Any one have any experience with this? What should I do?

brittbritttbrittbrittt
edited March 2011 in Pregnant
Long story short, My sister and I both got pregnant in December. She was ttc, I was on bc. She told our family at 4 weeks and lost it at 7 weeks. At this point I still had no clue I was pregnant. I mean I was taking bc - didn't even know it was possible. I was with her in the hospital when she had a D & C in the hospital and took care of her after. A few days later I started throwing up and was really sick. I thought it was just a cold/flu bug. A week later my SIL suggested I take a pg test. I did and to my surprise it came out a bfp. Well.... Now she isn't talking to me. She sent me a nasty e-mail saying a lot of hurtful things (every time she sees my baby she would think of hers) and then sent me a voicemail saying she was sorry for the e-mail but she still couldn't face me or participate in anything with me. My whole family is in town this weekend and there will be family dinners.
Should I just show up even though she says she doesn't want to see me? I know she will be there. I know how hard it must be to loose a baby. I was crying when I found out she had a mc even before I knew I was pregnant. I don't think I should have to tip-toe around and not enjoy my pregnancy though. I am so confused as to what the right thing to do here is.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Comments

  • melinda326melinda326
    I think you should go. IT is going to be a painful healing process for her. But you can't go tip toeing around her either. You have a life and a baby on the way. And who knows she may end up pregnant in the near future. It is a hard time for her, I would just try to be there for as much as she will allow you to be and give her some time to come around fully. But continue going on with being around your family. She'll eventually come around. Blessings to you and your family.
  • foxymom2be23foxymom2be23
    Aww hun. Yeah miscarriage is a horrible thing to experience. I think you should still go to family functions because at the end of the day you guys are sisters. Its gonna take some time for her too deal with you having a baby on the way since this happened not too long ago. Maybe then your family can be there for her and you at the same time. So enjoy your pregnancy and who knows .. She might just plan your baby shower :)
  • rootzmamarootzmama
    I think u should go. Dont let her attitude towards u convince u not to be around family they are so important esp at a time like this. Maybe when she sees u she will realize that she was being a little over the top, like u got pregnant just to rub it in her face...u didnt did u lol jk but really thats not fair of her to say those kind of things :/ im sorry she had a mc its so sad but u were there for her then. She can be there for u now. I wouldnt be able to LET my sister be so upset with me over something nobody could control, id miss her too much. Good luck
  • kteebethkteebeth
    Enjoy your pregnancy! Try not to let her bother you. This is a time for you to be happy. She'll come around.
  • kansasmommakansasmomma
    I agree with melinda 326. You should definitely hang around your family. Im sure her mc was hard for everyone, but you weren't trying to get pregnancy to rub it in. It wasn't planned so I think you should just enjoy pregnancy and ur sister will come around. She'll understand. I wish you luck!
  • brittbritttbrittbrittt
    Thanks @melinda326... This is just a tough situation!
  • melinda326melinda326
    I can understand. I lost a baby last year and now am 23 weeks pregnant. I know the pain. But in time God will heal her broken heart. I hope all gets better for you and your sister.
    **I have a question for you non-related, how do you post that ticker on here?**
  • brittbritttbrittbrittt
    Thanks for the reassurance ladies! I think I am going to go. I hope it is not too awkward at first. And I definitely hope she realizes I would never have purposely gotten pregnant just to rub it in her face.

    This situations just sucks.. I mean what are the chances something like this happens?
  • brittbritttbrittbrittt
    @melinda326 Go to the bump.com and under the pregnancy tab they have a ticker section. Put in your EDD and pick out your background and it will give you a code. I just happen to like the fruit background lol.

    Then if you go to your profile page there is a little setting under your picture that says edit signature. Just paste the code in there and hit save!
  • Eryn4233Eryn4233
    Just be patient and watch what you say. I went through the same thing with my sister in law. I found out i was pregnant and then my sister in law found out she was pregnant and then i ended up having a miscarriage at 12weeks. I'm pregnant again now but sometimes she says things that can be a little hurtful even though she doesnt mean it that way. It will probably take a few months until she starts feeling better and healing. I think the best thing for you to do is be as supportive as you can be to her and dont take it personally ir feel like you have to fix things. Just be tjere and listen. And remember that if she does get pregnant soon her new baby will never replace the one she lost.
  • mrs_rodneymrs_rodney
    edited March 2011
    I actually just went through this with my sister. She had a m/c at the end of January and took it really hard. I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks later. She was upset but not at me. You can't go through life hiding your great positive things just bc someone is going through something negative. My sister is now so excited and she wants to be part of planning my shower. She already has one little girl but what made it so hard on her is the day she m/c was her girls first birthday. I know how it feels to have someone upset at a good thing in your life when they just lost that. She will come around but you can't hide yourself just to make it easier on her. She needs to deal with this with or without you around. Personally I think she is being a little selfish. Good luck and don't let anyone get you down.
  • brittbritttbrittbrittt
    @Eryn4233 I'm so sorry for you! I don't want to bring up past hurts for you, but do you know of anything I could possibly tell her to let her know that I didn't mean for this to happen and I never meant to hurt her? I told her this before, but I don't think she realizes it. Will it just take time?
  • catbencatben
    I understand your situation. The same thing happend to me last year only I was the one who had the misscariage. I was vey upset for a month or two, but I never told her that. Then I got over it. I would go to the family functions for sure. She will move past it and eventually be happy for you, just be patient with her.
    on a side note please dont complain about being pregnant to her. Every time she xomplained to me it really upset me. I wanted to scream do you know how lucky you are.
  • brittbritttbrittbrittt
    no, no, I won't complain. After reading this app I realize how common they are and how lots of women who can't get pregnant would do anything to have a baby even if it meant being sick the whole time. After going through this with my sister I have definitely realized how fragile life is and how truly blessed I am.

    We were so close though it just makes it hard to go through this time without her. I hope we can move on together quickly! Luckily she can start ttc again this month so I am keeping my fingers crossed for her.
  • Eryn4233Eryn4233
    I hate to say it but i think time is the biggest help. But if she'll let you be the one to cry with her. You dont have to feel bad about being pregnant but like any other thing that may hurt your sister be there to comfort her. My sil let me just bawl in front of her a few times and that made me feel a little bit better because then i felt like people were acknowlidging what happened and tiptoeing around me. But be there for her on her terms for right now. I hope that helps!
  • brittbritttbrittbrittt
    Thanks! I will try to be sensitive to her feelings and make sure I realize what is going on with her!
  • Eryn4233Eryn4233
    In time things will get better thats really when it gets easier and she will be happy for you. Good luck and congrats on your baby!
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