having weird ideas about my fiance..

newmommyofonenewmommyofone
edited March 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
I know he would never cheat on me but I keep having weird feelings about something his babys mom told me. Idk if she's jus sayin it to make me leave him but these are some pretty serious accusations. She said he did the worst thing a dad could possibly do to his daugfhter.. unmentionable acts. He has no idea that her and I had talked and I dnt wanna bring it up if its untrue. That will jus start uneeded drama. He is the best, most loving and caring man I've ever been with. And idk if I think he is capable of doing this. I am sooo confused by all this. Plz help..

Comments

  • loveourlittleoneloveourlittleone
    What is your relationship like with his ex? Could be she's just trying to get to you. I would talk to her again and ask her lots of questions about it. If it sounds like she's being shady and touchy then I wouldn't worry but if she's confident in what she's saying, I'd ask him. Say "your ex said so and so ... is this true? "
  • leslowleslow
    I think its something you have to discuss and ask the babys mom why isn't he in jail and what makes her think it but you definitly need to find out as much as you can.
  • cetheridgecetheridge
    I agree with @amyduh also does she still allow her daughter around him? That might be ur answer
  • loveourlittleoneloveourlittleone
    @amyduh exactly what I was thinking. I would call the cops in a second if anyone touched my daughter.
  • cetheridgecetheridge
    @loveourlittleone i'd be calling but it'd be to report a murder
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I know right. Me too. He has said she's scandalous and bi polar. And I did ask her why he wasn't locked up or even charged with it. He's a good guy and has never even really been to jail. He's a good boy compared to my ex's. I've looked up his name. They gave me the county to look him up under but I found nothing. I am son to be having a daughter with this man but i have no idea wjat to do. We have very good communication so what am I supposed to say... "oh btw, ur crazy babys mom emailed me and said u did all these things andcheated on her and crazy things but I jus wanted to know, did u really do this??" I think that wil start a big arguement.. I was hiding the fact I've talked to her for almost a week now and we dnt hide anything from eachother.. he will be hurt
  • metabutterflymetabutterfly
    You're right, that was so unfair for her to do that to you. What has she done for her daughter? Did she bring him up on charges? If she felt compelled to tell you, why hasn't she told the police? It could be a sick game or it could be true. I wouldn't confront your man, but now you are on notice don't put on blinders.
  • cetheridgecetheridge
    @newmommyofone. If she threw in all that extra about him cheating etc and she never reported abuse is almost bet she's full of Shhh
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    @cetheridge lol that's exactly how I feel. I did ask her. And her only excuse was that the crime was comminted in cali now we live in washington so she was waiting to preosecute him in cali cuz they have more serious punishment. I told her that I know ppl here that now have to register jus from some stupid misunderstanding but if something hapened to ur daughter I think any mom would prosecute no matter were the heck they lived..
    And he doesn't get to see his children.. its very sad. Not even talk on the phone..
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I even told her I needed hard true evidence so when I confront him I will know the whole story but she didn't tell me. I'm still so confused omg..
  • cetheridgecetheridge
    She can call the cops in California and they'll investigate the state he lives in now has no jurisdiction only to arrest if California puts a warrant for his arrest. Shit like that u don't wait to prosecute. Even I'd she's holding out for tougher laws to be passed he'll only be subject to the laws that were effective when the crime was commited. And like @metabutterfly said don't put blinders on. I worked in a prison and uve be sickened to by some of the Shit molesters say
  • jalemjalem
    Baby mamas say a Lot of things... I know... I'm having drama with my bds maybe baby mama and she dosent even know if its his.. and lying about having lived with him and how he was with her when we started dating which I know are all lies because from before we started dating I was with him literally all day and night... and now she's coming up with new things andjust trying to year us apart... so you should just talk to him... say that you. wrrent gonna bring it up because you know she's crazy but your pregnancy is causing some weird thoughts... show him the email... ask him...
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I know. Its very bad. As far as I know him and I feel the same about this subject. And I've had problems in the past with my man leading a double life. I let all insecurities go. And this is the man I want to marry. I guess just keep my ears open.. I know s.o's have certain things they say that stand out...
