has anyones boyfriend or hubby...

littlemommmalittlemommma
edited April 2011 in Daddy's place
Does anyone's bf to close with there mommy and they get in the way. And the bf can't chose or listen to you if your right? You know want you want and that your right but you get second guessed all the time. Help??
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Comments

  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    Thanks. How did he realize it? I've had people to leave him and he will see what us missing out on.. I don't know. I'm pregnant with his baby living with him and his mom and sis. I love his mom but she is. To much and sometime I think there married... I don't know.
  • veteranswifeveteranswife
    Know how you feel. It doesn't seem to change.
  • melinda326melinda326
    Oh yes when I was married the 1st time my ex-husband was a big mommas boy. Granted we were only 18 and 19, but still. He is still like that. He can't be away from her, and he would always listen to what she said over what I had to say. It drove me nuts. His parents did everything for him. I always thought how is he ever gonna learn and grow if he can't pick himself up when he falls. Instead they were always there for him, too much. But it drove me nuts and that was only a part of our problems. It wasn't the main reason why we aren't togehter. He was very abusive to me beofer I was pregnant with my first and throughout my whole pregnancy with my first baby. Plus he cheated on me a few years later. But through it all it was almost like their son could do no wrong. I mean they'd say something in the moment, but there were no real consequences for his actions. I told myslef never again would I marry another man that is that attached to his mother or parents. I mean being close is one thing, but the way my ex was, it was too close. Almost like a decsion couldn't be made until he consulted his mommy. ANy ways I'm sure your situation isn't near to what mine was back then. I would just talk to him and try to express your feelings to him and how it makes you feel. Tell him yoour opinion matters and that he doesn't need to go to his mom for everything. At least start with that and maybe if it's possible to talk with his mom too and tell her how you feel. Maybe if she understands and agrees with you she'll be able to talk to him as well. I hope you get some progress made with this. I know how difficult it is. :)
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @melinda326 thanks.
    And i just don't know how much more I can't take. Because he just all about her. I mean he loves me but not as much as I think he should because he is to busy loving his momma. I want he to be there for ne more than what he is. I fee alone. Because I left my parents house at 18 to be with him. And he doesn't see that. Now I'm almost 19and pregnant with his baby. And his mom is a mom hog and I don't want her to be All OVER my baby.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    Itll never change he will always be a momma boy. And live with her at home. I'm so emotional...
  • jbandno3jbandno3
    This happend to me when we were planning our wedding, his parents don't drink and didnt want a bar at our wedding. My family on the other had owned a bar and everyone drinks to some extent. He kept telling his mom he didn't care either way, I told him if he couldn't support me in small decision like that I couldn't marry him, guess what he chose.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @jbandno3 imma guess his momma...
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    Sometines men are not even men they are still little boys
  • melinda326melinda326
    @littlemommma I understand. When I was going through it too I was living at my then husbands parents house. It was difficult. I was 19 then too. Even when we fianlly moved out into our own place I made him find us a place farther away at least 20+ minutes away from his family. Let me just say as soon as we got to our apartmnet he would immediatley call his mom and leave to me take care of the baby by myself. And this was even on days when he had spent ALL DAY at his moms with his mom, and then he'd pick me and our son up from my job and go home just to call his mommy. Like he didn't spend enough time already. Anyways, thank goodness I'm not with him anymore and my hubby now is amazing. BUt what I learned was that my ex hadn't grown up, not enough anyhow since he was married with a child. He needed to be a man and a father and not a little boy who needed his mommy all the time. If I were you I would seriously talk to him alone and if he can't change then maybe it would be time to seperate. Its not worht all the stress and you certainly don't want your child to grow up doing the same thing when he or she is older. THat cycle has to be broken. i don't know if he will change. I