considering adoption.

edited August 2011 in Pregnant
I want to keep my baby but the more I think about things the more real they become. Im in no way financially stable to have a baby. Nor is my bd. It makes me so depressed that I can't give my child the life I want it to have. I mentioned it to my parents and they were livid with me. My parents take care of my sister and her baby. But my parents aren't so willing to help me. I have no one to talk to this about. I don't want to depend on the government. I have applied every where for a job but we all know how that goes. I don't have anything to fall back on. I want my baby to have a great life. I know that if I had the money and stability I could be a great mother. I don't want to struggle.
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Comments

  • do what YOU feel is right love!
  • HUN do what u think is best and keep the choice i am going through a hard time with money and i mean hard time...and my baby is veryy expensive and i get wic imagine if i did not..dont depend on no one! just urself give the best life to ur kid...
  • @sunshinelove I just am all alone. Its rough. I want to go to school next year..but how can I accomplish this when everyday is another obstacle. It just doesn't add up.
  • Money doesn't make you a good mom :) do what you think is right. Your baby will love you either way.
  • Sweet heart its your decision and you have to do whats right for you.. i can understand where you are coming from with the money . i got wic and medicaid for my baby .. but im only 20yrs old, a full time student and i work in retail where i only get pain 9/hr.. my bf is helping but thats pretty much it financial wise .. ive gotten a lot of gifts from people which have really helped but i cant afford daycare plus pay for rent, my phone bill, and groceries but im looking positive and looking for all the help i can get and getting a new job soon that pays more .. hang in there but like i said do whats right for YOU!! dont let anyone criticize you or bring you down >:D<
  • @nicksmommy as am I. Money is overly tight right now. I call next week about wic. Im trying but its so hard im just not getting any where
  • My biggest question is will u regret giving ur baby up for adoption in the future? Sounds like u really wanna keep ur baby. If that's the case many ppl struggle financially to raise a baby. And if everyone waited til they actually had the money to raise a baby the human race would die off, cuz nobodys truly ready. If u really want to keep ur baby u will find a way to make it work out. And finding a job will be easier after u have the baby.
  • I can tell that you want to do whats best for your child, and that makes you a good mother. A lot of people raise kids wonderfully w/o much of an income, it can be done if you do whatever it takes.

    If you choose adoption, youre still a mother. You make the decision so that your child could have everything you need, and that makes you a GOOD mother.

    Neither decision is easy. Both will lead to heartbreak, whether sooner or later. And either way, you will have to live with the decision you make.

    But neither decision is wrong, dont let anybody hurt you for doing what you have to do.
  • Money isn't everythin. A child needs love first an then they need their necessities. There is nothin wrong wit usin government assistance. That's wat u pay taxes for. An jus cuz u use it dont mean u gotta stay on it. I have a job an I still need assistance. My aunt was single an used it to get thro college an take care if my cuzin. She got her degree an she has never been back on. Dont b ashamed. Everyone acts like adoption is the best thing. It is a great thing but there r consequences to adoption too. It's not always smooth sailin like ppl act like it is. I understand completely where ur comin from cuz I thought of givin up my baby. But then I was like no. He's already been rejected by his dad I refuse to do the same thing. I will work my ass of to give him everythin this world has to offer. I will love him more than anythin. I will b his rock. I will do my best to make sure he won't feel the pain of not havin his dad. An already I've been blessed. I've been able to do things like 3d's, a baby shower, a scrapbook that he can look back on, things that ppl wit better jobs than me haven't been able to do. Keep ur baby. If the main reason is cuz of finances I think u will regret givin up ur baby.
  • @mattandmallory27 @Oregonmama im not meaning as being rich..but im literally flat broke. I don't want a child brought into poverty. I know money doesn't make anyone a great mom or person but what am I supposed to do when I have nothing... im not meaning this in a rude way. Im just struggling with my emoions.

