeping pill cause I was so exhausted.. Maybe had I of gotten up they could have done surgery to save him.. I hate this so much. I don't know where to go from here my heart has broken into a million pieces

Comments

  • littlenat86littlenat86
    Sweetie if they could have done something they would have, he was in the best place for him. I cant even begin to imagine the pain you are in. Do you have someone with you so you aren't alone? X
  • RoxyRoxy
    I know how heart broken u may feel. it feels ur heart is gone ur lost. it hurts so bad u dnt know how ur gonna get threw this. going back home without him is the worst feeling. not seeing him when u wake up even hurts more. I know how hard it is u just want to scream and cry so loud and tell God why. so many things u feel it could have been prevented. but when time passes and u do heal you'll know it was he's time. we never know why but it happens. I know how much it hurts I been here. people well tell u its gonna b OK when u know its not. it hurts like hell you'll feel no one knows how much pain ur in. but there is one person that helped me God. pray pray pray u can get threw this even though u feel u can't. I well b praying for u. I'm really sry for ur lost I'm here if u need me.
  • firsttimemomfirsttimemom
    No words will make you feel better, no matter how much people talk to you, and tell you ir will be ok. Only you know how you feel and how long it will take. I feel so bad, my heart is broken for you. I can't imagine what your doing through. I pray that god will help you heal, he will guide you through this and be there for you.
  • StarlillyStarlilly
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
  • erkiehadagirlerkiehadagirl
    i couldnt imagine what your goiung threw ill be thinking of you and your family...stay as strong as you can
  • MommyLovesSparkleMommyLovesSparkle
    I'm really so so sorry what your going through! Nothing is your fault, if they could have done surgery to make it better they would've regardless if you were in the room or not. Hang in there honey he's with you in spirit
  • ashley_smashleyashley_smashley
    I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. When my first husband was KIA in Iraq 4 years ago (just 2 weeks before he was set to return from his second 15 month your), it was all like a dream for me...I can remember picking out his casket and feeling like I was having an out of body experience. Thibgs like this dibt happen to me..they happen to other people I didn't want to go home either. Everything reminded me of him. My mom finally made me do it (after a month of living with her). She came and helped me pack his things ...actually she packed it all for me bc I just sat at our dining room table and stared into space. Eventually I started to go they his things. I would just take it one box at a time, and stop when I needed to. I gave a lot of his things to his mom, and her and I both agreed to give the bulk of his clothes to a homeless shelter. He was always trying to help people so that was a fitting way. He even started a charity to have people donate soccer balls to give to Iraqi kids bc they used old cans for soccer. Anyway...I am here if you ever need to chat Ashley.nicole2009@yahoo.com
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  • Maymommy2011Maymommy2011
    I am so sorry :( praying for you
  • heyitsmeheyitsme
    :( I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you feel.... =((
  • Lacy809Lacy809
    I feel so numb and so lost.. I have so many things that are just eating at me
  • CristinaLynnCristinaLynn
    I lost my fiance October 28, 2007 while I was 7 weeks pregnant with our daughter. It was so hard and it felt like I had been drained. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I would never want someone to feel that pain. If you need to talk I'm here. Even if it's just to write how you feel and cry I won't mind hun. <3
  • luvmy5luvmy5
    I have no words as I know no matter what it will not bring him back and I know personally I always disliked hearing 'I'm sorry', so I will say my heart goes out to you and I pray you find peace and your emotional pain lessens quickly. Remember the good times, I know trying to forget and push aside your last memories of him being ill will be very diffiult, but try to think of the good and keep his memory alive. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell then yell. If you need someone to just listen, we are all here for you. Hang in there. In our thoughts and condolences.
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