know you can't change him only he can change himself and thats if he wants to change. He maybe just fine staying with his mom and seeing his child when he can then again he may realize your the world to him and so is his baby and figures out that he needs to grow up and be the man he needs to be for you and his child. But you need to act now, because the longer you wait the harder it will get and then he'll figure that if it bothered you so badly why didn't you say or do soemthing way back when. Act now. Out him on a probation kinda thing trial to see over time if he makes the changes you want, but do this without living with him though. ANd if you need a year or more to see then he should have no problems in giving you that time, as much as you need. This is your life and your baby's life your talking about. Your actions will affect the future. SO make sure to do the hats right for you and baby. If he's not the one than another man will come around when you least expect it. Just because he's the father doesn't make him the ONE either. I learned that the hard way. God blessed me years later with an amazing man who loves me and my first 2 kids and the ones we have together. Hoep it all works out the way you want it to, but if not, be strong andm ove foward for you and your baby. :)
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @melinda326 thank you so much that's helpful. But its hard when I love him and I want him to be there. I'm glad things with you are good. I just don't like the heartaches and headaches that come with a momma boy relationship
  • jbandno3jbandno3
    @littlemommma, you guessed wrong, cuz I seriously wasn't going to marry him if he didnt support me in a simple decision like that. I don't get it either though when you get married you are supposed to leave you parents and become one with your spouse. Well I guess men don't always get that memo.
  • melinda326melinda326
    @littlemommma I understand how you feel. None of us like the heartache that can come when we love someone. BUt just because your not with him doens't mean you stop loving him. Maybe if thats what it takes in you leaving will be his wake up call. Imagine you leave after you've already explained your feeling to him, and he didn't even act like he cared that you left. How would that make you feel? Would that be worth staying in the relatioship for? No! Of course I'm not saying at all thats how he would react, but its possible. You need to think about that and think that if you did leave that he isn't just coming around for sex and then going back to his mom, because that is misleading you emotionally. But maybe just having a nice talk with him will make the difference and express that if he doesn;t change, and quickly that you'll be looking for a new place to live. See how he reacts, If its with a selfish reaction and he says well then go, or he acts like he's in denial about his mother/son relationship then most likely he isn't going to change. But soemtimes the hardest choices we make are the right ones, its far easier to stay then it is to leave. You have to think about the whole picture and think long term. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life, is this how you want your chiild brought up? You have to step up if he won't and do whats right for you and baby, NO MATTER how much you love him. If he loves you as much as you love him then he will have no problem in changing, but if he won't then that should be enough of an answer for you on his true feelings. I know it might be hard, but no matter what he will always be a part of your life because of your baby. I hope I was helpful to you. :)
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    Awe thank you. You were extremely helpful.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @melinda326 thanks so much. It was extremely helpful.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @jbandno3 wow. So you guys did get married?
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @melinda326 so it didn't end out so good at first I told him I needed to talk to him and we talked and I told him I need him to put me on top. That me his baby need to be first to him. He said don't never come in between me and my mom just don't. And I said okay but listen you have to start your own family not you can't all be about your mommy. And he left the room. Left me laying in bed crying feeling alone. And then he cane back In and said that I mean a lot to him and that he does love me. He said hoe do you want me to change I said lay off your mom you can't br a man to two people. So I'm going to see if he can or is willing to change and grow up. I need him to grow up.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    I told that maybe someone else will put me on top and he said I don't want you to get anyone else who can treat you better.
