honest opinions please (vent) long

first_timer89first_timer89
edited June 2011 in Pregnant
okay so I married my husband knowing he had an 8 yr old son. well after we got married things went wayyy down hill his son slept wit us the nights he was here and got so soiled rotten he couldnt even get hhis own drink out the fridge. to make matters worse he wouldnt even shower alone daddy had to shower with him. his excuse for everything is hes scared. so fast forward to the present my husband asked if I could watch him over night cuz his mom is going out. hubby will be at werk overnightt. I said no cuz im in my first trimester and im tired all the time. I dont have energy to stay up all night with him btw he dont have a bedtime. so he told me im being over dramatic and he would find someone to come to our house and watch him. I said no cuz ill be sleeping I dont want party animals in the house. I also dont feel comfortable sleepin on the same bed with an 8 year old who sleeps in his underwear. needless to say hes not talkin to me now and I dont know if I can handle all this stress anymore im going insane. am I wrong for sayin no?
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Comments

  • blueberrysmomblueberrysmom
    I would think that he would want to actually be home when his son is there. Also, that he would understand if you're not quite up to it. Maybe hiring a baby sitter and not some party animals would be a good compromise?
  • ashleysplash89ashleysplash89
    No i dont think your wrong id be the exact same. He sounds soo spoilt lol! Do whatever your comfterable with doin ur hubby shud respect that.
  • mandac10mandac10
    I would've said no too. The boy has issues and needs help. Sleeping with a step child along is bound to start rumors by a crazy ex! U may have just saved ur butt from even more stress
  • mommy318332mommy318332
    I agree the kid has issues.. my 7 yr old does everything herself.. and has never slept with me unless really really sick. I think hubby needs a wake up call
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  • first_timer89first_timer89
    omg thank u guys I knew I didnt sound as rediculous as he said. before we got preg. he had sympathy wen I had a headache or something now he says its too early for me to have any symptoms and im being a drama queen. he has no consideration for how I feel. he says that I should want to watch him and that I dont take responsibility for my step son. but hubby works 7 days a week and dont see that I sleep practically all day and night. im just at a complete loss on what to say anymore. I have to watch him and thats the end of it says hibby.
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    im just so frustrated because of now that we are having a baby I asked if he could put his son in HIS room which he has... cuz theres no room in our room for a bassinet cuz of his bed and I think its more important to have a newborn next to me than an 8 year old. he says that it wouldnt be fair to kick him out. I just kinda resnt his son now and I know its wrong but I cant help it.
  • laura536laura536
    Maybe make him follow your rules, if you are watching him. Set a bedtime and put him in his own room. He's WAY too old to still be in your bed and he should be showering on his own as well.
  • ceegansmommy09ceegansmommy09
    Good for you not enabling that behavior
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    I have tried that. he doeant listen to me for anything but its only when hubbys out. if I put hom in his own bed he will come right to my room as soon as I lay down. if I stay in there with himhe wont go to sleep. since I dont have any kids I cant put up a good argument cuz he has raised 3 all good young adults. I wasnt around when the others were young but he says they slept with him too. it honestly grosses me out. especially the showers.
  • bbylucasMommabbylucasMomma
    Yes I agree ya should set some rules if he keeps letting him be so spoiled and sheltered he's gonna grow up thinking he can have what he wants my brother was and he's the worst big warning
    So take care of it now cause noone is happy around him and he feels like everyone hates him but its not that at all
  • lae3lae3
    im sorry but thats weird bed n showerd hell no! 3 is the cut off for both.. n i cut off sooner .
    my kids dont sleep w me .. showereing out pf convenience sometimes . but beyond that no.. i would just tell the kid to go to sleep in his own dam room if i were watchin him.. tell him hes too old and its inappropreate
  • lae3lae3
    if that doesnt work tell him u dont want the baby to get squished cause its so small lol
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    thanks ladies. im not allowed to tell him about baby til I start showing wich wont be for a very long time. I agree with @lae3 it should be cut off way earlier. but hubby sees nothibg wrong with any of it and I just dont understand cuz im not a mother. ughhh I wana scream.
  • lae3lae3
    im on my third and my kids r my life.. thats why i want them to feel confident and not insecure.. time to move him out.. hes not gonna sleep w/ u n baby i hope.. that would be unsafe
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    I don't want to sound gross but showers that late in life seems um... illegal? And he shpwered with all of his kids. My step dad showered with me... but it was so he could abuse me. I'm not saying thats what your husband is doing. I have just never heard of someone showering with an 8 yearold without other intentions in mind. Does his mom shower with him??
