previously been sexually abused.. now that im pregnant im getting weird feelings

bunintheoven8_2011bunintheoven8_2011
edited March 2011 in Pregnant
i was sexually abused when i was younger and now that im pregnant i dont even feel comfortable with people even looking at me. i feel like they have some crazy thoughts going on in their head. im wondering if theres anyone else mommies or mommies to be that have gone through this?

Comments

  • Jaime77Jaime77
    I haven't but wanted to respond. I'm sorry you were abused!
  • gracienjaygracienjay
    I'm so sorry.
  • Kriss82001Kriss82001
    Yes & its the same. I think its because when you are abused you think that everyone knows & is starring at you, even though they aren't. When you are pregnant, everyone is actually starring, tho I don't know why. I even hate it when people comment on how big my belly is, or my family esp when they talk abt my boobs & butt getting bigger. Its not because I'm self concious like most women, I just don't like to know people are starring. Big hugs, it'll get better.
  • bunintheoven8_2011bunintheoven8_2011
    @Kriss82001 thank you & yeah its crazy my doctor had told me these feelings generally come up i just didn't think that it actually would . Ive tried explaining it to my husband and all he says of course people are staring cuz u got ur belly but its like a different feeling behind it
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  • Tanners_MommyTanners_Mommy
    I'm sort of the same now that I'm pregnant I'm even more uncomfortable I wasn't raped but this 45 yr old guy went down on me while I was passed out so I don't feel comfortable with people all up in my business and I refuse to see a male Dr. For a gyno visit but all the time I feel like everyone knows about it and are like poor girl. It happened two years ago when I was 16 hardly anyone knows about it but I still feel weird. But I'm very sorry that something terrible happened to you :(
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  • Kriss82001Kriss82001
    My bf is understanding for the most part. Well, not understand since he doesn't, but he goes with it. I had a lot harder time with my first pregnancy then I do now, but somethings I still just can't handle & it will set me off every now & then. The hormones don't really help either. It does get better, just tell your hubby that if you get uncomfortable somewhere, then you need to leave, there's no point in stressing out. I pushed myself to stay a little bit longer each time, & now I can get through most situations.
  • bunintheoven8_2011bunintheoven8_2011
    @richjen24 it was my stepdads brother that did it to me. it went on for about 5 years. it took me forever to say anything & yet when i did it was all blamed on me. my mom said my stepdad was gonna leave her & that it was my fault & all my stepdad had to say that i was lying & i just wanted to get his brother in trouble that i was mad at him. i never really got counseling. i just dealt with it on my own. no one ever really helped me with it or just think i over react with things. & to add the cherry on the top my stepdad tried getting me to sleep with him last year right before him & my mom split up. & that still bothers me. alot. & thank you i will be inboxing you if i start gettin those feelings which will probably happen & soon

    @homebirthadvocate
    i would love any information you get from that conference about this subject :)
  • islandgirlislandgirl
    I've been abused when I was a kid but not sexually. My dad is an alcoholic everytime he get drunk he'll start yelling and hit me with broom or belt. Its really hard living like that and I don't want my baby to go thru the same thing that I go thru. I try to forget everythin but its still in my head.
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  • bunintheoven8_2011bunintheoven8_2011
    @kbg10 i wasnt raped either but it was more of a i like to touch you in places i shouldnt situation & he attempted to try & have more of a relationship with me i could just tell. he once told me to told his hand when we were going into a dance & i just kept telling him no &he was insistent on me holding his hand so i jsut walked off.

    @lmelanson same here he isnt in my life anymore it jsut hard knowing hes still around girls which are also his neices.