    @ahendricks09 im only 20 too. I've applied at so many places I've lost count. Im not showing or anything and I have experience it just takes forever to get a call back. I won't get very many gifts. My parent would get the crib and id get a couple things from friends but not much.I got stuck with a $4000 dollar debt right out of high school and still haven't paid it off cuz I just have other things I needed. Like a car. Which is broke!!!! Its frustrating when you have nothing but negatives. I try and be positive and I do good somedays but it creeps back up. My bd is of no help.
  • I think you're the one who knows what to do. Adoption is not an easy decision but it is also a great decision. Thinking about what is best for your baby is the responsible thing to do. Not only are you thinking financially (babies do require a lot) but you're also thinking about your future too with school and your support system. Have you considered an open adoption? I know all of this is probably overwhelming but just consider all your options and weigh the pros and cons of both decisions.
  • @kara_lamek understandable its very hard trying to find out here my friend is going to help me get a job where she works after i drop this baby.. ive gotten gifts from my babyshower, hammy downs from friends i knw with kids, and then some clothes and bouncy seat i found on freecycle.org ( you should go on the website its all free ppl give away clothes furniture etc) .... and i always have a 5,500 debt from a loan i used my freshman yr in college.. and i havent had a car in two years still trying to get one but cant afford one plus i havent worked since may 30th so ive been on bedrest so im really broke right now.... so trust me i can some what understand where you are coming from.. it can be very hard and i knw i was depressed for a good amount of my pregnancy because i felt like i wouldnt be able to handle taking care of this baby but i told myself that i would try my hardest, look for help, and take one day at a time... . do whats right for you chica and im here if you ever need to talk or if you just need someone to listen :)
  • I agree - adoptive families can lose jobs and income too. . .
  • @kingsmama @jsmyonlylove I can't honestly answer if I would regret it or not. I've never been in this situation before. I don't think I would because id be giving my baby a chance to have more in life. Not meaning physical items. I know love comes first. I already love my baby that's why im considering adoption because I care. Not because I don't want to accept my responsibilities. Nothing is perfect I know adoptions have their bumps too. Everyones situation is different.


    I dont want a pity party nor am I looking for an "easy way out". I just want advice so I don't feel alone.


    @captainmorgaine I just want the best for my baby. Who knows by the time I give birth things might be great! But as of right now im just keeping an open mind. Thank you for being kind with your words. I know this is a touchy subject but this is also about my life. I do want to keep my baby and love it with everything I am. But if the situation doesn't change ill give someone else that chance as well because not everyone can have a baby. Id still love my baby forever.
  • Adoption is a great altenative but make sure it is really what u.want u might struggle at first but who knows the next few years could b more beneficial and government help could b temporary a stepping tool to u becoming stable
  • @Kcike812 I would prefer an open adoption just so I could still have that piece of mind that things are ok. I was gonna go to school this spring but things changed with this pregnancy. I plan on thinking long and hard about all of this. Im not the type to jump to conclusions.

    @ahendricks09 I plan on doing all I can to see if I can get things in order. Im not gonna give up. Hopefully I can turn the situation around before feb. Im gonna do like you do and take everything day by day. Im really down in the dumps but im trying to be productive and get things together. Thank you that means a lot!

    @bettymomma I know it would be difficult. Either way would be hard. But the economy is a joke... ughh. Im not gonna give up on myself or this baby. Adoption is my last resort if things are where they need to be in my life. Thank you so much for supporting me either way.
  • @Oregonmama im not gonna give up easily by no means. Its a last resort option. I lost my 1st the beginning of this year so this baby means the world to me. Im just keeping an open mind to it is all. I hope things get easier for you too!

    @preggointx either decision would be difficult. Life isn't easy lol but I hope things are stable enough before I give birth so I can keep my baby. Im gonna try my hardest!
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  • @ahendricks09 your welcome love im sure you can do it.. and at least you still have until feb . my due date is in 32days ..
  • @2beforgotten I know it won't be an easy road either way but im going to try my hardest to keep my baby. Either choice I make is for my baby to have a great life. Its not about me.
  • @ahendricks09 I just want to be open minded about everything. I think I might have enough time till then to get things together! Id be freaking out if I were you. Best of luck for real!!!
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  • @bettymomma I think about them all the time! That's what im meaning by a better life. They are awesome id be lucky if chose adoption and they were who got my baby ya know. I don't want to seem as though im just giving my baby up because I can't buy it happiness and love.. those can't be bought. Money isn't everything but it is a factor that has to be considered. I know some people are shaking their heads at me for posting this but I know how my life is..unless someone knows me personally how can anyone judge me? Even then they would understand. Im never gonna give up. Thank you though honestly... I got a post on here that really offended me.. I just want things to be ok
  • @kara_lamek thats very good you have to be open minded and pos. .... and lol thanks
  • well like the other moms have said adoption can be a wonderful thing, but isn't for everyone. you could wait it out. maybe start talking to some adoption agencies and get the low down on what happens in their processes as well as if they are a right fit for you, then consider the adoption with more information on your plate. i know it's not glamorous but even if you are open to some assistance then apply for the food card, medicaid, wic, etc. keep an open mind, like you said, and remember you have options. do a pros and cons list.
    you can make a goals list for yourself. where do you want to be in 1 yr, 5 yrs.? what do you need to do to get there? what MUST HAVE items do you need before baby gets here?
    also remember that you can always try parenting for a certain period of time and if you are in over your head you can choose adoption. but in adoption and once it's final- you can't go backwards.
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