Now I reallyyy don't want to tell my dad I'm pregnant..vent.
I don't get to hear from my dad much, he's in the last year of his prison sentence. He called last night and I broke the news that I was dropping out of school..again. 
To get my GED and go back to Rapid City where my boyfriends waiting. (I came to my mom's temporarily after some hard times and enrolled in school thinking I could get done sooner than I'm able to) I'm my dad's baby and his only girl. I know he wants what's best. But he HATES my boyfriend, having not even met him. He refuses to listen and understand my point of view. He see's my relationship with my boyfriend the total opposite of what it is. Anyways we're only allowed 15 minute conversations, I told him I was going back to Rapid City to work and establish life. Leaving out baby of course. He immedietly started bitching, for lack of a better word. Completely putting down my boyfriend when he's the one whose been taking care of me. I couldn't help myself from crying, trying to get my defending words in. He then said, 'i thought you were smarter than that, I really did. I have to go.' And for the first time in the four years he's been gone, he cut our 15 minute conversation short.
We argued once before on the phone where I ended up crying and he called me back a half hour later to apologize. He never called me back. It hurts, my dads always been a huge person in my life, reguardless of his mistakes. And knowing he's beyond dissapointed in me, just kills me. I'm dreading having to tell him I'm pregnant when he's been on me to get on birthcontrol for years. Don't worry dad I'm smart! He'll take it even harder because of who the daddy is. Immediately blame my boyfriend and hate him even more if that's possible.
Since day one I've been torn between the guy who makes my life worth living and my family. But a dissapointment from my dad hurts more than all the drama that's gone on otherwise.
I'm afraid he'll never truly accept my child. I'm afraid nobody in my family will. I feel nobody will fully accept my baby on my side of the family because of the father. My mom, her boyfriend, and my little sister are the only ones who know. Nobody talks about it, it's just..oh she got knocked up, I wish her the best of luck. They see my pregnancy as just another of my mistakes.
I'm getting a bit off track. But for a little sunlight, my boyfriends family is super excited.
all my congratulations have come from them. And they can't wait until their son and brother has his first child, plus it helps they all like me a lot.
To get my GED and go back to Rapid City where my boyfriends waiting. (I came to my mom's temporarily after some hard times and enrolled in school thinking I could get done sooner than I'm able to) I'm my dad's baby and his only girl. I know he wants what's best. But he HATES my boyfriend, having not even met him. He refuses to listen and understand my point of view. He see's my relationship with my boyfriend the total opposite of what it is. Anyways we're only allowed 15 minute conversations, I told him I was going back to Rapid City to work and establish life. Leaving out baby of course. He immedietly started bitching, for lack of a better word. Completely putting down my boyfriend when he's the one whose been taking care of me. I couldn't help myself from crying, trying to get my defending words in. He then said, 'i thought you were smarter than that, I really did. I have to go.' And for the first time in the four years he's been gone, he cut our 15 minute conversation short. We argued once before on the phone where I ended up crying and he called me back a half hour later to apologize. He never called me back. It hurts, my dads always been a huge person in my life, reguardless of his mistakes. And knowing he's beyond dissapointed in me, just kills me. I'm dreading having to tell him I'm pregnant when he's been on me to get on birthcontrol for years. Don't worry dad I'm smart! He'll take it even harder because of who the daddy is. Immediately blame my boyfriend and hate him even more if that's possible.
Since day one I've been torn between the guy who makes my life worth living and my family. But a dissapointment from my dad hurts more than all the drama that's gone on otherwise.
I'm afraid he'll never truly accept my child. I'm afraid nobody in my family will. I feel nobody will fully accept my baby on my side of the family because of the father. My mom, her boyfriend, and my little sister are the only ones who know. Nobody talks about it, it's just..oh she got knocked up, I wish her the best of luck. They see my pregnancy as just another of my mistakes.
I'm getting a bit off track. But for a little sunlight, my boyfriends family is super excited.
all my congratulations have come from them. And they can't wait until their son and brother has his first child, plus it helps they all like me a lot.
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I'm 19. I honestly don't think I'll be able to bring it up in a phone conversation. They have a newish thing where you can email inmates. So after my next appointment on the 25th I'm thinking I'll just type it to him. I know I really should voice it to him, but I just..can't. I haven't even said the word, 'pregnant' to the four people that know in my family. (Mom, mom's boyfriend, sister, ex-step-dad, the only four that live here in South Dakota.)
Last night, my mom told my step-dad she thinks I have a sense of guilt. Which is why I'm holding out from telling my family. She's right, that's exactly the word I could never put my finger on. My brother had our first new member to our family last March. She passed away two months later. It was the hardest thing any of us ever had to go through. It's still extremely hard. My brother, who's done everything right in life, unfairly lost his daughter. I, who has done absolutely nothing ever worth mentioning in life, now has that very special gift of life. I've never been able to put that into words until now. It's hard to write down.
The guilt and disappointment is too much for me. But this life inside me is so precious, I want nothing more than to give it all I have.
This kind of diverged off of just telling my father. The issue is much deeper. I was just unable to actually type that out until now.