    @kris82001 i always tend to have a sweater with me & i always wear it its my way i guess of concealing myself from the world. at school i have to wear an apron cosmetologist gotta protect urself from those chemicals. so i have that as a coverup. if not ill just hide behind my husband or just go hide somewhere its weird
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  • Kriss82001Kriss82001
    I know exactly what you mean. I always have a sweatshirt with me, it's my way of dealing with it. Even have my body convinced that it's cold all the time so I'm always covered up, I just tell everyone I'm anemic so I have thin blood which makes me cold. I was molested when I was 9 by a family member, it was a cousins husband that was staying at our house when he was in town. My parents believed me when I told them, but the family as a whole was split on whether they believed me or not. We went through court and all of that, but he didn't get jail time. Then when I was 15 I was date raped by my bf at the time, and that's where my twins come from. It was my word against his, so nothing happened. He has visitation with the boys, and I have to deal with him every other week at least. He still tries to control my life and me. I had the boys when I was 16, so I had the paranoia about being stared at from being molested, and then I was a teen mom which is a huge deal where I live. Everyone was talking about me, and making a huge deal about it. Parents tried having me kicked out of my high school, and kept telling me how I should hide my "bastards". Even though I'm 26 now, I still feel like that lost 9 or 16 year old a lot. I feel guilty because I really didn't tell most people I was pregnant until I was about 4 months along, I was convinced people would treat me the way I was when I was 16. I still cover up my belly even though I'm incredibly happy about the pregnancy, makes me feel like I'm trying to hide her, but it's not because I'm ashamed. It's very confusing and it gets me down a lot. I just lean on my bf, even though he really doesn't know what's going on most of the time, he just thinks I'm in a weird mood I guess. If you ever need anything, I'm here, it's good to know that people are feeling the same way and you aren't going crazy. I give you huge props for starting this thread, I never even thought of it though I've been struggling with the same problem.
  • Kriss82001Kriss82001
    Maybe you should let your hubby read this thread? He might get a better understanding reading everyone's posts?
  • momof22bemomof22be
    I was seven when I was abused and my little sister was five we both want girls but we r both scared I have a boy already just having a girl is something I always wanted but if I do I know I will always be looking over my shoulder
  • bunintheoven8_2011bunintheoven8_2011
    i was actually too scared to do anything like drugs or alcohol my step dad scared me outta any of it. my way out was cutting myself. i dont anymore. but it was just one of those things that helped..
    @Kriss82001 things never got that far as to where i was kicked out but things at home were sour they took away my phone that was about it. but i just couldnt look them in their eyes without feeling like i did something wrong. i still dont think my hubby would get it ive tried to explain it to him various times & nothing seems to get across. i feel almost unworthy of everything i have. like when i get upset, mad, sad, pissed off i give a huge tantrum i start throwing things yelling i smack him & stuff bad i know but i think thats my way of dealing with every man that has screwed me over. my real dad left when i was 8 im 20 now i havent heard anything from him since he left. my step dad obviously had a thing for me & just kinda left me out in the cold too. then this other crap with my step dads brother. when i throw my tantrums my husband threats that he'll leave & it hurts i feel like hes gonna leave me never come back & itfeels like its gonna be the same when my real dad left my mom leaving her all alone with no help.
  • momof22bemomof22be
    My dad left too when I was two and my little sister was just born he was very abusive and then my step dad was and still is somewhat he's gotten quite old but I have hit my husband before and it is bad I had to get some help for it therapy sucks and there is allot of crying involved but its worth it not to hit anymore once you fins out why and r able to break some walls down
  • newmummy_5newmummy_5
    You poor thing. Never been in that situation but i feel for you.
  • anadoll92anadoll92
    Me too! I was sexuality abused wen I was 8. Im 18 now with a wonder bf who caters to.my every need. Hes in.college in n.c im in texas..ive been feeling tpo embarrased to show that im prego but im happy but also feel uncomfortable I know its,cuz of my padt :/ I thought it was just me.
  • lovingmybabyboylovingmybabyboy
    Reading this post & comments to the poster has brought tears to my eyes. I'm 24 I was first touched inappropriately @ the age of 8 by my mom's ex boyfriend grandfather. She caught him in the act & beat the hell out of him. Then @ the age of 16 I was raped by a family member & was impregnated from that. He's not in jail so I don't have closer from that. Two years later at 18 I was raped again by someone I thought was a bestfriend. I have issues with myself as a woman & its hard for me to be intimate with my husband. I used to always lash out at him & fight him because I didn't know how to deal.
  • bkunekibkuneki
    edited March 2011
    @lovingmybabyboy I really know what you mean I eve been raped by 3 diff guys one myfather and one not to long ago..I was already 15 wks pregnant andim now 36 wks...
    Im only 16
    This whole topic helps me feel better knowing im not alone
    But sad again it has happened to tons of girls :'(
    we all r strong and go through difficult things im sorry for everyone here...
    Coping is hard
    nightmares seem toget worse during pregnancy
    everything seems to be harder during pregnancy too
    Thanks for making this topic @bunintheoven8_2011
    Ur not alone
  • lovingmybabyboylovingmybabyboy
    @bkuneki yes it's really difficult. I've been with my husband for almost 11 years & he only know of one incident. I'm ashamed to tell him or open up with ppl because I'm afraid no one will understand. I always use to fight him because I didn't feel protected, I felt like he left me. But it wasn't his fault especially when he never knew I was in danger. It feels good to open up with women who have been there. Thanks ladies
  • bkunekibkuneki
    @lovingmybabyboy I have known my bd for 5 yrs he was the first person I ever told about my father... then we lost contact and I thought I wanted to die and it was the end of the word... and was raped again then out of no where he messages me on myyearbook I thought he was god lol he saved me each and everytime.... I believe the hardest time was the last time because im pregnant with his son and he couldn't have saved me :'(
    now he doesn't leave myzide unless im with my family

    He still doesn't know why I get so "bipolar"
    I don't get it either
    I think no one would understand why did u let it happen more than once and more than one person
    I feel IT IS MY FAULT because I never do anything to stop it... but when someone looks at me wrong i don't think twice about being mouthy or punching them in the face....
    U can message me anytime
    any of ya ladies can
    we need support
    I am some what a step to it
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