Question about marriage vs parents - kinda long sorry :)

BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
edited March 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
Ill be 23 in May and we will have our little girl in august. I just need some opinions. My boyfriend and I are currently without a job but he'll find out tomorrow if he gets the one he wants. His goal is to make sure we can make it wether I decide to work or just stay home w the baby. I've applied but no calls yet. 8-| my mom is dead set on us not getting married because we used to fight a lot. And since I've been pregnant, we have both matured. He is awesome and would do anything for me even when we fought. My mom said If I marry him, she will wash her hands of me (I know shell get over it one day) but its still a difficult decision. What do Yall think? I want us to be a family in the same house... not If he wants to see his baby, one of us needs to hike to the other. Any advice? I love him a lot and want to marry him (hopefully before my baby is born in august) but don't want to crush my mom. She said she sees me marrying a preacher but I love MY bf. Pls help. Thanks!!! >:D<
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Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    Sweetie if he makes u happy and ate truly in love please don't let anyone get inbetween.. do as ur heart tells you
  • blueberrysmomblueberrysmom
    I would follow my heart and make a future with the man I love. hopefully, mom will see how happy you are and come around. Good luck, sweetie!
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @Jenny1973 thanks girl! I do love him and my mom is basically my best friend. I just think she expects too much for me and I don't see myself with anyone else. I just don't want to lose her as my best friend. I even asked her to be my maid of honor if we got married. I told her that she has always been there with me and I'd like her up front w me too. :) she cried but was like "oh I hope that doesn't happen" and it crushed me ... that was before my pregnancy.
  • MrsLaMasterMrsLaMaster
    I understand u and ur mom,, but some words of advice is,,, if u do get married and need help from the gov, then they wont help u at all, and with out u knowin if u will be able to support the baby since both of u are not working it would be a great help on food formula medacade for u and the baby and also money if u need it,,,,.being married is nice in all but if u or ur baby really need help and hes not working what would u do??? Im just saying this from experance not harping on u or anything.ive just been there, ive got a 5 year old and one on the way and I got married in aug, and lost all help when I needed it but luckly hubby got a job but its still really hard
  • MrsLaMasterMrsLaMaster
    And im not saying u dont love ur bf, I understand that u do , I loved mine to but I wish I would of waited a lil so we both could of got on are feet
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @blueberrysmom Aww thank you so much!!! I think she's scared to see me as an adult. I can't spend the night with him and I'm almost 23, I have to tell her when I am coming home and I just don't think thats fair. But I'm " under their roof" yet having a baby on my own . If it is a for sure thing, how would you tell her? I think it'd be awesome to get a place ready,.get married, and our first night sleeping in there, we are a married couple with a baby on the way. Sounds perfect to me. Maybe not easy but perfect just the same. :-)
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @MrsLaMaster how come they wouldn't help me? I wouldn't get married unless we could do it on our own. I want what's best for my baby and if that means staying with my parents till its all ok, then ill have to. I currently have medicaid, wic and ebt. How come the gov wouldn't help the baby? Sigh lol :) you've given me something to think about. Thanks
  • blueberrysmomblueberrysmom
    I would take her out to lunch (neutral location), tell her how much I love her and how important she is in my life, share all the things I love about my man, and then let her know what the plan is. I'd let her know that her support of my relationship and for the baby mean the world to me and that I hope she'll always be in my corner. This might be a good time to give her some flowers and shed a very sincere tear. If that doesn't work, then you know you did everything you could and just hope and pray that she'll see your side of things one day soon. She probably loves you so much and just wants to see you happy but we all have to find our own happiness in the world. I hope she understands that.
  • chelsanstinechelsanstine
    I'm in the same boat also due in august, but my mother has done more for me than anyone so I decided why risk ruining our relationship when in the end she will always be there, and you have to stay practical- if you love him and you two will stay together why does the label of marriage seem so important? A baby changes everything and even though he's made a change for the better in 5 months doesn't mean in 7 months things won't drastically change for the worst. I want to call my boyfriend my husband so badly but I want to do what's safest for myself also...
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @blueberrysmom such good advice, thank you. I know she'll understand ... it'll just take some time. Lol

    @chelsanstine I see your point too. I love my mom so much & would hate to ruin anything but I don't think I will. And yes, things could change for the worst. We are trying to put God first in everything and have Him guide us so we don't mess up. I don't know why I like the label marriage so much. To me, there's a drastic difference. I guess we wouldn't have to get married right away. Esp if they cancel my Medicaid. But then again, that depends on his income at the time. Sigh if all of Yall can just keep us in your prayers, I'd appreciate it.

