My fiancé's 5 (almost 6) year old daughter.. ugh!

So, yesterday was my baby shower. I'd been dreading the day for 7 months, but instead of avoiding it, I figured as long as my fiancé was there with me, I'd be able to bear it. Well, my in-laws (who were going to pick up his daughter & bring her to the shower) called us Thursday, and said they weren't coming because his dad is sick. Which is no big deal, at all. So, we decided to go pick up his daughter, since it had been awhile since he saw her with us moving and all. But, she aggravates me to no end! And, when she's around, my fiancé is 100% different. First off, she HAS to sleep in our bed. We have a freakin full size bed that we can barely get comfortable in. So, I told him I'd go sleep on the sofa so everyone can have room, he wouldn't let me, so I ended up sleeping on the absolute edge of the bed with my belly hanging off, and woke up with the WORST back ache ever for my shower. Then, she WILL NOT get rid of the damn binky!! It's embarassing to go somewhere with her, because she will not take it out and my fiancé will not make her. Of course when people see all of us in public, they assume she's my daughter, so I get the dirty looks. We've had her since about 8pm Friday night, and my fiancé has already spent almost $100 on toys that she played with all of 5 minutes. She didn't even want the toy, she just HAD to get something at the store. So, I had to wear a damn dress that has stains on it to my shower because I couldn't afford to go buy me a damn $10 shirt since EVERY penny we have has to go to gas (back to having no food for the 3rd damn time). HE CAN NOT TELL HER NO! She knows it, and takes advantage of it. Anyway, while I was helping my mom tie up the lose ends for the baby shower yesterday, my fiancé and his daughter were locked up in the bedroom because SHE wanted him to play the PS3 so she can watch. I wasn't really aggravated by that, but I told him that once the shower started, I really didn't want him in the room, because I REALLY needed his support. What happens? He comes out for 10 minutes, and then disappered for 4 hours while I was stuck alone with all my damn family. Then, after the shower, they leave to go to walmart, and he buys her MORE toys, and says we can use the money from the shower for gas.. uh NO that money is being saved for diapers and shit for OUR daughter. Ughh!!! How does a 33 year old man let a 6 year old make decisions that effect not only him, but myself and our unborn child. I'm sorry, but I CAN NOT wait for her to go home today!!

Comments

  • that's not cool. yea he definitely needs to wake up and realize that girl may be turning into a manipulative little monster because of the fact he gives her what she wants. i am so sorry to hear that. it makes me wonder how she will react with the new baby being around and when it's time for her to come over and visit. i wish i had some advice- but i have a feeling you have already done tried to get it through his head that he needs to change and that binki is ridiculously overdue to find a new home....in the dump.
  • Sounds like he's just tryin to put his daughter first, probly cuz he hadn't seen her in awhile he's tryin to make it up to her....idk but I think it was the wrong time to have her over.....after the shower probably woulda been better
  • def a problem. maybe you can try to talk to him but it's only going to get worse if you dont say something now. im sorry you have to go through that. :/
  • That stinks that you werent able to enjoy yohr shower. I dont want to sound rude but I did want to say that kiddos learn their behavior from the adults around them. It sounds more like dads fault for not setting limits. If she is used to getting her way, then thats all she knows. And maybe he does this out of guilt for not being able to be around all the time...but gifts wont make up for that. He has to step up and be the rule maker and enforcer. Her being 5 and still having a binky is nuts. But until he can realize that giving into her every want is actually going to be more harmful than anything, there is really not much you can do. I just hope that it doesnt cause you to dislike the little girl...because as long as you and her daddy are together she will always be a very important part of your family. Good luck with everything:)
  • Wow. Wth? That's signs of a trouble some teenager. When she gets there.I would not be sharing my baby with a 5 yr old. I couldn't be you.lol I would have made some hell about those things.
  • It sounds like he's just trying to spoil her, so she has good memories of him, but that really sucks for you. If you don't see her often, I would try and ignore it. But, you do need to have a discussion about what's going to happen once your baby comes. He can't really buy tons of stuff for his daughter if he's not doing it for the baby, cus that will cause more drama.
  • Have her tell him that Blueberry needs a Maserati.
  • I'm sorry but u need to talk to him ASAP n tell him she is using him to get her way ....!!! I have never been thru that but my sis kids do that I'm the good aunt lol so I always have both my sis kids...well I see them doing that to there dads when they come around I have to put there ass in check n tell him n them ughh no she does not deserve thaat if u bye her more then she needs ill make her share with her cousins lol..
  • @BabyMcBride8_27 I am going to have to agree with @mommyo3soon2b4. She is only 5, so I have a hard time believing this is not a learned behavior. If he does this everythime he has her, then she is going to just continue to act this way because she knows it will get her what she wants. As for the binky, I think that is just crazy! What goes on when she is not with you guys? I assume she is with her mother? If that is the case maybe the 3 of you need (at least you and you fiancee) to sit down and discuss this when the little girl is not around. You need to tell him how you feel, without being confrontational. He may not see it as a problem, but this is clearly a problem and it is only going to get worse.
  • I feel for u. It's as if for some reason they fear saying no and instead of seeing the monster they r contributing to create, they look past it with a blind eye... It's always easier to be the outsider looking in and being able to say what he's doing wrong, maybe when your daughter is here he will see it on a broader field with how she behaves... Idk what to say but I damn sure know how frustrating what your going thru is.
  • Having a new baby on the way definately worries me since he's already wanting to use money and such that's designated for Abigail on other things. But I agree with @mommyo3soon2b4 & @headersue. This is 100% learned behavior from her mom. I don't resent his daughter at all, I resent how she is being raised. I've brought it up to my fiancé mulitple times, and he does the whole temporary fix thing, and goes about his day. But, when it comes time for her teeth to be fixed because she won't get rid of the binky, we'll be paying for it, not her mom. And when she's a teenager, if he can't afford to give her what she wants, she's going to resent him, not her mom. He just can't see the error of his ways, and I'm SCARED TO DEATH that his 5 year old's behavior is going to be what breaks us.
  • does she start school this year? Cause she will have to get rid of the binky for sure then. Maybe you guys can take her big girl shopping for a back pack and fun school stuff in exchange for her binky. Make it sound like a fun big girl shopping time but for things she will NEED for school...not toys:)
  • It's not just her mom's fault, not to be mean. Her dad plays a role in how she is raised, that is why it is called co-parenting. Really, he needs to step in and set some rules, but it sounds like he operates from guilt. He has to get over that and be present as a role model, not buddy all the time.
  • I agree with lilOneontheway it doesn't matter what the mom does at her house when he's doing this with her at his house. The way she acts with him is 100% his fault. I had same problem when my husband and I were dating. I totally understood daddy guilt but put my foot down. It didn't happen overnight or after one discussion but one by one..sleeping with us, sippy cup in bed, spending $$every other weekend, no real discipline/rules/boundaries, etc..they all stopped. Part of it had to do with us agreeing we were both responsible and in charge of her because evrn though we were dating we knew we were also on our way to being a blended family. My oldest stepdaughter is now 6 but even at 3 sye understood different houses =different rules.
  • sorry that it took so long for me to respond, my phone is going nuts lately, and i think it finally went ka-put.

