i think i finally reached my breaking point!!

MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
edited December 2012 in Relationships
i have given 8 years to this man,put up with a lot of shit,( i wasn't always innocent)..BUT...ive come a looong way.im tired of him making me feel worthless,i constantly gta hear i cant do anything right or im good for nothing,or dumbass stupid ass fuck stick,i refuse to have my daughter grow up thinking its ok for a man to talk to her the way her father talks to me!
today he gets pissed cuz i was helping my gram with her new laptop for 2 hrs then went shopping with my friend a couple hours,i didnt know i had a curfew,he says im lying & " fu** u bit** " im losing my mind! i tell him im leaving & he says im too sensitive and ill be back & that he doesn't disrespect all the time,he shouldn't be doing it at all!
im a sahm,with NO money,i work one day a week so its a lot to take in having to move back home with gramma,it seems like its such a long way to happy.but this relationship is toxic,when does it end & where do i start????

Comments

  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    My best friend has literally just gone through something very similar. She wasn't with her man for that long, only 3 years, but they did have a child together. Her first step was realizing her relationship was abusive, emotionally and mentally. He'd call her names. Give her huge guilt trips if she went out, but it was okay for him to go out. She got in shit for spending $30 on drinks with a friend,nd he was okay to spend $100's on pot. They went through the classic cycle of 'honey moon period (promise her vacations, propose etc) , calm time, tension building, then the explosion shit time. Her first step, was realizing she wanted out. Then it was having a plan. She called me to come pick her up one night (her plan sucked, she told him she was leaving him in the middle of the night, he snapped and got violent) and since her family is a 8 hour flight away, she and her daughter ran to my parents house) and sorted everything out with the assistance of my family. Now she's flown back home and is sorting the legalities out there.

    Whew. Sorry for the novel. But in short,
    Decide if you want out
    Make a plan to get yourself and your child(
    Re ) out of the home safely (short term), a plan to get your belongings (medium term) and a plan on how to support your family (long term) and involve your support team in that plan (family, close friends)

    Best of luck hun.

