Should I leave now or after?

Megrod88Megrod88
edited May 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
Okay, I have to leave sooner or later. My bf is not improving. I really thought he was but he had another scary outburst and yet again in front of my child. He even kicked his "beloved" cat across the room. I also found his army records a few days ago that had all kinds of assault charges and even one against a girl at a bar which was why he was kicked out. I never knew he was kicked out... What I'm getting at is I'm kind of stuck. I'm unemployed now, so I have no income. I have a car and cell phone. That's it. He won't leave, he said me and my daughter can leave if I want to. Idk where to go. I tried to go to my grandparents but they said they can't take us in for more than a week. This is the worst situation I've ever been in. Before I met him I made 2000 a month and had my own 2bd 2bath apartment. I know I won't be able to get a job til after the baby but even then idk how id be able to afford child care for two kids. I'm so afraid I'm not going to be able to leave. Has anyone been through this and how did you get away?

Comments

  • mrs_shumrs_shu
    I'm sorry you're in this position. Yes leavr now not after. Contact social services in the morning, I don't know where you live but they can find emergency housing for you. It may be a shelter or motel but frankly its better than the abusive environment you your daughter and unborn child are livinf in. Stay strong.

  • blueberrysmomblueberrysmom
    Please leave now, hun. It doesn't sound safe to stay. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I really am.
  • juliek77juliek77
    I would leave now! He sounds volatile. If he was kicked out of the army for assaults and such that is serious. The military has a process by which you go through to get that far. If it started as a bar brawl for example, he might get non judicial punishment or counseling and each subsequent offense would cause more punishment. So either he had one very serious event that he got like court martialed for or a series of events that lead to that. Was he in combat? Does he have PTSD?

    I am sorry you have to go through this especially with a child and being pregnant. I know it won't be easy. Can you stay with your grandparents for a short time until you can get something else worked out?

    Good luck hun! Take care!
  • Megrod88Megrod88
    @juliek77 He was court martialed. It was the event involving the girl at the bar. It was an asault/sexual asault case apparently. It ended up being thrown out but he was kicked out for it. I confronted him. He claims she made it up but apparently there were photos. This all happened in 08 when he was in Washington. This has me even more worried than usual. He has no ptsd. He was stationed in Ft. Lewis and never left.

    Yes, I can stay at my grandparents for no more than a week. Ill have to go there and try to figure out where to go after that. I just don't know how social services works and if they'll help me get a place since I make no money.
  • laura536laura536
    Go to your grandparents and then apply for help. You should qualify for a bunch of help, including daycare assistance. You may have to get a part time job, depending on your county.
  • juliek77juliek77
    I don't know how they work either but there has to be someone to help you! You guys can come to Phoenix and stay in my guest room LOL. No one should be in this situation. I know it sounds bad but his actions might be more understandable if he was diagnosed with PTSD and there are things that can be done to help that. I am not saying he can't be helped without it but he seems to be making excuses and just not care about anything (I am sorry that sounds harsh). He has some serious anger management issues and if he can kick a cat across the room shows he isn't above violence. Has he ever hit you or your child? I am sorry if I am being too nosy. The fact that he has told you that you can leave but he won't is just sad especially since you are carrying his child. How does he feel about the pregnancy?
  • Megrod88Megrod88
    @juliek77 No you're right. Idk if he cares. When I tell him I'm gonna leave he plays sweet to keep me here, things go well for a week, then he goes back to his normal angry screaming self. He blames so many different things. It used to be because he wasn't working so that was why he was stressed now that he is working he says he's stressed from that. He also says he's stressed cuz I'm pregnant and he'll go back to "normal" after the babys born. Its always some reason why he storms around screaming, and cussing. None are his fault. And its very scary when he screams, I'm pretty tough but he scares me to the point of tears. He's never hit us but he has grabbed my arms hard enough it left fingerprint bruises. This was last month when I was around 31 weeks.
  • MandielynneMandielynne
    No girlie, get out n go to ur grandparents no man should ever leave a mark on you :/ u never know what he is capable of..im sorry youre dealing with this :(
  • momof22bemomof22be
    You Ned to leave there are womens shelters that can help you and help with babysitting and helping you find a job and a new apartment and they can help you signboard up for all the government help its the shelter for abused and battered women and children trust me I went there with my mom when I was little and the helped us allot good luck Hun but don't stay men like that never change they only get worse and no one will ever change for someone else people only change for themselves prayers but don't let your daughter grow up scared I thank god everyday that my mom left my dads a pretty good guy now but he has changed for himself and is remarried and has more children
  • momof22bemomof22be
    edited May 2011
    Im so sorry though Hun I've really been there both as a child and as an adult don't be scared be strong for yourself and your kids and we are all here for moral support
  • blissmarie23blissmarie23
    I agree with the girls go to your grandparents as long as you can and try to find a shelter in your area to go to. It's not going to be permanent and alot of places will help you find work. I know it's not ideal but you don't want him to hurt you or your children. Get out while you have time!!
  • momof22bemomof22be
    I say just find out where the womens shelter is its a simple phone call to your local non emergency police department or Google it. If you go to your grandparents house he might go there and cause problems over there you have no idea what he is capable of people like that are dangerous be safe and be careful
  • juliek77juliek77
    Even if he hasn't hit you, leaving bruises on you after grabbing you hard is abusive. Ugh, I just want to punch him in the junk or better yet send my retired Marine husband over there to punch him in the junk. Sorry, I know this is the father of your baby but he seems to be an asshat. He needs help with his anger and you don't need to be there to be around it. You need to focus on you, your child and your baby.
  • MommyMookieMommyMookie
    I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.. especially pregnant. No woman deserves to be put in a situation where she has nowhere to go while she's pregnant. Please leave... if not for you do it for your children..their safety is at risk also. Ill keep u in my prayers.
  • LilOneOnTheWayLilOneOnTheWay
    I feel so awful for you and during a time when you need safety, security, and love it is a shame to have to confront this situation. But, I think you definitely have to confront it and make sure you are safe. That probably means leaving. It's going to be easier to do now than when your little one is born. Please be careful!
  • Megrod88Megrod88
    Wouldn't he get the baby though if he tried if I had it at a shelter? I have no proof of his violence and so far he's got a nice new house with a furnished baby nursey(which I made btw). I only have a month before I deliver. We live in a pretty bad town. The only shelter I know of has like actual bums hanging out outside of it. People call it the "Whino House". I am going to call 211 though after I get to my grandparents tomorrow. I'm going to leave while he's a work.
  • momof22bemomof22be
    There should be a separate shelter for battered women and children and no he would not get the kid he has a history of violence from the army so don't be scared at all Hun
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