IDK what to do, I don't want my baby around his family!

edited March 2011 in Pregnant
Its strange how motherly instinct hits you so intensely almost the moment you find out your preggo. Things I never before thought of now cross my mind, worrying me about how I can protect my baby. *sigh :( **

My boyfriends family isn't *ideal* but whose is? & before I go further, I wanted to say the way they were never bothered me before, not my family, not my business...so I always would just chill if around them & mind my own, respectively of course. Im also not the *ideal* of fitting in with them either, but again I never cared, im me & am not going to act any different just to be accepted. Plus I treat my BF wonderfully, & love him with all my heart & am the best girlfriend he's ever had, so I figure that's reason enough to not dislike me.

But now I feel a lot different & stress & stress over it. Like last night we went to his cousins house & when we got home I was soo tired but couldn't fall asleep because my mind just kept thinking about how in the world am I going to protect my child from people like that especially when its the fathers own family? !?!

Number 1 I feel like I do not want to ever bring my child to his mothers house. She smokes in her house & has for years & years. Everything in there smells like old cigs, like a box of tissues my BF brought to my house from hers yesterday. I grabbed one ( not thinking anything of it) to blow my nose & then smelled the stench like as if I just stuck my nose in a full ashtray. (Yuck!) So now im trippin, BIG TIME! I just keep thinking how I do not want my newborn child taken into that house so she can she him/her for the 1st time. ( she's old & doesn't ever leave her house because of walking disabilities) Even if they don't necessarily light up while the babies there just the thought of all the fumes from the carpet to the drapes has me stressed out. Ugh, how am I going to get out of this one! ?!?

Number 2 His mother does not like me much, she puts up a front but her true colors of jealousy towards me have shown the minute my BF wasn't around before & she got the chance. Which whatever, im over it & know I never did anything wrong to any of them to treat me that way. But now that we are adding a child into the mix, I am not very fond of the fact of my child going over there & her disrespecting me in any way, shape, or form in front of my baby. She can say whatever to me or behind my back but I know & have seen how malicious she can be & wouldn't be the least surprised if she tried pulling that crap around my child.

Number 3 There is always unneeded drama around that house, she has a 40 something yr old son whose a twicker that lives outside (right now he's locked up, but he'll be back one day) My BF's sisters act completely inhuman half the time, always screaming & fighting eachother, trying to fight one anothers friends in the driveway, or having "gangsters" show up at the house threatening drive bys or damaging cars.

Number 4 Whenever any of them get the chance (not his mother, she just smokes cigs) they light up a blunt & since I've known them always do it all in front of their young children. Again...whatever, their not my children but now that my 1st is soon to come, im stressing! We go to his cousins house & its blunt after blunt while the kids run around playing or in the car...whatever, im not no square but im sure as hell giving my child a choice in life & am not EVER bringing any kind of smoking around them myself personally.

Last but not least, my BF is an amazing person, and is the golden child of his family but at the same time poked fun at by others because he is nothing like them. Before we ever even tried having a baby, we both agreed we would not be with our child how is family is with theirs. Nowadays im a little more bitchy & say mean stuff like my child is never going around those ghetto ass ppl. I believe we have a mutual understanding & he def knows how I feel & what I don't want...but I still stress because in all reality, how am I going to do this without them all making it a big deal? My BF knows what's up with them but like anyother person still loves his family & is loyal to them. Shit.

