needing a lil advice

abby5abby5
edited April 2011 in Pregnant
I have been with my bf since dec...I got preg in jan...so he only knew me 1 month befor I got preg and well now I am 16w and the whole pregnancy I have not felt good sick moody...not my normal happy gi lucky self plus I am going threw a nasty divorce/custody battle with my abusive ex...my bf thinks I am taking all my anger out on his lil girl she's 5 and does not listen at all thinking she has ADHD but hr don't think so he thinks shes a normal 5yr old...I have a 8,4and 2 yr old boys and they don't act like her they listen and behave...example...we have a sand box and I told all the kids do not get in the sand box right before they went out to play and everyone said yes mama not sand box...she walks outside and goes stright for the sand box and I tell her get back inside and sit for 10 min well I let her up 10 mind later and said stay out of the sand box...I am sitting ob the pourch watching them plat and well she's bac in the sand box not even 5 mins later...so make her come in shower and go to her room the rest of the evenging....well he dad get off work and comes to pick her up...you can tell she been crying and she says I hate her and won't let her play outside with the boys...wtf...so I told him the story and he says she's just being a child...im sorry no she's not thats stright up not behaving...she's his I only child...I've raised 3 and there is something diff about her...she has trouble in school not on grade level and everytime I bring up taking her to the doc for a check up to make sure everythings ok he gets pisses saying why dont you take your boys...what do I do to make him realize she needs to go to the doc...I am not singeling her out I am concerned...and my parents are too they see what I see...what do I do ladys or am I just being hormonal lol

Comments

  • ckazfirstckazfirst
    She could just not want to listen to you just cause. I learned one thing with my bf and his daughter ...who is ten. I am not to be the one to discipline or tell her what to do. But I get frustrated when he let's her do certain things. It's hard but let him.figure that out. Unfortunately we have no say in that. I had to hear it from multiple therapists in order to grasp it. Good luck hun.
  • PrayingForMiraclesPrayingForMiracles
    You're not being hormonal. If its his first he doesn't know what "normal" is. Her behavior to him is normal. You could always take her when he isn't home. Good luck!
  • AaronsArmyWifeAaronsArmyWife
    I'm going through the same thing. My hubby has a 5 year old son and this is our first child. His son doesn't listen, we only get him every other weekend. I try to tell him we need to work with him to get him ready for school and he says thesame thing...all you can do is be the best step mommy You can be, and if she acts up have him deal with it. Good luck mommy I know its hard! :)
  • abby5abby5
    @prayingformiracles....I've thought of that...I've even call my boys doc and asked him and he agrees but needs her to come in...I've told my bf...if a lil pill is all she need to do better in school and not get in trouble then wth are we waiting on...id take any of my kids in if I thought somethi g was wrong...@Aaronsarmywife...I am to the point of handing all disciplining of her too him...make a list of what she does and hand it to him when he gets off work and let him decide what to do lol
  • salsabiasalsabia
    If you are keeping her while he is at work then I think you have the right to discipline her. Otherwise she is going to run all over you and make your life miserable. Sounds like he just let's her do whatever she wants and that's half the problem.
  • luvbumpluvbump
    No parent wants to here that there is something "different" about their kid, alot of people would feel hurt or take offense to that, but I wouldn't just jump to the conclusion that she needs medication, I would speak to a doctor, not while the child is present though. Maybe she just needs a firmer hand from not just you but BOTH parents. If your discipling her and he's making excuses for her, shes going to feed off of that. I make sure when my kids mess up that I sit them down and speak to them very clearly about what happened and why i'm disciplining them before I do and speak to them afterwards about it.
  • abby5abby5
    @luvbump...I do the same to mine and her...its like whatever I tell her just goes in one ear and out the other...I discipline her like I would my own kids...I do not spank and never have but her dad does spank her and I don't...do you think that could make a difference? I am almost at the end of my rope with her and I have a long rope lol...I have a feeling its going to tear me and her dad apart amdi don't want that he's a great man just needs to open his eyes a lil...he has custody of her and she visits her mom and I've even spoke with her mom about it and she is worried like I am but he wont listen to her either...
  • luvbumpluvbump
    Maybe she doesn't see you as an authoritative figure because you don't spank her? I'm not saying you should do that, but she may feel your not as dominant as her father.
    I'm not saying spank her, because to each their own. I don't get involve with debates about that type of stuff but, does her biological mother have a court order? In the state of Texas most standard visitation orders(which are weekends and holidays) state she has the right to consent to medical or psychological treatment. Maybe, speak to her teacher at school or counselor. If you and her mother both see it, and are both concerned, and even an outsider see's it, maybe there is a chance that you could have an intervention (sorry, that sounds bad) with her father. If a professional can sit down and say that maybe something isn't right... he might open his eyes? What is the worse that can happen, that it couldn't work? ( I do not know the side effects of these types of drugs btw) This can either help her, or can't and if she doesn't need a drug for ADD, then maybe it's just a stage she'll outgrow. But you'll never know until you try it.
  • luvbumpluvbump
    Oh yeah what I meant in the first comment was.. When you sent her to her room, and he spoke to her, he should of let her know that you were in the right. He shouldn't blow it off like "shes just a kid".. He should of said "It's not that she doesn't like you, or doesn't want you to have fun. Because she does, she just wanted you to stay out of the sand box, and you didn't. If you can't listen to her when your outside, then you need to stay inside." Or something of the sort.. I have no idea the whole situation or if he did that, i'm just going by what I have read. Keep doing what your doing. Its hard, it took a while for my son to get it.. but things slowly started to improve.. @abby5
  • ghettobettyghettobetty
    I grew up with ADHD and my mother refuse3d to medicate me or even send me to doctors. She handled my behavior herself. There are different techniques in handling the girl that could help you without having to single her out but yet show her different kinds of attention and discipline then your other children. Kids with ADHD require lots of attention and positive reinforcement! Usually negative punishments don't help situations and only make the child more aggressive/ lash out more..... I recommend that you look up different ways of handling her behavior and make diet changes for the whole house. this will not only help the girl but is also healthy for the entire family. Maybe this will help without having to force the dad to send his girl to a doc for behavior issues and put on meds. As far as schooling goes my child with ADHD seems to be improving with a tutor and my parents also had a tutor for me. You don't necessarily need to pay someone but maybe if an aunt or uncle grandpa or grandma works daily with the child's schooling it will help! My daughter does not work will with me or my fiance but does great with my sister! and this summer the library had free tutoring .... Remember positive reinforcement gets 100 times further then negative when it comes to a child with adhd or behavior problems....
  • abby5abby5
    @luvbump...I am going to tell him to read what you wrote its how I want things handled :)
  • abby5abby5
    @getthobetty....one example on schools is her reading...she hates it but when I 8yr old reads with her its like she's been reading for yrs...doenst stumble on words...and he likes helping her so that's a good thing...I have looked up the diet and my moms friend did a diet change on her boy and she is getting me somemore info...I hope it helps
  • veteranswifeveteranswife
    Doctors like to give out mess way to quick. She might doesn't care to listen to you because she seems to be a daddys girl and you really haven't been dating that long. Give her time to adjust
  • veteranswifeveteranswife
    *meds
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