    I can't even talk to myy mom or anyone else cuz they will hate him..
    And she even said why do u think his family isn't excited about this baby?? That made me think the most.. they are kinda excited but haven't really gotten anything for her. But they've helped m think of names tho... idk.
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    Its like ten emails. I think he wud be upset that I cud keep this from him.. ya know.
  • lovingmyunbornlovingmyunborn
    @cetheridge Exactly what i was thinking, whats with all the other things about cheating and so on...is that neccesary? if she was really concerned about the safety of your child she wouldnt have even mentioned all those other things...i say question her, and get some real evidence you dont wanna go to you man half assed if you do decided to question him... If she thinks its important for you to know this so you can "protect your child" why was it not important enough to get some justice for her own...idk something smells fishy to me.....
  • CarleyCarley
    Im sorry but u need to find out for sure. Especially since u say he isn't allowed to see his children. That raises a red flag in my mind as well. Is he fighting to see his daughter? If not could be he knows the mother has something over his head? It doesn't matter how good he is to u or how sweet. These people don't wear big signs on their shirts that say "im a sick sob". I know from experience that the person u think u can trust the most can be the creepiest behind closed doors. Don't let this go without finding out for sure. Like u said ur having a daughter. U have to think of her.
  • lovingmyunbornlovingmyunborn
    And let her know that she can prosecute in cali from where yall live now...see how she reacts if she's happy to know and all that....and calm down on the emails its so much easier to sniff out a liar when theyre not able to edit everything they say...try some phone calls...good luck with finding the truth:)
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    She gave me her email.. I jus dnt wanna call her and start crying cuz I'm hormonal right now.. and she got a restraining order against him. I know for fact they dnt issue those jus for cheating but she could have lied..
  • cetheridgecetheridge
    They don't issue protective orders for cheating...
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    She cud have lied in a court document.. I wouldn't put it past her..I try to look up any info I can jus to try to vlidate what she saying but I can't.. I really dnt want to call her yet.. maybe after I talk to him.
  • lovingmyunbornlovingmyunborn
    Where did she issue a restraing order in cali or where yall live now? why didnt she file charges when she went to file the restraing order....idk ask her when it happened and when she found out....idc when and where things took place im doing watever i can right then and there to get justice for my daughter...thats unacceptable....and what is she waiting for is she moving back or waiting for him to move back...what does thay have to do with anything? Do what you gotta do if this man allegedly touched your child....
  • cetheridgecetheridge
    @newmommyofone. If she never pressed charges there will be nothing to verify. That's just odd
  • Prego4Prego4
    I dont think its true cause any women would take action.. The only way they would not is if they did not believe the allegation was true.. Crazy but I have seen it first hand but in this case I dont believe her. One question how old was the daughter when this is accused of happening? Cause the ONLY other reason she may not report it is if she was young and did not want to have her testify.. But I think she is lying
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    She said it was in 09 so his daughter wud have had to be 8 or 9
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I don't believe her
  • Prego4Prego4
    If she was that old.. Noway I believe her but I know when your preggers you dont even want to hear it.. But I would go with your gut good luck on your prego :*
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    The first time I heard this from her I was so pissed I thought I was going to confront him as soon as he got home from work (11 hour shift) and have this big discussion about why I had been hidng the fact that her and I talked. Jus the thought of bringing it up says that I thhoght for a second he could accually be capable of doing something lik this.. but he got off work and came home and my instinct tells me he isnt . I have always had good instinctive feelings. In the beginning of our relationship I thought it was to good to be true but it has lasted thru everything we've been thru and I know he could not do something like this
    But even still NO pregnant woman wants to hear bad things about the man they r having a child with. Especially when ur in a very serious committed relationship with..
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