Comments

  • U have to do whats best for your child if you feel like over there isnt right forget how anybody else bcuz nobody is going to love and care about your child how you do. U could also set rules for them
  • edited March 2011
    @Isitoveryet thanks for the reassurance :) I am thinking of just telling them if they want to see the baby then they can come to us, which obviously the way their home lives are, will not be how ours is, so they will have to abide by our house rules. Sometimes I even stress if there possibly will be a day that me & my BF don't work out & do visitation...then he'll be with his family & have my baby. We both are doing well & love eachother but you just may never know what the future holds!
  • They have no rights. Plain and simple. YOU are that babys Mommy. If you don't mind his Mom, but I understand her house, have her go to your place instead. Just know, that is your baby, and they can't legally do ish :-)
  • edited March 2011
    I can't stand my fiances family and I assume the feeling is mutual. So they are really going to hate me when I never bring this baby over. For real theuy live 5 min from us. We have 3 kids plus this one. Not going to be carting everyone around to please them. They can come to my house to see the baby period!
  • I don't blame you for not wanting the baby around them... you and your bf just need to sit down and make sure you agree and stand up together with what you want....
  • Girl I just posted ab the same thing...ugh no fun!!
  • @jenn _929 thanks you are so right!!! I walk on eggshells around them, not because I am a little Bitch or nothing its just because I've seen first hand what it does to a relationship from the last guy I dated for 6 yrs. He was a complete douche so now that I've found a keeper I guess I try to tell him how I feel but also remain respectful especially towards his mother because he gets very protective over her. He says he's done the same for me & that if any of them have ever talked ish, he tells them he doesn't want to hear it because basically im here to stay. But im afraid their not going to like all my rules & guidelines when it comes to our baby especially because of how offended they get i've something that wasn't even meant that way...your right tho, if they don't like it they can kiss my butt cause like you said they already are disrepectful towards me for no reason, so be it!
  • @ghettobetty I just need to stay strong & keep my foot down like you...I start to sometimes feel like I am just being the Bitch or overreacting and then feel bad because I truly love my BF with all my heart & don't want him to pull away from me because he feels like im pushing him away from them..
  • edited March 2011
    I went through the list in a calm nice tender way so not to hurt him. His daughter used to go over for visits and his mother never listened to us about how to use creams and lotions to treat her eczema also all the candy her teeth were ruined when she came to me I got them fixed and she told my fiance we don't treat her right cause she would cry she didn't want to leave grandmas.... that was the final straw! The woman underminds me and will not do that with my own. The list can go on and on. Point is he understands and agrees with me.
  • My husbands parents smoke in their house and were told from the start that if they wanted to see our kids they had to come to our house. They totally understand though.
  • I am in the same situation as you. Only with my BD'S mom's side. His dads side is great! But his mom and all of her side of the family are involved with cocaine, crack, plenty of cigs, & a lot of alcohol. My BD's mom has even offered him cocaine! What kind of mother is she,, I def dnt want my kid around them either. I say do what u think is best for ur kiddo ;) good luck
  • edited March 2011
    @ghettobetty see that's another thing I will go crazy on & not tolerate! The whole underminding thing...if any family isn't on the same page about rules & how we want to raise our child then they will loose their privileges. Not playing that double sided crap were they think the child wants to be there more or we don't treat them right. Bullshit!
  • It seriously peed me off. Don't get me wrong special occasions I will go over and I'm always nice and respectful to his family. But this woman wants us there everyday. Yea right. We have a family now its time for them to visit us. I swear anything I ever asked her to do with his daughter she didn't! Or did the opposite. I think out of spite!
  • edited March 2011
    @clope18 that's horrible! & my BF's family do the same things...he is on parole right now but has been doing wonderfully for months on end now because I told him straight up not to call me if he gets in trouble again & misses out on this experience. He doesn't take that lightly...he loves me and is beyond excited about our baby & being a father to his 1st child, so he knows nothing petty that could get him in trouble is worth him losing us. (Me & his baby) But then I fnd out things like when he goes over t his cousins house...offering him free weed to sell to get some money since we don't have any income right now even though they all know he's on parole! WTF!!! Ugh! I guess in their mentality they think their trying to help him but in realization thas the worse thing they could do!!! We.both agree we would rather be poor then him do something so dumb & petty & end up in jail again...but obviously his family has that ish twisted.Errrrr!!!!!
  • My so's mother is a piece of work also. She's addicted to prescription pills. She was putting our girls to bed while we had some adult time. I came in to check on them, she was sound asleep and our then 1 1/2 year old was in the other room in her purse in her pills! Omg I hit the roof! Luckily she didn't take any. She's also told me that just because our child doesn't have my blood too she isn't mine. I've been there for every part of that girls life. She IS MINE. So now that I'm pregnant, I don't want her around "my" baby. There's other drama that's happened also. I just don't know what to do either because our other kids have a relationship with her, but this one wont? I'm stuck. She recently moved 12hrs which helps tho.
  • edited March 2011
    About pills my finances ex grandma gave his step son a muscle relaxer!OMG! And the court awarded this lady visitation of his daughter I worry everytime she goes with then. Also his daughter comes back reeking like ciggs clothes hair everything. She also doesn't listen about soaps and creams but its court ordered she goes.... yuck!
  • @ghettobetty I would freak the f out if anybody ever gave any of my kids pills. We almost got into a physical fist fight over what happened. Now I rarely, which is never, have anybody watch my kids. It sucks that we have to protect our babies from the ones that are supposed to love them and us the most.
  • edited March 2011
    @jessica28..Ah! WTF is wrong with people! !! Let alone our childrens supposed "family" if they really loved them as much as they try to act then you would think they would want the same things for the child! But I think its like mote of what @ghettobetty said, a manipulation thing and spite then anything else, in- laws are just crazy sometimes
  • Wow I hav a similar problem but its not my bf's family im concerned with, its my own. I love my family but it seems like I hav nothing in common with them. They're so excited about the baby but I dont want the baby around them much.
  • edited March 2011
    @divamommy don't feel alone, my boyfriend deals with the same thing. He is his mothers precious jewel and the rest of the family has that fake smile but underlying hatred going on towards him because he acts nothing like them. He still has a bit of his own culture in him but he doesn't talk like them or have the same mentality as them. They'll mock certain things he says, or tell him he thinks he's bettr just because he doesn't do some of the (IMO) ignorant ass stuff they do. Some try to say he's white washed which pisses me off also because hes NOT! He is just his very own person! He's got a little bit of his own swag to him but also doesn't get carried away with it to were he just looks ignorant.
  • Yep I've heard it all from being stuck up or white, they even think Im giving my baby a white name. Just gotta stay true to yourself and forget eveyone else I think.
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