    Again sorry so long. It was heartbreaking watching my friend go through all this crap, and I hate of thinking of anyone going through it.
    Good luck.
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    @natashalynn its crazy how similar! no woman should ever go through this,he was physical then calmed down for a few years then put me in the er a couple months ago from kicking my foot,i KNOW i want out,the process seems so scary,im calling my stepmom tomorrow to work on our plan.
  • julesjules
    I think u need out and now but since u have child it's very good to call your step mom to get everything organized. He sounds selfish, rude, and crazy out of good mind. No one deserves to be treated like that especially like u said there is child watching and doesn't need to learn that negative behavior. I'm sure you're family will be haply to help and the fact that his been physical will be helpful when it comes to the child because she shouldn't be around him on her own until he can get his act together at least
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    @jules agreed,hes got this macho attitude considering hes the soul provider of our household,yet he doesn't see anything wrong with it
  • stephforever89stephforever89
    Its going to be hard at first. Just make sure you have a really good support system. Don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. You need all the support you can get to avoid the feeling of having to go back.
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    If you leave you need to commit to it too. Stay with someone every hour of the day if you need to to not call, text whatever with him so you're not convinced to go back. That's the most dangerous thing.
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    And yes it'll be hard but even though my friend is still sorting stuff out, shes happier than I've seen her in a loong time.
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    @natashalynn thats my problem,he keeps calling & i start to feel bad
  • RoxyRoxy
    I say leave scare him let him know he can lose u. Thats proubly y he treats u this way. He might think your never going any were u guys been togather for some time. So its gonna b hard even with a child. He needs sime time to relize what he has
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    ive left him before @roxy things only remain good for a little while,i feel like im getting too old for this back n forth bs,i want a real life whether its with or without him
  • perlyperly
    @mybambina28 you need to take into consideration how guilty you will feel if one day your daughter allows someone to be abusive to her because she never saw mommy stand up for herself when she went through the same thing.
    No one deserves to be treated the way you are being treated now, and it will never stop until you put an end to it. Worst of all, is that your daughter is suffering a lot more than you are because she can pick up the negativity in her home. You owe it to yourself and to your daughter to get out of that abusive lifestyle and never allow anyone to bring that in your life ever again. You are stronger than you think, you are not only a woman but you are a mother, and you have the strength to do A LOT more than you think. Don't let a man decide the quality of life you and your daughter can have, because men are selfish and as long as you allow them to walk all over you, they will.
  • RoxyRoxy
    Well then u gotta do what u gotta do cause when u do leave since u came back before hes gonna asume youll b back. I know it sucks and hard but he dnt deserve u. Your a good woman a great mom. I know no ones perfect. But hes mean and rude and he deserves to b alone I hope u have a gd plan and stick with it
  • julesjules
    I hate that! Some men see just like that. They love to be the boss and control their SO with everything and money is just start for some. My gf got divorce because it got so bad that be was telling her what and when to eat how much she needed to work out where she could go and tried controlling her life with friends as well. I think it's great that u can see his behavior and won't deal with it no one deserves to be treated that way. I am very sorry. I hope u can get out of the situation sooner then later.
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    Im sorry to jump in this cpversation like this but i'm starting see the same thing with my relationship as well. My husband has been calling me "shellfish b****" crazy, telling me that cant even cook rice right, broken my stuff like my brand new laptop so now I'm out of college(that's a LOVELY story right there too)i need new bras. Been needing for a lot time. He wants to buy parts so i get only 1 bra that fits me. He has told me that if we get a divorce he would take the kids from me. I'm no saint either by all means but it makes me mad that I let him get away with so much. I love my kids so much but sometimes I wish they werent there to see how we talk to each other or listen to the things he tells me that dealt hurt and then he apologizes. A long some other things I know I'm in basically an abusive realtionship and I really don't know why I stay. My mother and us grew up and basically In the same enviroment and I know what it did to her. I was in a depressive state a few years ago with caused me to get to the point that was suicidal and I went impatient treatment center. Before that I threaten suicide a few other times and all I got from him was "do it then" sometimes he would threaten to kill himself in front of me or that lets just both do it since you want to do it so bad.sometimes acutally hand me a loaded gun. He would yell at me to snap out of it. Yes because anyone with severe depression can magically just get out of their funk. Its been over 1.5 yrs since ive been on medication and I'm doing well. Now that I'm out of my funk I can see the person that he is...depressed himself. Although he doesn't admit it I see it. I love him but there are times I fantizie about just taking the babies and leaving his ass like he did to me when I needed him. :( sorry I'm just rambling on here....
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    @kayleigh27 why dont you? after reevaluating my relationship for a loooong time im starting ti believe theres a light at the end of my tunnel,he destroys everything in our home too,i also had depression,ive been off meds a few yrs now,that was my first battle,its insane how u can feel so weak and so strong at the same time.
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    @perly THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!! your comment alone is motivation.ill have to keep re reading it everytime i feel a sense of weakness coming on.
  • MyBamBina28MyBamBina28
    @perly THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!! your comment alone is motivation.ill have to keep re reading it everytime i feel a sense of weakness coming on.
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    @mybambina28 yep I know. I remember thinking how stupid that people stay in that situation and don't do anything about it. And here I am now doing the SAME thing.
  • perlyperly
    @mybambina28 Im glad it is. My mom has been single since i was 2 years old. My dad put her through hell and back, but she never failed to give me the live i deserved. This woman has never allowed anyone to be disrespectful to her, and she has always fought for what she believed in. My dad threw us out and he said "you will come back, because without me you have nothing, you are nothing." My mom took those words and came back 10 times stronger. She was 25 years old, with no education, not knowing another language besides Spanish and without a cent she managed to work three jobs and within a month we had moved into our own apartment. 3 years from then she bought the house she lives in now. She is now 46 years old, and is such a successful woman.
    You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, because no one knows you better than yourself, and that is the legacy you want your daughter to carry on when you are gone.
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    @perly I'm so happy to hear your mom was so strong. I told my friend that if she were to be happy with her daughter having the same relationship she does now, then by all means stay. But if she wanted better for her daughter, she had to set an example. We tend to follow our parents relationship.
  • julesjules
    @kayleigh27 it sounds to me that you want out but your scared to loose your babies to him. What I would do if I were u is try to sit down with a attorney or lawyer maybe u can get free consultation or u know someone or u have friend that knows someone and just simply ask what are the chances and if he can give them the reasons he may use against u and the things u know about him. Because normally both parents get equal rights unless there are drugs, alcohol, mental instability, or one parent just works a lot or one parents doesn't have safe living environment. These are the things to think about. U can even make list yourself maybe u need it to see things better as well. This way u have options and clear mind. Good luck!
  • captivatedcaptivated
    I would highly recommend that you begin keeping a factual journal asap. Dates, times and exact description of incidents. No emotions or feelings, but just a backup document of occurances. You also want to get as much documentation as you possibly can. Hospital records of your ER trip. Call the cops or file police reports during any instances of abuse. Hope you can escape this with as little effects as possible. I worry that if you leave, he will spitefully attempt to gain custody of your child and with no physical evidence of his abusive ways, they won't even be admitted in court. Good luck!
  • StarlillyStarlilly
    I say don't wait to leave! But that's me! When I left mine I left everything behind! I left with the clothes on my daughters and my back! He can have it all! I went to a womems shelter and they helped me with everything!
  • perlyperly
    @natashalynn Im so proud of my mom. I look up to her. I believe in my inner strength because of her.

    I agree with @starlilly, just go. One day, while he is at work pack your clothes and your daughter's clothes and important documents and have someone pick you up and go. There is no need to stay there a minute longer. If he tries threatening you, call the cops. That is all nonsense that you do not have to put up with.
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