    @mommyo3soon2b4 She started school last year, but her mom allowed her to put the binky in her bookbag, and take it to school. My fiance' definately wants to put a stop to the binky, but there's not much we can do about anything that takes long-term work since we only have her maybe one weekend out of the month. @liloneontheway @mrs_shu I do agree with both of you. My fiance' nor his ex-wife are innocent. and, when we dropped his daughter off, on the way home, i brought it up to him about the money situation. don't get me wrong, i can't blame him for feeling bad/guilty about not being there for his daughter, but blowing all of our money isn't the way to go about making things right. i HAVE to put my foot down there, because if i don't, every penny would be gone. i think my problem is, i DON'T want to step up and have to be a part of setting rules, because i don't want to deal with my fiance's ex-wife. she'll really start a WHOLE scene over someone correcting HER daughter (she says that to my fiance' as well); It's something that needs to be worked on, but i REALLY don't want to deal with this kind of behavior while i'm pregnant, nor do i want to argue with his ex. but, once the baby's born, and i have a little more fight in me, we WILL start setting rules here. if he doesn't like it, then we're not going to work, and that'll be the end of it. i wouldn't let my child ruin his day, or act the way his child acts around me, so why should i have to go through it? i'm MORE than willing to work with him, but i REFUSE to put months and months of effort forward, and him not change. if we can get her in the different houses have different rules mindset, we'd be doing good.
  • He should have gotten a sitter or got her after. And does he pay child support. He really shouldn't be blowing his money like that on visitations.
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  • I agree with mrs_shu... I have a blended fam, where I'm the biomom, hubs is stepdad and ex is daddy who has her every weekend. My daughter's dad spoils her, let's her stay up late etc, but she KNOWS when she's with mommy there are different rules. I'm consistent and persistent with enforcing the rules... sometimes when she comes back from dad's she'll have an attitude but I lay down discipline right away and by the end of the day she's "with the program" so to speak. Your fiancee needs to be the same way. And you should absolutely not have to deal with the ex - he should make sure his ex knows any and all communication is through him. Good luck and I wish you guys the best!
  • Wow if I had to deal with that daily I would leave em..he's very inconsiderate but hey that's just me
  • @carriebear He normally pays child support, but we hit a snag, and he was unemployed for a little while, so he had to stop. He's supposed to start paying again next month since he's started this job. Once he starts, he's gonna have to realize that we can't afford $230 a month in child support PLUS whatever he sees fit to buy her whenever she comes to visit.

    @simplyraven22406 I hate to say it, but she's a spoiled brat. SHE runs the roost, and I CAN NOT stand it. She talks to people like SHE wants to, and they let her get away with it. I know if my daughter started acting like she does, I'd be putting a stop to it ASAP. I mean, seriously. A few months back we needed to go to walmart to pick up a few things we needed to move. She had been pretty good that day, so I told her once we got done getting what we needed to get, we'd go get her a new colorwonder set. That wasn't good enough. Now, I'm 20 something weeks pregnant at this time, mind you. He decides to let ME go get everything while he brought her to get her toy. I couldn't do that, I needed his help for the heavy stuff, so I just went with him. Then, she wants paints. There was NO way in hell I'm buying a 5 year old paint. She starts crying and carrying on, and he's gonna sit there and nogotiate (sp) with her for 10 damn minutes. I got pissed, pushed the basket aside, and left. F*CK THAT! Then she pulls the whole, I want to go back to my mom's b.s. Just THINKING about it gets me pissed. UGH!

    @HappyWifeyMommy How do I make my fiancee understand where I'm coming from, and that things need to change? Any suggestions?

    @Mommy2b1111 It's not a daily thing, thank God, but it's very difficult to deal with.
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