How to deal...TMI *update*

kayleigh27kayleigh27
edited January 2013 in Relationships
Hopefully this wont get blocked** :)....soo basically my husband has some issues...as in sexual. We've been married for about 4 yrs now and I'm getting super frustrated to say the least. When we are intimate its over quick. My husband sometimes doesn't even finish because he is unable to. Even with his 'personal time' he cannot last long at all. Foreplay is not great because we have to basically hurry because of him. We have tried taking rests, condoms, even a numbing cream to try to keep him ok. Im trying to not say anything too hurtful because he has told its been brothering him forever too but I don't know how much I can deal with it. I'm jealous of other peoples Sex lives(from close friends I have) because here I am 22 yrs old and I'm to the point to where I Hate to even try to be intimate with him because I never get pleased(unless I use a toy) and I want that. I was a virgin when I met him so I feel like I'm missing out on what we could have...I dont have even really enjoyed Sex because of this...anyone have any advice or words of wisdom

*update*
So he got referred to see an urologist. So in a few weeks we might be getting some help. *fingers crossed*

Comments

  • perlyperly
    If he is unable to ejaculate, why is the sex over so quick? One would think that he would keep going right? At least to get the pleasure of you having an orgasm...

    Im just asking a bunch of personal questions, sorry. Is there any medical doubts that he may have? Cause it could be a medical problem..
  • mommyof3girlsmommyof3girls
    I'm confused too. Can he not keep it hard? I'm sorry u have to b in this situation but he's ur husband. Has he ever gone to the doctor for it? Maybe u could encourage him to go in and be seen. Maybe there's something that can b done. Always worth a try.
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    edited January 2013
    @perly and @mommyof3girls he can get it erect but not fully and he prematurely ejaculates. He says that when he does its not all that great of a feeling. There's no "known" medical problems. I personally have never had an orgasm unless there was a toy involved. It sucks because we had Sex for a whole yr without any toys before we went and bought one for me because I cant orgasm in the 3-maybe 5 minutes we do it. We cant enjoy any of it because we have to rush to get it done before he finishes..it just doesn't feel good to me. Even when I'm fully aroused...oh and btw he is a young guy too(mid 20s)
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    Has he recently been or is he on any anti depressants? Sorry if that's too personal, but when my bf and I first started dating, he was all medicated, and he could only kinda get hard, and ejaculate early but without the actual orgasm feeling. Once he got off the meds (which was a messy business by itself) he slowly started getting better.
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    @natashlynn nope never been on them.
  • firsttimemomfirsttimemom
    Is he on drugs or does he drink a lot? does he have diabetes?
  • julesjules
    Honestly the questions I would ask are the same all if all those are a no then I say it's almost like he needs to learn to hold it and control it. I totally get you not wanting to hurt his feelings and sex is obviously not the number one thing on marriage but it is a part that's kinda important especially when your still young so in one way or another it has to be worked on and I'm sure your very nice about the topic with him so only he can try to not be too sensitive. You are his wife after all and I know I can talk to my husband about anything if you can't talk to your partner about things then who?!
  • perlyperly
    Then you should seek help. It may be that he doesn't know how to build his stamina. A guy knows when he is close to ejaculation and that's when most men (at least my husband) slow down or completely stops and starts a little foreplay again. Maybe he gets overly excited and that's why he can control how long he can last. BUT there are people that can help him build up his stamina. Kinda like sex therapy. Its worth a shot. I mean sex is another way of connecting, and i honestly think that every relationship needs it. Talk to him, because this problem belongs to both not just him. And it doesn't hurt to know extra tips to make sex better :)
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    Also, how often you have sex will play a role in how fast he is. I know when we have long dry periods, the first time back is always faster than normal.
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    @perly doesn't matter how slow he goes. He can completely stop and still ejaculate.

    @natashalynn we used to have Sex every few days..until recently because I'm just getting tired of not enjoying Sex anymore. Its been like this for years
  • perlyperly
    @kayleigh27 yeah then the problem might be that he gets too excited right away and it makes him ejaculate fast. Like i said, there is help out there for that kind of problems. I don't know how comfortable you are with seeking help about your sex life, but it could really help.
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    I would love to seek some type of help but you know men... [-( @perly
  • perlyperly
    @kayleigh27 yeah, i know lol. Well maybe it can start off as a regular doctor visit and see what you find out. Im not a doctor obviously, so i can only tell you my opinion but it could be more than that. Hopefully its not, and if it isn't maybe he can feel a little better hearing the therapy recommendation from a professional.
    Why are men so stubborn? I hate it lol.
  • mommyof3girlsmommyof3girls
    Oh that's great! I hope u guys can figure it out. :)
  • julesjules
    I'm glad he can get help. Honestly to me like I said before sounds like he just needs to learn how to control it and some men have to slow down or stop and some can just gold it in. Practice makes perfect :). I hope they have good news for him therefore you both can be happier.
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