I hate my husband!

edited February 2011 in Pregnant
I am really starting to hate my husband. Ever since I became pregnant, he has been a complete asshole. He waits to we get to the doctors office to smoke. Then comes in smelling like smoke, sitting around all of these pregnant women, myself included. I told him to wait to do that when we leave and get home, but he says its no big deal, the baby can't smell it. Well, I don't smoke and I hate the smell. last night he rubbed my stomach, telling the baby "don't grow up to be an asshole". I couldn't believe he said that. I'm 7 months, got put on bedrest mid january and currently do not have the income coming in I once had. So I'm pretty much dependant on him. He refuses to pay the rent on time, he'll only give 100, then constantly making payment arraingments without telling me. The lights were recently disconnected, cells cut off and car repo'ed all because he lied and said he paid the bills. When I asked him where all the money went, if not on bills, he states "mind your own business". Once again, we're married, that IS my business. The money I had saved for going on maternity leave I had to use to reconnect everything and get his car back. My car is paid for. I just really needed to vent, cause I'm about to go crazy. I tired talking to his mother about the situation, she just says, "i'm sorry to hear that". Nothing more. I tired going to a counselor together, he refuses. I made a budget and he won't stick to it. So, I'm just ready to take the last of my saving, move in with my mom, until I have my son, and get a divorce. If not, yall might catch me on "snapped" lol

Comments

  • Wow, first off let me say I'm so sorry that you're going through this kind of stress while you're pregnant. I definitely have to agree with you that he sounds like a complete asshole. I can't believe he allowed your lights to be cut off. That shows that he has absolutely no concern what so ever. Honestly hun, I think your idea of moving with your mind might be the best thing for you and your child. He sounds like a major problem & id hate for things to get worse for you.
  • Thanks @mrshudson10 , I honestly don't know what else to do. I'm burnt out, frustrated and beyond aggravated. I think he feels because I'm not working, then he can control everything. I'm so stressed, my hair is falling out.
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  • Omg! That is definitely not good. Please get outta that situation, at least until you have your baby. He sounds very selfish and self centered and quite frankly if he's going to continue to be that way you're better off alone. Pregnancy is hard enough without having extra ridiculous outside stress. Do what's best for you and your baby, you guys are what's important. I wish you the best of luck. Be strong!
  • Hi brandi I am going through a divorce my advice to you is make sure you r doing the right thing for you and nobody else I to tryed to get counseling and he thought it was joke. So idecided it was the best thing for me and my children to leave, I stand by my desion and I have never been happier my only regret is not making sure I was more finacially sound but I am making it.(and of coarse now he will do anything even couselling lol) just make sure its the right thing for you and then go for it because god will see you through.
  • Thank you ladies, I just needed to let this all out. I'm a very private person, but this seemed like the best place to open up and places my fears and problems. I called my mom, and when he goes to work tonight, i'm leaving. I can't do it while he's here or he will get out of control.
  • Good for you. Best of luck hun, stay strong.
  • @honeyeyez I totally agree with you. I will try the seperation first. But I can't keep living like this. We just got married August and found out two weeks after that we were expecting, so it has been a trying 1st year, but i've never experienced getting off work at 9pm and the lights being cut off. I keep alot of what he does a secret, but this is getting ridiculous. Are you thinking about going to counseling with your husband now? If so, I wish you both the best, I would never tell a woman to divorce her husband, but really analyze the situation.
  • Good for u girl! U need to be happy with no stress. In the last three months of your pregnancy the baby can feels ur emotions and shares them with u. If u stress the baby will to. If u lived near me I would come help u pack and move anytime. Its going to be his loss for sure. Raising a child with him, 50-50 chance the child will pick up his traits. I can't believe ur lights were turned off! What a jerk! And its so cold outside.good luck! Ill be prayin for and the baby.
  • Ur starting to talk about private issues, that's good! Get it out! Talk to ur friends and his. Mabey the more people crack down on him and tell him this is not right, maybe the faster he will Get it in gear!
  • I just wanted to say that I wish you the BEST of luck, and I really think you're doing the right thing. I would hope for the sake of your love together and marriage that this separation hits him like a ton of bricks, makes him wake up, & he implements some much needed changes in his life. Perhaps if he can show you that he can be a responsible, mature adult, that will be the first step to healing your mariage. In the short term, you need to be somewhere safe for yourself & baby, where you won't have to worry about the power being turned off, & stress can be kept to a minimum. If he REALLY loves you, this will be a turning point in his life. He needs to be an equal, responsible partner in order to be a good husband...& a good father. You can do this, with or without him, either way. Stay strong, honey! We're here to listen. :)
  • Sounds like your going to be raising two children if you stay with him. Each time you allow him to just control everything it teaches him that he can just keep doing it. Time to move in with mom and see what happens...most men can't survive without us women ;;)
  • @mrs_america, thanks for the advice, I understand what you're saying, but I doubt it will help, he gives money to his "friends" so I doubt they'll tell him to stop. His parents are enablers. He drinks 3 beers a day and his mom has no problem giving him money for beer if and when he runs out. He has yet to buy ANYTHING for our son. He said the only thing he will buy is a crib, and the rest, down to the mattress is on me. Not even diapers or bottles.
  • @artist and ncblink, I already have two daughters from a previous relationship, so I definitely don't have the energy for a grown immature boy. I live in South Carolina and my mom lives in Georgia, I hate to withdraw my girls from their school and find a new doc in Ga. But it looks like the best option. Thank you all for the support!!
  • Awww...I wish your mom lived closer, that would make things a whole lot easier. If I wasn't stuck here in the frozen tundra of Pennsylvania, I'd help you with the move. Us pregger ladies need to stick together! :)
    It sounds like he is really being rotten and VERY self-centered. What a shame, when this should be a time of great joy for you both. Did he ever act like this before ya'll were married, or is this one of those cases of the man really changing after "I do" is said?
  • @brandy keep us posted on how you're doing honey, we're all in your corner!
  • Yeah I hope things get better 4 u when u stay with ur mom for awhile. I think he will want 2 change as soon as he sees ur not going 2 put up with his bs. My bf did but I still feel like he trys 2 test me sometime but I let him no im not dealing with his bs anymore I already have 2 worry about my son and daughter and soon this baby. I dont need 2 worry about his grown ass 2.
  • Leave him while u can, it seems like u and ur baby be homeless if he don't pay the most neccessary bills. I wouldn't even used my savings to ge his car back, u should have left right then
  • @brandyei LOL girl just promise me you won't snap and kill him. Some men don't know a good thing till its gone. HE sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. And he needs to see what life would be like if you walked away and left him.....
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