emotional wreck
jason and i conceived a child in early december and i lost it mid january. at first i was strong and viewed the situation as science and statistics. 80 percent of first pregnancies end in miscarriage...blah blah blah. as time goes on i have become an emotional wreck and cant figure out how to get back to just being me...just being us. i find that we are fighting all the time and i know its not his fault, it stems back to me not being happy with life. i have endometriosis and have always been told that conceiving would be a challenge, so i felt so blessed when i found out i was pregnant just 2 months after going off my birth control. the longer i am off of the pill, the worse the endometriosis will be which will in turn make conception more difficult over time. i started obsessing over pregnancy and my period was a week late in february. i knew this could be due to the miscarriage (if things are a little off for a few months) so for that week of waiting for my period i convinced myself that i was pregnant again so you can imagine the heart break when my period came that morning. i realized i was dealing with a significant loss and holding it all in and it was having a very negative effect on my life. to help deal with my loss i decided that i needed to keep busy so i started grad school finally and a couple weeks ago we adopted a puppy that was living in a terrible situation...things werent getting better still. part of me felt like if i could just hurry up and get pregnant it would fix it...now i am realizing that maybe i need to grieve before we really try again. i was ovulating on march 7th. jason was out of town but we made an attempt for a baby on the 5th and 6th, and again yesterday when he got home from his business trip. we had a talk about my emotional rollercoaster (seriously, i get mad at him for everything!) and im starting to think that maybe i need more time to get myself back together before we try to conceive again. luckily, i have an amazing guy that i can talk to about anything so when i told him last night he was supportive and comforting. he said to me, you're my lady and you are always going to be the mother of my child so if it doesn't happen right now our time will come. and for the first time in 2 months i actually felt like i could breathe. we've decided that after my period (providing we dont have a little cell divider inside me already) i am going to start taking my yaz again to get my hormones and my pelvic pain from the endo under control...then when i get back to being me we will give it another shot. i know this is the right choice for us, but part of me still feels so empty and wants a child so badly...i guess sometimes the right decision is the hard one to make, but nevertheless the right one. it still hurts...i know we arent giving up and i think with time i will feel so much better...
i dunno guys. i just wanted to share my story with some other ladies that are ttc and get some feedback.
@Prayin_4_twins ...you're story really helped me get through a lot of this because you are such a strong woman to have gone through everything you have with work and ttc and not lost hope. thanks for everything! you are an inspiration...never doubt yourself.
I will let you guys know if af comes...until then...baby dust~
i dunno guys. i just wanted to share my story with some other ladies that are ttc and get some feedback.
@Prayin_4_twins ...you're story really helped me get through a lot of this because you are such a strong woman to have gone through everything you have with work and ttc and not lost hope. thanks for everything! you are an inspiration...never doubt yourself.
I will let you guys know if af comes...until then...baby dust~
Comments
how are things for you...sorry about the early af frustration. ya holdin up okay?