  • lilbabythreelilbabythree
    My 2 year old has his own room and sleeps in his own twin bed. My 4 year old showers and go potty on her own. I mean does this child go to the bathroom on his own or put is clothes on or wear diapers? If not there is no need to for the spoon feeding. At 8 he should have chores, bedtime, rules. Ur not wrong for saying no but u need to have a long talk with the hubby about ur parenting styles other wise ur going to creat trouble in ur house and have ur kids and hubby against ut because ur the mean one.
  • AKmommyAKmommy
    Wait, you're not allowed to tell him about the baby? Thats nuts....how the hell does he think letting an 8 year old have control of anything is a good idea. You're not overreacting at all seems like this little kid has more control than you. Time to put your foot down or up his ass, one or the other
  • lae3lae3
    edited June 2011
    @ll10 im with you on that one.. ugh unfortunatly thats the first thing that came to mind with me.. but i try to stay pos.. ive had a few friends and fam members who were molested in that same way.. actually showers or co sleeping its sick to think but its true.. i wouldnt allow it .. boy or girl.. doesnt matter.. just weird especially the showers at that age.. ugh..
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    well it doesnt bring up red flags because he asks his dad to shower with him but I still think its just plain wrong. I agree with @akmommy that he does have more control than I do and we cant tell hom be,ause hubby thinks he will be mad. im excited and want to tell the world but I have to hide it when friends come over or his fam. and no the baby has to sleep in nursery from day one because since his son is in our room we have no room for a bassinet. for more comfort my husband put 2 queen size beds together so we would have more room. no room for anything else. it hurts me but I also dont want to kick him out cuz of the baby. then he will resent baby. its still really early in pregnancy so hopefully things will change in time.
  • lae3lae3
    im sorry but i would take my baby in the other room along with a bassinet and a quen size bed.. just to make a point... thats rediculouse in my oppinion.. your baby has to go to another room.. so every time the infant crys your going to have to get up and go to the other room.. just irritating to hear.. and 8yrs old he will be madder if you just spring a baby on him instead of giving it time to sink in.. are you sure its not because he doesnt want his other baby momma to know??? cause thats also weird to me .. i mean if your waiting for 12wks or something i get it ... but to leave him out the preg.. doesnt allow him to grow.. plus its a good opprotunity to move him out of the bed
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    @lae3 no he doesnt want any of his fam to know. im not sure why bu he said to wait til its obvious. I have my first ultrasound pic and I cant even pit it on the fridge with the pics of all his other kids. it hurts me like hes embarrassed or this baby might not be good enough for hos family. im not sure of the reason but I dont like it. I have been thinking about moving a bed into my so called nursery but then I feel hubby will follow and so would 8 year old. im just going thru this horrible time and cant vent to my family cuz they are not in the loop about his son. its so hard.
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    and on top of it all im haveing a c sec so I would have to get up everytime and go to another room. he just doesnt understand.
  • CarrieLeeCarrieLee
    Wow, this boy is being babied to the point where it's inappropriate. I could see you getting into some trouble if certain people found out that you bathe him and he sleeps in your bed with you. Time to set some rules.
  • Tita2k5Tita2k5
    Sounds like your hubby needs a wake up call. Move into the other room that's what I would do..give him some sort of ultimatum!
  • stacyraestacyrae
    I agree, maybe you could move into the nursery for a while. Your husband seems to be babying the 8 year old more than the actual baby!
  • lae3lae3
    wow im sorry girl.. he sounds like a jerk.. forgive me for saying that ..but hes being selfish.. and tell him that you want to move to the nursery just to see his reaction.. you have a hard enough time sleeping while pregnant you need all you can get.. oh why do you have to have a c sec.. isnt this your first child.. just being nosey.. lol..
  • lae3lae3
    oh yeah and lock the door if you have to to keep that lil bugger out.. lol.. im sory i probably sound mean..
  • lae3lae3
    oh yeah you could also tell your hubby you asked your ob about saftey of sleeping arangements and they said you should not have an adolecent in your bed.. for goodnes sakes..
  • first_timer89first_timer89
    @lae3 well I have frequent herpes outbreaks (dont judge me) from a previos relationship. since they are sofrequent ob says rather be safe than sorry. I have tried numerous ultimatums of im sleeping on the couch cuz of his son and I literally spent a week on the couch. he says bc he dont have his son fulltime he wants his son to have all the comfort in the world. I understand but its beyond comfort and its beyond it for me too. I mean dont get me wrong I love my husband and his son dearly but sometimes I just cant deal. I just have to hope that when he realizes that ill be in too much pain to go room to room somethong will change.
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