soo im going to do it..
Ok so if you didn't read my "how do I tell him" post you'll be lost. For the ones who did. This is what I'm about to text him.. we were just putting clothes away and somehow we were talking and I said he's been distant. He said I've been distant and I haven't tried to kiss him lately. I told him I have, that all he does is play video games.
"I guess I'm still a lil hurt from that cl ad and the other thing. But you've been real distant too. The whole 3 weeks you were off you slept in and played video games. You haven't been helping out around the house lately. And I appreciate you cleaning the litter box but its a hassle to get you to do that. And you do cook when I fall asleep but you benefit from it to. I don't like how our routine has been for the past while. We don't do anything together. I sometimes feel like your pushing me away. Idk if ur nervous about the baby or if its something else. I do try and talk to you. And when I talk about the baby or about being pregnant you shrug it off. Or say something under ur breath like you did just now when I said I'm always tired. I miss the way things used to be. Id cook and you'd help me clean. I miss cleaning TOGETHER on the weekends like we did when kc and seth was here. But as soon as they both left we stopped. Your always saying how lazy kc was and how he just sat around and watched us clean. Well that's how I've been feeling with you. I'm sorry I'm writing this in a text but I can't just come out and say it. But I can't keep it bottled up. I want to be us again. Laugh and love eachother. I miss all those love notes you used to send me. You used to tell me everyday how I was amazing and you never do anymore.. have your feelings changed?"
I'm not good with speaking verbally about my feelings.
"I guess I'm still a lil hurt from that cl ad and the other thing. But you've been real distant too. The whole 3 weeks you were off you slept in and played video games. You haven't been helping out around the house lately. And I appreciate you cleaning the litter box but its a hassle to get you to do that. And you do cook when I fall asleep but you benefit from it to. I don't like how our routine has been for the past while. We don't do anything together. I sometimes feel like your pushing me away. Idk if ur nervous about the baby or if its something else. I do try and talk to you. And when I talk about the baby or about being pregnant you shrug it off. Or say something under ur breath like you did just now when I said I'm always tired. I miss the way things used to be. Id cook and you'd help me clean. I miss cleaning TOGETHER on the weekends like we did when kc and seth was here. But as soon as they both left we stopped. Your always saying how lazy kc was and how he just sat around and watched us clean. Well that's how I've been feeling with you. I'm sorry I'm writing this in a text but I can't just come out and say it. But I can't keep it bottled up. I want to be us again. Laugh and love eachother. I miss all those love notes you used to send me. You used to tell me everyday how I was amazing and you never do anymore.. have your feelings changed?"
I'm not good with speaking verbally about my feelings.
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I'll let you know how it goes.. I feel so sick to my stomach.. :0&
My response back "I always go in your room and sit there and see if you'll say something. I leave w/o saying stuff b.c. I know how mad you get when you die. You can't concentrate on me and something else at the same time. I don't know how stressful work is b.c. you never talk about it. I'll ask and you just give me a look and mock about how your day was just like yesterday. Idk. I know I haven't tried hard to much lately b.c. you've been so distant. I've talked about it. Like tonight and the other night I've mentioed several times how I'm bored, how your always watching tv or playing video games. Every chance you get it seems like your in there. And your not a fuck and you don't suck. We just need to work together with stuff. Its so tiring to clean up alone day after day. I know I've been lazy lately but I do clean up b.c. I know if I don't it'll just sit there. You know how upset I get. Or atleast I am pretty sure you do when I have to put the dishes away or put them in the dishwasher. You hear me shut the cubbards loudly. And sometimes u come in and help. But you get mad when I do. I don't want to make you mad. And sometimes that all I feel like I do. Like two nights ago when I brought up you not going to the u/s with me. I was really nervous and I really needed you to be there with me for support. You said you'd be there and you weren't."
Ohhhh that last statement just pissed me off!
Me:"You knew a week ahead and all that weekend it was the same day. We didn't do anything that weekend. So your saying its ok to not clean up or unpack anything for a month b.c. you moved stuff for one day?"
Him:Yeah, and you didn't bother to come out and help me clean the apartment either. Not once."
Me:"I was at the doctors for like 4 hours that Monday. And I can't just drag the kids to the apt and help clean and watch them. And expect them to sit there. You didn't go any day on the weekend. Or I would have helped you. I wanted to get all that crap out of there that Thursday but you said no. That YOU would just get it Friday when the carpet cleaner guy was there.."
I feel like this convo has gone back for the worse.. I think I'm done talking to him tonight.. now its just him blaming me.
Me:"I'm going to bed. I don't feel like we've resolved anything"
him"awesome".
I feel like I'm talking with my ex aaron now! Aaron always said awesome like a prick.. ugh I have such a pounding headache..
I feel like nothing has changed. I did at first when we were texting. But now everythings my fault.. no I wasn't going to carry heavy boxes down 2 flights of stairs. Sure if I didn't have asthma and if I wasn't pregnant.
im here if you need to talk