    Congrats to your baby in august. Do you know what you're having? :)
  • chelsanstinechelsanstine
    I'm also on med. Assist so I think about it all the time, I understand how you feel. And thank you, you too! I'm having a boy! Do you know what you are having yet?
  • blueberrysmomblueberrysmom
    I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted and good luck! ;;)
  • bkunekibkuneki
    If u love eachother can't u guys wait til ur back on ur feet to get married? Its understandable u don't wanna it seems like it will b forever but if u love eachothrr it shouldn't matter:) right? Idk im very young myself :)
  • DueMay10DueMay10
    Im married and we got government assistance easily. Thank goodness, Im very grateful. I agree with all the ladies above. Good advice!
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @chelsanstine I'm having a little girl due august 5 :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    Do wat makes u happy I'm kinda n the same situation wit my mom where my mom wnts me n her to name the baby but I'm letn bf name the baby so she cried about it...I kinda try to ignore her bcuz n the beginning of my pregnancy I felt really bad like I messed up n I didn't wnt this at all and I feel like now tht I'm actually strtn to enjoy my first pregnancy I cnt bcuz mom has a prob wit everything and I'm closer to my dad so I guess its easier for me to ignore her...but dnt let her get to u jus focus on ur happiness
  • MrsLaMasterMrsLaMaster
    Im not sure why they do it and I think it is really unfair, but they say if u can be married then u dont need help from the gov,,, bs really, I just dont want u too go threw what I did
  • redhead25redhead25
    Im also on gov assistance and that is one of the main reasons why we aren't getting married. We know for sure that we are going to get married (we've been together over 3 years) we live together and hes raising my son as his own. We are married just without the paper. I'm in school full time and I get it paid for bc I'm a single mother. We have talked about it and our plan is to get married after I graduate. This is just my experience. Maybe not rush into so you can receive benefits even if its just for school and make sure that u have a plan for getting married in the future.
  • redhead25redhead25
    maybe compromise and just be engaged for a couple of years. that should please mother with u not getting married right away and please boyfriend with the promise of marriage
  • holliholli
    1 you have to live your life. 2 every couple fights sometimes,( im married and has been) 3 you have to pray on that your mom will come around. She will and thats when she will accept your decision as a woman and not a child. Not saying you do but if you put her in you'll business than stop and do what makes you happy. Hope this helps.
  • holliholli
    Let me explain i read some comments you can be on gov assistance and still be marry ladies. Learn the system. Dont be a baby mother if you dnt have too. Its a blessing to have aman that loves u and wants to marry u. Any questions you can ask me
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @beauty1111 ill pray for your situation, girl!!! Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the happiest times of a woman's life and that's what I'm focusing on. :) I think our moms will come around.

    @redhead25 well I'm glad your situation is working out. :) how do you get all your schooling paid for? I'd love to go to school. Is it a grant or something?

    @holli thanks so much!!! What site are you getting your info from? I don't mind doing research so please don't think I'm asking all of it from you. :) I even dreamt about this last night. I don't see why "if you can get married, you don't need help" first of all, getting married doesn't mean you're wealthy. The only thing i saw was: if your husband still makes under the requirements, we could still qualify for what I'm getting now.
    If you could pls tell me the site you went to or any extra information you have, I'd be most appreciative. :-D thanks sweetie
  • mommyof3girlsmommyof3girls
    Good luck to u. Only u and ur man can make the decission to get married or not. My advice to you would b to wait until after u have the baby. I feel that when ur pregnant u r very hormonal and shouldnt b making such big choices. I got married while i was pregnant, i was 21. We r still married. I love my hubby. But i feel like we rushed it and i didnt get a big wedding. We got married at the court house. Good luck to u hun. :)
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @mommyof3girls Aww thats still a sweet story. :) yes, indeed I'm emotional lol
    We wanted to get married before i was pregnant but couldn't because of jobs. And if neither of us don't have a job, then we'll wait of course. He should be getting an awesome job working only four 10 hour days. :-D Waiting 3.5 more months for our baby to be born, won't be so bad. :) just adds to the excitement. I just wanna make sure the baby can get medical somehow and I will be fine. :)
  • mommyof3girlsmommyof3girls
    Fyi i was on medical assistance with my 1st b4 we got married and after we got married i got to stay on it till agter the baby came and our daughter until she turned one. No matter our income. That was in mn. Im sure every state is different
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @mommyof3girls oh thanks so much for sharing-Gives me hope. :) what about your babies after?
  • mommyof3girlsmommyof3girls
    When we first got married my husband had just finished school and was looking for a job. Shortly after our first was born he got an amazing job (he's an electrical engineer). She we didnt qualify for anything after that. But our daughter stayed on medical assistance and wic till she was one regardless. There are some great programs out there to help. I would look into it if u havent already. There is tons of help out there. ;)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    @babycomingsoon yea thanks I jus pay her no mind I stay at my bfs most times neway
  • BabyComingSoon143BabyComingSoon143
    @mommyof3girls Aww I'm so happy Yall are doing good. :) thank you so much.
  • yummymummy1yummymummy1
    Follow your heart lady. I know its hard but sometimes you have to make such decisions in life.
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