Having my baby in three days and i am now single :(

angiefaceangieface
edited May 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
So today I threw my bd out. The situation is pretty heartbreaking. I'm so hurt and pretty sensitive so be nice. But my bd has a serious drug problem . I've known about it off and on but continued giving him chances in hopes that he was sincere about not wanting to loose me and my kids.And that he was for the moe part clean. Its sad how blind you can be when you really love someone and you really want things to work out .I feel like such a fool. Today I caught him doing heroin in the bathroom.I wont let him come back till he goes to treatment and gets a job. I am actually getting a new place on the 1st and staying with friends till then. He will not be able to find me.Here's the thing I'm debating...... as much as I don't want to to see him until he gets help I'm not sure if I should keep him away from the hosptal when the babies born. Maybe if he sees his son it will give him more motivation to sucessfuly change. But I'm so mad too I want him to pay for how bad he has hurt and betrayed me.And I can not allow this sort of thing around my new baby or children. I know that I can request that he not be allowed in labor & delivery and security wont let him. BUT like I said should I allow hm to see the baby in the hospital then say" this is it if you want see our baby anymore you have to go to treatment and have a job"? Help my heads a mess!

Comments

  • Kate_KKate_K
    A plus to letting him come to the hospital is that if he gives you any problems you can have him removed. You can also make sure they know he is not allowed to be alone with baby.
  • tinkertinker
    I'm no longer with my bd either... he can't seem to change I always catch him talking to girls n he seems to waste his money on drugs (coke) . Instead of buying for the baby... n I tryed making it wrk giving him chance after chance.. but now its like he dbt want nothing with me he ignores me all the time. But he'll realize wat he's losing.. hopefully.. but wen the babys born I still want him there if he wants to b ther
  • angiefaceangieface
    @Kate_K
    Rite that's what I was thinking. That it would be a more controlled environment. I didn't know that I could request him to not be left alone with him , I don't think he would harm or kidnap the baby but Its nice to know that I can have him gone if need be.
  • mschopmschop
    I would thinking getting to see his baby, and even holding him for a little bit may help him get clean. Once your out of the hospital though don't let him come around till he has the treatment and a job. Your being a heack of a momma by kicking him out too, looking out for what is best for your babies
  • imanimom2011imanimom2011
    Sorry to hear that. You need to do what is right for your kids. Keep him away and if he truly loves you then he will come back and do what's right for u and his baby. I know its hard but talk it out with family and friends and pray about it.
  • angiefaceangieface
    @tinker
    Its so hard because I'm so angry I really want him to hurt like I do now. He hasn't ever cheated on me but OMG has he lied to and manipulated me.He has stolen money from me and I'm pretty sure he has gotten money from his family claiming it was something for our baby and spent it on drugs. He has never bought anything for our baby with his hard earned money. Everytime I caught him before he would be very humble about it cry his eyes out and beg for a chance to change.
  • angiefaceangieface
    edited May 2011
    @mschop
    Thank you I pretty sure that's what I'm going to do. But I'm definitely not letting him know where I live or letting him see the baby or my other kids till he is in treatment and has a job. My kids are pretty mad at him they are older and know what happend.But they love him a lot too we all just want to see him get better.
  • MybabeMybabe
    I wish you the best it seems like your making a good decision to let him go to the hospital and see your baby then off to rehab... and I applaud you for standing your ground and kicking him out its hard for some women to do that!!!
  • VictoriaBVictoriaB
    My aunt is going through a similar situation. Her husband does heroin and refuses to get clean again. She recently just kicked him out for good. She was a drug addict, alcoholic, and prostitute for years and now that she's turned her life around, she doesn't want anyone bringing her down.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with that right before your due date :( Personally, I'd let him see the baby at the hospital and let the nurses know the situation. Good luck!!!
  • baileygoosebaileygoose
    I'm sorry that you have to go through this! Sounds like you probably did the right thing though! I guess I think differently than everyone else, because I don't feel that he should be at the hospital. Just doesn't seem appropriate to me I guess. He doesn't really deserve to be there really. I wouldn't feel bad either, this is all his fault. Maybe NOT seeing his baby will be what causes him to "wake up!" You will decide what is right for you and your family...good luck! That can't be easy! Keep your head up mama!
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  • jessm22jessm22
    Most hospitals if he appears intoxicated at all they won't let him up to see you
  • 4senough4senough
    Youre doing the right thing! Tell him he has to be sober, but he can come see the baby. Im sorry it had to happen this way for you & your family, and I hope he does go to rehab and get better, for all of you. Good luck!
  • livelaughlove87livelaughlove87
    For your sake I wouldn't let him in l&d...you need good vibes and him being there wont give you that. Let him come to recovery to see the baby. Now the flip side to that is seeing his baby born may help him change...but heroin is a highly addictive drug. Birth of his baby or not, he is going to need major help. Do what you think is best for you and the baby. I definitely suggest him only seeing the baby in recovery and to prewarn the nurses before he gets there.
    Good luck!!
  • nmartinez79nmartinez79
    I'm sorry I went through the same thing with my ex a few weeks before I was due. I let him be there for the birth but he left right after cuz he supposedly needed time to think. He is a tweaker and hasn't seen my son in 5 years. In your baby daddy's defense I think heroin is a lot different. I have a friend who's in detox from heroin. They r addicted different from other things. If they stop they get sick. It pretty much consumes their life. He's probably not in the right frame of mind to think or care about u or his baby. He can make a decision to seek help if he wants to get clean and be apart of your life. I'm sorry you're going thru this especially when you're emotional and getting ready to have a baby. It was probably the worst time of my life! Believe it or not life has a way of working out. 6 years later I'm married to a wonderful man and having our 2nd baby. U will be OK, keep your head up;)
  • bettybetty
    I agree with baileygoose. He SHOULDNT see bby til he changes for good! It will hurt him sooo much, and if his ready to step up and be a daddy, he will make the 1st move!
  • blissmarie23blissmarie23
    I think you are making a good decision getting away from him. It shows you are mentally tough!! I would let him come to the hospital if you think you can handle it. But if its going to stress you out during labor or recovery. I would think about it long and hard. You will know what you want to do when the time comes. Someone said you should inform the nurses of your situation and I think that's a good idea too as long as they honor your wishes. Hopefully this will change his heart toward being sober. I'm sorry you are going through this though.

