how do u make him....

CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
edited January 2013 in Not Pregnancy Related - NPR
How do you make him ask you to marry you with out demanding it. I have brought it up many many times in yet still I get nothing. I have given him to babies we have a home in everything but yet I have no ring around my finger. I feel that it's time to finally get married. But when I bring it up all he tells me is that we are already married. That we are married legally because we have lived together for more than 5 months.

I just want any kind of pointers yall girls can give me. If you have any ideas how I can demand it without demanding it please tell me?
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Comments

  • RoxyRoxy
    edited January 2013
    I been with my partner for 8 years and no ring I dnt say nothing or mention it cause when he is ever ready hell ask I'm not gonna force him that way he can't say later I made him get married every one is different. my man excuse is he wants a nice wedding and we have no money for one so he said intill then but I disagree I dnt say nothing but we can go to court I wouldn't mind then have a actually wedding later but its wat ever. y dnt u ask him? ????
  • perlyperly
    Talk to him. Tell him how much it really means for you to actually get married.
    Here in Houston, unless you are actually married they refer to your relationship as common law and that's it. They don't see it as being married. Its literally $75 to go down to city hall and just get married.
  • RoxyRoxy
    $75 that's all @perly
  • perlyperly
    @roxy to get married here in Houston it is only $75 to go get your marriage license. Then you have 30 days to get married by a judge.
  • perlyperly
    @roxy im not sure where you live, but you can look all of that up to be on the safe side.
  • WilsomomWilsomom
    I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I don't mean to be rude or anything, but what incentive does he have to marry you? I mean you already live together, sleep together, have a home & family together, etc. so to him he has it made. All the benefits with no real/legal commitment. Please don't take me wrong, I'm sure he loves you & cares about you, but he probably sees no reason to get married because in his mind you already are married, just without the legal paper.
  • JoshnEviesmumJoshnEviesmum
    Ask him outright.
  • julesjules
    I think it's time to have serious talk tell him it's important to you and also spatial. Of he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you then what's stopping him. It's special and important to share the experience with your family and friends also because as witnesses they are also your support team through out the marriage and right now you don't have that. Your not Married just cause you live together that's just his excuse to not talk about it for some reason. I mean you have kids together doesn't he want the kids to look at his parents one day and realize how happy they are that they are also devoted to one another and the kids forever no matter what. Rather then them wondering one day why your not married. Things are always legally separated until your legally married and like the others said to get your license is not expensive here it's 72. These are just the things I would bring up to him I trunk it's important to figure out where u stand. And make it clear to him that you don't want to spend the rest of your life unsure because for women it's security which gives them peace, of mind and it does same thing to kids it gives them sense of security. And I totally agree with @wilsomom and not out bad way towards you at all its the men that sometimes think what's the point we live together, sleep together, have kids what more. But there is more :) just be honest with what's going on with you.
  • Maymommy2011Maymommy2011
    If your children have his last name you deserve it too... Thats how I brought it up and 3 months later we were engaged
  • Momeetob1Momeetob1
    me and my hubby were togethr for seven yrs before he proposed.Id always ask when he was gna put a ring on it.just jokingly and id tell him about all my friends gettin married aftr a few years n how I wish it was us.At the mall id talk him into looking at rings at the stores.It was worth the wait.Than I got prego right aftr and two yrs layer we went to court house n got married.actually a month ago today:)
  • babyinblack682babyinblack682
    In pa its only $45 to get married, free service by your local mayor
  • MommyLovesSparkleMommyLovesSparkle
    edited January 2013
    I'm going,through the exact same problem. I tell him straight out and he tells me "he wants to surprise me." I even told him how much it means to me but he wants to get more on our feet first (buy a car for both of us, lose weight, save money etc.) Its really frustrating though so i completely understand. He bought me a "promise to marry you" ring which i love but ever since we moved i can't find it so he said he's going to buy me another. So every year he waits my ring requirements get bigger :)
  • starrxoxo9starrxoxo9
    edited January 2013
    Living together for more than 5 months does not = legally married. Was he serious when he said that???
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @Roxy like he use to talk about it. Like whe. We where dating he will joke around with my mom saying that he was going to get married with me at 18. N now I tell him or bring it up to him that man I wish I could get married or..like oh I lost hope. I use to want one but I feel that its never going to happen...or ill just live my dreams thur my daughter...like things like that. N all he says is one day.
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @perly I didn't know that. I thought I was a longer progress n it costed a lot....the way I see it..its like we are different religion. So he said like a year or so ago how whats the point of getting married in a court. Which to me is all I want. I just want to basically stop living in sin....like yea im not 100% in my religion but it still bugs me u know. Idk im ask him again when we get the income tax n see whats his excuse u know.
  • ExcitedForOctoberExcitedForOctober
    edited January 2013
    @mommylovessparkle not being married does help you save money :) being a "single" mom has its advantages financially.

    That's why we are holding off on getting married until we are done having kids.
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @Wilsomom well yea I know we have everything as a married couple. And everything in that category. Its just a since of scarcity. To know if he wants to back out its not going to be soo easy as in just walking out the door u know. Yea yea I know its to late...the whole why would he want to buy the cow if he gets the milk for free. But still I have given him so much. I just want something in return that secures me u know.
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @JoshnEviesmum I have...all he tells me is we are already married.
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @jules I do talk to him I talk to him when he is in the shower I sit on the outside. I talk to him late at night. N yea I know but if they see it in a way about whats the point. The whats the bigg deal not to! Y not say hey I have no money for a ring but lets just sign n ya. But no! Man idk it gets me pissed.
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @Maymommy2011
    I have told him..what am I not good enough for it. Or what!? Its not that. Its just why !?!
  • perlyperly
    @cant_wait93 first off, you need to determine whether this is going to be something that either makes or breaks your relationship. What i mean is if he never agrees to marry you, will this be something that you can live with or is it something that will cause your relationship a big problem? Or in other words, do you feel like getting married is a step that needs to be taken in order for your relationship to continue?
    If he never agrees to marry you, and you will eventually be able to live with that decision... then maybe, just maybe you should not insist on it. I know it sounds mean(and im not trying to be mean, i just want to give you my most honest opinion) but you might cause more harm to your relationship than necessary, especially if you are willing to stay with him no matter what.
    Now, if you feel like getting married is necessary in order to keep your relationship going, then that is what you need to tell him. He doesn't feel like getting legally married is a must because he knows that you will be there no matter what. But if you give him a wake up call, and make him understand that your relationship is in real big danger unless you get married, then he'll get the point and decide from there.