  • mszcastillomszcastillo
    Yupp hes over at his moms almost every day. Its a good thing I love his mom or else it would bother me a lot more.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    Yeah. I love hus mom to but its to much sometimes
  • melinda326melinda326
    @littlemommma I am sorry it didn't go as well as hoped. Maybe he will come around and make the necessary changes. But don't wait forever either. Do set a time frma for yourself to see if he has made the changes that you need from him and that he sticks with it. He should be able to start showing signs of change very quickly. If he still doesn't change or at least not enough then you might need to walk away from this relationship to prove how serious this all is and how serious about it you are. HE may not think your that serious if action is taken. But his true colors will show if you leave. Either he will not care and say mena things to you, or he will plead for you not to leave and try what ever he can to get you to stay. And if that happens you makes sure you put your foot down and stick to what you say and what you want. He be close to his mom, but not be glued to her side every waking minute of the day. Have his own life away from her and be in contact her and there, and visit her occasionally. Have you seen the movie Monster-n-Law? Lol. You don't want that kind of drama, not that it would get that bad, but you kinda see what kind of similar things you could deal with. The one mistake I made when I was with my ex was that I didn't have enough back bone to stand up for what I wanted and what I know was to be right. I felt walked over and thought that nobody will ever want me especially now that I have a baby and I have to stick it out in hopes that he would change one day. Which of course NEVER happened. Therefore I got the abuse from him, and I had him leave me and his on 3 times and then to beg for me back months later. Now he's a dead beat dad and frankly I am glad he is out of my life. I have grown myself and gotten stronger and I know what kind of man I want want and father I want for my kids. And thank the Lord years later I got him. So someone did want me after all, lol. But don't make the same mistakes I did. Not that your guy is as bad as my ex was, but as far as the mommas boy go, he is close. Hoepfully he will be willing to give up all the extra time he has spent with his mother and devote that to you and the baby on the way. But be smart about your choices and make sure you make the right decsions that betters the future for you and the baby. I am here if you ever need to talk. You always inbox me if you need to speak privately too. :)
  • jellybelly1015jellybelly1015
    First few years of our marriage! First year I was in Army and he live in another state w parents for when I got shipped overseas so I let it slide, then when I got out we had to live w them bc no money so again, let it slide, then we finally got our own place and a year later lost it on him when he reffered his parents (for the millionth time) as his family instead if us as his family. After that he realized we were his family and started cutting the apron strings himself TG or I might have killed him. :)
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @Melinda326 thanks so much. I feel better and I've seen it along time ago.
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @jellybelly1015 yeah.I'm afriad that will happen when the baby dies come.
  • jellybelly1015jellybelly1015
    Hopefully not, hopefully this will be the building black he needs to see you all as a family, sometimes they just need an extra visual. :)
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    Yeah thanks
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @jellybelly1015 I just want him to grow up.
  • jellybelly1015jellybelly1015
    I get that... See discussion I posted a little bit ago... I'm starting to wonder if they ever do!
  • mommy_relmommy_rel
    my husband is like that..it drives me crazy!! Im sooo tired of it. Good thing the moving co is movin my crap tomorrow.. =[
  • gibbs_wifegibbs_wife
    @lilmommma story of my life, even after moving for Brooklyn, ny to Cali my husband's mom continues to get in the frikken way..I finally told him I'm not gonna make him choose ima just go back to ny. Packed my bag n had them at da door when he came home! I was on line lookin 4 da 1st flight out! He freaked! Started makin all sorta promises even called him mom n told her off in front me..he told her he can't choose between his new fam n her n its not fair he shud if she can't get it togetha his choice is me! LMAOOO. I was neva gonna leave him but sumtimes u gottA let them kno ur dead ass serious! This was a month ago n things have been totally different since! He let's me handle all his affairs n neva questions me..show ur man ur able n willing to lead bcuz ALL men r lookin for a woman like their mom
  • littlemommmalittlemommma
    @mommy_rel is he moving with you? And my man just talked to his mom about us getting an apartment and she said oh well imma miss you so much.. calm down..

    @Gibbs_wife I wish he would do that to his mommy but he is to close to her. He would chose her overr me. Any day. I think. He says I am ungrateful because she has let me live with them and all but he is just a momma boy who needs to grow. Me and his mom are COMPLETELY two different people. I couldn't ever be like her. Or want to. But ever time I tell him imma leave h doesn't believe me. But last night I told I need someone whose going to put me on top and if he's not going to ill find someone.who. will love me and my unborn baby.
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