Sometimes I hate my culture...

edited May 2011 in Pregnant
Why? Because, I married the oldest son and they expect me to do everything for them (his family) they don't get that I have my own life to worry about you guys have arms and legs to get up and do it yourself. Just because I'm the oldest daughter in law I don't always have to cook for them and clean the whole house so they can just watch me and relax! Excuse me, that's not how the way things run in my house! That just how it is in my culture. I absolutely hate it. I don't come in a family and take all your chores away so you all can relax. No way... I am preggo and I can barely bend over to do anything and still expect me to do things that involve that kind of work. Have sympathy if you want want your chores to be done, have respect for a daughter in law/wife/sister in law! Gosh, gonna make me stress out then my baby will have to really karate chop people in the face. Now i love my husbands family to death, they are sweet and very helpful but telling me that "oh your the oldest daughter in law,we are gonna make you work hard, cook for us all the time and clean the house" very rude and disrespectful to me. FWI I'm pregnant and can't even shave down there how do you expect me to always bend over to clean things? Ugh.... Of well, can't never really get away from it so... Get over it mammanouchee! Life is not always glamorous! Just needed to vent, makes me feel better.

Comments

  • I wouldn't lift a finger... be too bad, doctor said to take it easy. And ur idea of easy isn't in my profile..
  • @jess8d7 oh girl, don't even want to talk about easy. Not with this stuff. If I don't do anything, my husbamd will be the first to hear about it then here comes the phone calls! Yap yap yappity yap yap! Ugh, grow up and learn to stand up for yoyr wife my goodness!
  • That's how it was in my husbands family. My family is very americanized and his is very old school traditional. You know how I got away with it? I never started. They wanted my husband to marry one from overseas. Shoot, I wish he would too, so I would never have to cook or clean again. Haha.
  • edited May 2011
    Girl I feel ya my husbands parents r the same way I clean cook watch them they have health issues but they can pick up there damn plates scrape them and put them in the cink with some water for heavens sake thank god my husband is helping allot during this pregnancy
  • edited May 2011
    @jcmommy ugh tell me about it! I feel ya girl! I would laugh in their faces if that overseas girl F their son over! So much for a "none lazy girl" psh...please lol

    @momof22be I swear, my family is not like this toward my sister in law. My parents are sick but gah they still get up to do work. Why? Because its their house, they know where they stand! Ugh, irritates me!
  • i would personally give them an earful about how we are in the 20th century now, and we no longer do things that way here. i have respect for cultural differences, but that ends where their expectations of my own personal physical labor begins. i hope i do not offend you, i think you are very nice. my side of the family is southern and the same way, i always make a point to mention that my husband cooks and does the dishes around them! lol
  • @juneduebug oh girl not offensive, I agree with you all the way! That's how I feel... Get your head out of the old age and know that the 20th people are different and do things differently. They just don't understand... I hate that so much!
  • My goodness. I was afraid to read this at first but I see what you mean. My friend is Korean and that's how it is in her household. Her grandparents live with her cus he dad was their oldest son and her mom has to do everything. I hope things get better.
  • edited May 2011
    Yeah, fight the power girl! Lol but seriously, especially because you are pregnant you should abstain from their oldfashioned bs, imho.
  • Ugh I'm so sorry for you! My hubby is Mexican hes very American Mexican n his mom is the old fashioned I don't speak Spanish don't care to n she don't speak English so we really don't talk but I know she gives me looks n talks behind my back I'm a white. Country girl Lol do it yourself if u want it type. It bugs me that people just don't get it we r pregnant! !!
  • edited May 2011
    @teuy I hope so too. Word of advice... Never marry a momma's boy. His parents will always fall on his side! I hate it! Its like one of those boys who don't grow up. Tsk tsk sad sad sad :(

    @juneduebug yes! Fight the power! When I put my foot down and say things got to change, it will change or I'm outty! No more of this babying and family.

    @azmom I feel ya. One time I was cooking for my husband, I baked the chicken in the oven and it was fully cooked but it had those brown thingy on there which will always be there! Anyways she thought it was raw and talked behind my back! What a loser head. My husband even agreed with her and said the same thing and it embaressed me amd made and mad me mad! Gosh...
  • Your husband should back you up honey! You should try to talk this out with him, I think if you guys were a unified front and he spoke up for you, they would leave it alone. If not, at least you wouldn't feel embarassed and undermined in front of all his people!
  • I'm sorry your going thru that but honesty sweetie I wouldn't take that crap... if they don't like something then they should've done it themselves and if they don't wanna then stop taking crap because honestly they must like it if they are not getting up to do it themselves.. my sister had a MIL like that it was going on for 6 yrs and finally she put her foot down.. the grandma got so scared that she could lose her and the grandkids that she shut her mouth and helped out more.. put ur foot down girl.. ur have a lot more power and authority then u thing.. remember that nothing can be changed until its faced.. what ur doing is the same thing ur doing they talk crap but let u do the work and u do the work but then talk crap.. untie urself from the vicious cycle and put ur foot down for ur childs sake.. best wishes
  • edited May 2011
    @sunsh1neome thanks hun. That helps a lot! He is a momma's boy. I hate that he is, sometimes when we argue I always tell him, you are a bad excuse of man. Always follow what your mommy say and never your wife! That's why at the end in always right and he still don't see that. Oh well.

    @juneduebug I wouldnt count on it. When I do it gets him and he "says he understand" then next thing you know, he don't know anything that I said. But sometimes he understands and stands up for me but that's usually rare of him. He thinks that his mom is the old wise one who been through alot to know the life of hardship. Yes I understand but ppl got their own battles to fight and mine has nothing to do with her past.
  • He is married to you, not his mother. He doesn't have to disrespect her, but he can say no, my wife is pregnant, I will do it. Or please don't ask her to do those things, she is exhausted from the pregnancy. I am sorry he is inconsistent with you, maybe it is him you should put your foot down with. No offense honey!
  • I am married to a mommas boy too. There was a bunch of drama a few years ago and he never stood up for me, finally I had to sit him down and tell him how much it hurt, he had no idea from that moment on he stood up for me. Just tell him! Sorry your going through all this.Im native american and in my culture you take care of your elders..but if you are pregnant everyone takes care of you!!
  • I hate that shyt. cambodians r the same way. cook clean n wash everyones dishes just to please the elders. lucky me, my husband aint asian. I live with my mil, I dont clean nun but my room. I wash dishes if I see dishes in the sink. she cooks most of the time bc she wants to. wen I cook I share also. but now that im pregnant I dont have to do anything not even carry a bag of grocery lol
  • I know its crazy I'm half Arab and my husband is Thai so his parents do just sit arround well not his mom as much as his dad it makes me wanna pull out my hair
  • That totally sucks! My hubby is the only son of the oldest son. I'm lucky the only thing they expect from me is to have at least one baby boy. I'm having twin boys so my job is almost done. Lol. I hate sexism in cultures.
  • @juneduebug when I do that, I'm just wasting my time. He sometimes does that but when he does he always tell me, next time just tell me ok? Psh please! I always do but your dumb butt don't listen. Lol. I always tell him, I married you, not your mom...
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  • I would half due everything that way they wouldn't want me to do nothing! lol half wash plates, leave crust and crumbs all over them and put them right in the cabinet. you want me to cook okay, half cook food. my rice would be crunchy my meat would still be bleeding! lol they would definitely fear me doing anything
  • @lil_buggie_3 no, its just whar they expect it from me and everything.
  • @mommie_mcatee oh lordy if I did that I would not be Mrs. Lor anymore! Haha. I wish I could but I gotta eat too.
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