MIL wants my baby baptized, and it scares me.

edited May 2011 in Pregnant
Im agnostic, leaning toward athiest first of all and so is my boyfriend. His mom is very catholic, my mom is very jewish. So i honestly want to raise this child with an open and educated mind about all forms of religion and the lack thereof. However these two moms want their grandchild to be raised with a religious background perferably theirs. Although they have both settled with one thing each at least that i know of unless theyre waiting for a chance to sneek in other religious practices on the child.

Well my mom says she just wants him circumcised. His mom says she just wants him baptized. Then i feel like whats the big deal really, both practices are basically harmless. The circumcision might cause physical or emotional problems, but chances are low. Then baptism on the otherhand hits a more personal note. I dont want to feel judged by some man who is nothing more than just a man in my eyes. I dont want there to be some rule that i have to watch from the outside because im neither catholic nor married to my boyfriend. I will seriously be pissed off but to be honest every church is different with different rules and i just dont want to be caught off gaurd. Then of course his mom is actually very nice but she doesnt exactly know how to keep silent at a appropriate time. Im afraid she will upset me and as shes said a few very insuting things to me, pertaining to my lack of virginity (which i lost as a child in a horrible way), to whether my bf was really the father, and then when i went to her mothers mass my bf wasnt allowed to eat that bread thing because he was living a life of sin.

I just dont know whether to just give them this thing they want that is meaningless and unnessicary. Will they stop there? Will they want more? The fact is they should have no say in my opinion but i just dont want to piss them of.

Comments

  • Don't give in or it will never stop. It's your baby. You make the decisions.
  • Im atheist and believe that everyone should make there own mind up my children will choose there religion when they are older. Maybe you could compromise with your mums and let the.children attend religious meetings with them so they cam learn first hand about religion then get baptized or whatever when they are older.
  • I am not allow to eat thr bread either cause am not merried. But my son will be Baptist cause. I Think its a beautiful thing cause god is blessing our boy. Yet It's ur baby ur choice: )
  • This is a tough one, I'm agnostic also and it hasn't really started to come up in my family yet but they're mostly devout Catholics, especially on my dads side. They always say "ok, raise your child with whatever religious beliefs you want but get the child baptized just in case.." In case what?! haha
  • My mother wanted to baptize my son too but I said no that I will wait until he is old enough to choose for himself if he wants to be religious or not. I am not and neither is my fiance. And I'm not going to force religion onto my child unless he wants it. As for the circumcision I did do that because in the long run it will be easier for you to keep it clean while you're the one bathing him and easier for him to clean himself but circumcision is no longer something based on religion most doctors will tell you that it is best to get done. I'm not Jewish and neither is my son. But everything g is up to you! He is your child and it is tour decision not theirs and I know you want everyone to be happy but its not their decision to make. If you don't want him to be baptized or circumcised than he doesn't have to be. You know what is best for your children! Good luck! I hope things get easier for you!
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  • Ultimately its your choice and both sides need to understand that. But I totally agree with @blueberrysmom
  • Wow you are all very helpful. I will discuss it further with my boyfriend. Hopefully we will make the best choice for our little family.
  • If you aren't planning on bringing your child up in a Catholic home I don't see the point of baptising him. This may stir things up and if it does I'm sorry but I'm not Catholic. I do believe in and follow Christ. I personally plan on raising all my children in a Christian home and we believe that every person has a choice to believe or not believe in and follow Jesus. One step of following Him as a joyful act of obedience and proclaimation of following him is baptism. In the Bible when you translate the word baptism it refers to submersion in water and is an active choice of the individual. If my children or anyone else weren't going to follow Christ there would be no reason to be baptized. That's my opinion. Maybe if you want to compromise they could bless the baby or say a prayer for him. It may satisfy your MIL and at the same time honor the fact that you are raising him to choose his own way.
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  • @momtobe19, I agree with all of the ladies who say that it is your choice, truly. And I definitely agree with @blueberrysmom that it simply will not stop if you give in to things that are not within your belief system. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're a bad mommy for making a choice that might be different than theirs either..
  • im looking into a non denomanation blessing. I'm a person of faith but find I don't fit in with the catholic church anymore and I don't allow anyone to pressure me into something I'm not comfortable with. My husband is atheist and he us ok with us doing this that's really the only person that opinion matters to me. I think you should only do what you are comfortable with don't let anyone pressure you.
  • we are baptizing our child. we were both raised catholic but dont practice it now but I just feel like my baby should be baptized. but it is your decision! dont let them pressure you. my sister didnt get her kids baptized and neither did my brother and my mom got over it lol. just do what you think is right!
  • Don't give in do what you feel is right
  • @menemami, what happens during a non denominational blessing? Do you do it in a church or place of worship? I'm super interested.. I'd like to be able to present some options for family members that are concerned about our (well, currently just MY) choice to not baptize
  • I'm totally on board with @blueberrysmom and @lil_buggie_3 if you compromise on what you want now, it will never stop. Stand your ground! :)
  • My boyfriend and his family wants my daughter to be baptised but I flat oyt believe that being baptised is a person al choice, not mine to make!
  • I was almost in ur exact situation with my daughter. Her dad's mom and family is super catholic and at the time I was agnostic along with her dad. We ended up having her baptized anyway, and it was a beatiful, intimate ceremony even if I didn't believe what it symbolized. I was allowed to participate even tho we were not married and I wasn't Catholic. It kept his mom off our backs and she never said too much of anything about religion after that. Good luck with whatever choice you make =)
  • My parents are religious and their religion does blessings for babies and baptisms when they are 8. I agreed to have my girls blessed when they were babies since it's really just a prayer. My mom used to take my girls to church with her, but they didn't want to go anymore so that was their choice. I'm sure it upsets my mom, but they are my children and I'm not forcing religion upon them like she did to me.
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  • @lilbun915 I have never participated in this type of blessing so I don't know what happens and I have just recently started looking into it. I have found a list of pastors and reverends that participate in something like this in my area. Still have to contact someone and speak to them to get more details, but I won't be doing so until after the baby comes and do my girls together.
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