    If you need to talk more, let me know. I can send you my number so we can talk.
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    I've been with my bf for three years, we own a house together, have a child together and were not married, but where I am we are technically common law married, which for all important stuff (taxes, hospital/life rights, inheritance) is the same as married. I know that he wants to buy me a nice ring, and to surprise me. I know that the more I pester him about it, the longer he's going to delay. I think every man wants it to be special, and his call on the when/how. Let's be honest, the actual wedding is usually the lady doing what she wants, but the proposal...that's his moment to be in cntrol. I say let it be known youd like to marry him, and clarify that he wants to marry you, but after that, drop it for a little while. He may be feeling pressured by you, which is never a nice feeling. Just my thoughts.
  • julesjules
    I think it depends on the guy some guys don't want to be bugged about it but others have to be told exactly what they want. Like my husband just thought I was cool with way everything was and maybe I didn't want to get married I had to come out and tell him this is were I see things by this time what about you. And then he did what he had to do actually way sooner then my expectations. And by the way he always said were pretty much married and it was true but I had to explain that I wanted it to be official and special :). I'm not sure the kinds of conversations you have but unless you're ok with never getting married like @perly was saying u have to decide what u really want and if it's worth having the convo plus only you know him and how he will take it. In my eyes if just having the conversation breaks the relationship then maybe it wasn't to be and God has someone else for you. I'm saying that BC I couldn't live my whole life without the commitment it's important to me but you might not be that way and it's ok too. But you have to figure that out and do what's right for you. If your ok without the marriage then drop it if not don't waste time be honest with him and yourself don't waste time with something that may not be the man for you. I had the same experience and since I couldn't live forever without it I had to be honest and now happily married to him :)
  • perlyperly
    Exactly @jules.
    Marriage is a big step, and some people would like to be married but don't find it absolutely necessary... then there are others that do find marriage absolutely necessary.
    & i think that the old fashioned Mexican families always send mixed messages which kinda makes it hard too. For example, when my husband and i got pregnant the first time, marriage was basically being pushed down our throats. We were trying to just get things ready for the baby's arrival. We put our plans aside to accommodate everything for our new baby. When we moved in together (without being married) we were all of a sudden husband and wife because we were living the life of a married couple. I think that that way of thinking sends out mixed messages, especially to younger couples like my husband and i and @cant_wait93. But that is a whole other convo. If he is not showing any kind of interest in getting married, then you need to sit him down and explain that you have to get married in order to continue. If he loves you, and his family then he'll marry you. If he doesn't want too. then maybe he wasn't for you.
    I honestly think he does love you, its just that he doesn't understand how serious you really are about getting married.
  • MáthairMáthair
    No marriage, no sex...
  • Mrs4cMrs4c
    I don't think he wants to get married. Guys tend to chase what they want. Right now marriage is not what he's thinking about for now. Maybe he will want marriage later, maybe never. I'd just enjoy your life and not stress.:)
  • julesjules
    @perly we had similar situation my family had the talk with us but didn't over push but at that point we were the same just wanted to focus on one thing at time and him being married before and being little older I just didn't feel the need to rush but when I felt ready and that be might be ready as well because of his ex wife cheating I night it up he knew were I stood and he had choice to make but he answered right away pretty much saying he was waiting for the ok for me. And I think when u feel the way u feel right now it's hard to just push that way and not think about it and relax if it's important to you then do what makes u happy. Especially since, you have kids they won't be totally happy until you are. I truly believe that. if u feel like this is the man he needs to know there's no reason to put yourself through this later again if you know your hearts desires now
  • kenzie0713kenzie0713
    I have to agree with @wilsomom I'm sure he loves you but he's comfortable. In his mind he already feels "married" kids, house etc. Let him know how much it really means to you :-) I def wouldn't look at it as a financial advantage by being a single mom...that's called milking the system and I know that's not what you were talking about or your intentions but that caught my eye when @excitedforoctober said that. Do what makes you happy love and after expressing your feelings don't settle for less!! Good luck!!
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @natashalynn yea I know. I though the same thing I haven't bugged he about it in the longest time. The one time he did told was at his moms birthday like 2 years ago! We also turned 3years on Sunday...n everything went wrong. We argued we fought n he left. And in my stupid lil head I was imagining the whole day maybe today hw askes me. Maybe today is the day....n he walked in and the first thing out of his mouth. "I told you to be ready!" N blah blag blag! Idk n thats why its in my head soo much. I haven't told him anything. But its buzzing in my head. U know
  • CANT_WAIT93CANT_WAIT93
    @perly I dnt think its going to ruin our relationship. But I t would secure me more. It would make me feel like Im not always last to him. Where if ppl ask he who is this he says oh this is my gf. That burns me to the core!! It makes me feel soo...idk like yea she is no one. Idk it just ugh u know... yea girl I got ur number! Ill text u later cause im up pretty early n I know a pregly needs her sleep xD
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