    I have a friend who's just started a long term rehab program for prescription pills. Her husband had to kick her out and her kids are older too. They are heartbroken right now but she is finally getting help because of her husbands tough love.
  • Jess510Jess510
    I would let him be there for the birth. However when you get home I'd tell him he needs to enter rehab in order to see the baby. Heroin is a very hard drug to quit. Honestly he won't change until he's ready. Hopefully the baby will make an impact on him.
  • janellesmommiejanellesmommie
    @jess510 I agree with yu
  • angiefaceangieface
    edited May 2011
    I just talked to him on the phone .He's going to rehab Wednessday morning! I told him he can see the baby after the delivery but I'm too hurt to let him actually be in L&D its such an intimate thing for me. But after that we will not have any physical contact until he's in rehab and wont be living with us till he does 90 days treatment is clean for at least two months after that and has a job. Also if I suspect he's f$&%ed up at the hospital he will be asked to leave immediately. I soo wont let him even touch
    the baby if he is high. I hope he's serious about getting help and can get and stay clean. Im not trying to be negative but I honestly have my doubts. He's been in treatment before. So I guess for our babys sake ill try to be suportive of his soberity.But I will not get my hopes up. Thank you everyone for your advise and support I really appricate it.:) Now I'm going to relax and start getting excited about seeing my baby Tuesday! It might not be the L&D I planned but its still happening and I'm not letting this ruin one of the best days of my life.
  • Babygirl716Babygirl716
    @angieface - u are one strong momma! So very proud of u, & u are just what ur bd needs. Some tough love, ur on the right path sweetie. Stay strong and u & ur kids are in my thoughts & prayrs!
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