have questions need help

whozdherwhozdher
edited July 2011 in Relationships
I would like to know if anyone know what classifieds as verbal abuse? Is there any stages of it? I'm wondering if I'm in one he doesn't call me names.but when he gets mad he talks really agresive(sp?) We were aguring and he hit the wall when i told him not too.he said hed rather hit the wall rhan hit me. I said i cant believe i make you that mad for you to even think that. He saud he would not ever hit me.but im wondering now about us. We have kids togther and ive left him before. Hes supoosed to get counsling ob the 28th of July so I just need answers please

Comments

  • Karla_with_a_KKarla_with_a_K
    Any kind of yelling or vulgar language is verbal abuse in my book
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    I agree, yelling and swearing at you, using words to shame you..all control issues. I was at a family bday party once and my sil's brother was openly calling his wife a fatass! She didn't even flinch. I was embarassed for her!
  • azmomazmom
    My hubby is same bad temper I swear everyday hes Pissy about something I just ignore him..hes done anger classes didn't work...never hit me or my son he knows I'd kill him litteraly...hes just loud has punched hole in walls twice...I say its somewhat abusive but ive become numb to it I almost don't hear it anymore Lol....maybe their related Lol is he Mexican too
  • valentinasmommyvalentinasmommy
    Yep. Yelling,bad language.
  • BensMamaBensMama
    I think if it happens frequently it is. One time of a person getting mad and yelling or swearing doesn't necessarily amount to abuse, but certainly if it's a pattern and insinuating threats is for sure.
  • podgemarinepodgemarine
    Any type of over aggression like hitting a wall could be a sign of abuse.. if u don't mind me asking what rose the anger to hit a wall over?
  • whozdherwhozdher
    @azmom lol he's Mexican and white. Yeah he's going to the VA he was a marine so Idk if that has something to do with it.I'm not making an excuse for him but he knows he has angry problems and he feels he's a ticking time bomb.

    @podgemarine we were getting ready to go out with my cousin and her boyfriend,he was compaining over his dress shirt and I said if he didn't want to go it was ok he didn't have to but not to start complaining over clothes.he said then well fuck it then you wanna go with out me ?go go you just want to meet guys and I replyed no but I don't wanna hear you complain cuz that's all you do everytime I want to go some where.

    @karla_with_a_K
    @jaimie77
  • whozdherwhozdher
    Oops @jaime77
    @excitedforbaby
    @Bensmom
    Thank you ladies for you comments
  • vette_devilvette_devil
    I would say it is; everyone yells & argues; it's what he says & the wall punching that classify it as "too far". If he makes you feel bad about yourself, that's abuse. I had an ex like that before I met my husband. He rarely rose his voice to me, but he made me feel like complete crap about myself.
    My husband on the other hand had anger issues when we were first together, but never made me feel like crap or laid a hand on me. The thing here is he STOPPED. I had enough of the immature hitting walls & bs when we argued & told him if he wanted me in his life, he needed to learn to argue like an adult. And he did. We've been together almost 8 years, married for 5 & he's more mature when we argue now than I am. He went to anger management couseling twice in highschool; neither time worked. He will only change if he WANTS to & has a reason to.
    Good luck. :)
  • whozdherwhozdher
    @vette_devil thank you.I'm glad for you your husband changed he Myst love you an awful lot. yeah he says he wants us in his life and he's willing to seek help. He doesn't make me feel bad about myself but I do feel like I have to walk on eggshells though. He doesn't like me too talk to anyone about what's going on in our life and I think he's wrong for it. Its odd though he wasn't like this when we first started dating,only this last year he's like this. He just told me he's always been angry and he just was able to control it better in the past. I hope and pray he loves us enough to change
  • vette_devilvette_devil
    I hope so, too. Good luck, hon. I hope everything works out for the best. :)
  • whozdherwhozdher
    @vette_devil Thank you
  • ChelsChels
    @whozdher I'm pretty much in the same situation as you except my man doesn't think he has anger problems....a couple months ago we got into an argument about me smoking cigarettes I told him I completely quit but I really didn't I was still trying..so he found out I lied and made me feel like shit and he punched a mailbox and broke his hand :) I didn't feel sorry for his dumbass one bit!! He talks to me horribly and it makes me cry sometimes..I really wish i knew he was like this before I stopped my birth control. Good luck :)
  • whozdherwhozdher
    @Chelsea oh wow hepunched the mailbox ? Insane,I wouldn't have felt sorry either.he should talk down to you,do you do it to him? Sometimes I do it to my man so he can see how it feels and he chills for a while.i know sometimes I think that we shouldn't have had our second cuz he started to change a month or so before and I got preggo. I think some of his anger stems from his BM and the fact that she's living off of his child support she refuses to work. He was also in the marines so Idk if that has to do with it too or is he really just an angry man for no reason.
  • whozdherwhozdher
    *shouldn't not should sorry
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