I can't even believe they let her in to visit. Kaylee was in a NICU when she was born and the only visitors that she could have were parents and grandparents...oh yeah and siblings from 3:30-5 pm. Give the nurses the names of the only people that u will allow to let visit so you won't have to worry about that again.
@tootie08 the hosp that Zav is at, they don't care who visits as long as one parent accompanies them during the visit and it has to be from 8-5. That's why they let her in. But I would do that, but that'll make things too difficult.
I personally see no reason for someone to even be cool with an ex let alone be best friends. My fiance talks to his ex every now & then but thats only because they have a son together & just want to be civil... Have they always been so close? It seems like you were kinda shocked by that, thats why I was jw?
I agree with @mszcastillo on the being surprised part. If you were shocked by the fact of everything with your hubby and his ex there's something wrong there. Because it shows that he hasn't been completely honest and open with you.
@mszcastillo I don't see a reason for it either unless they plan to have a future later in life. And I could see why your fiance still talks to his ex, that would be a legit reason for my hubby to still talk to his as well. But they have no kids together.. she has a kid to another man that she conceived while she was still with him. And no they haven't always been close. I hear about her every once in a blue moon when she decides to check up on him and whatnot. They never hang out or anything and she won't meet me. He says that she claims to be scared.
Be honest and tell him how that makes you feel and theres no get use to it im sure he wont want any of your ex to still be friends with you. He has to respect your point of view .
I don't think that was right of him or her. Both of them should know their boundaries & the "bff" should think about putting herself in your shoes to see how she would like it if she had a baby & her husband's "ex" came to visit their child. Um NO! That's plain disrespectful in both of them. & as for your husband he should respect you enough to tell you before this even happened. How would he like it if the tables were turned? IMO ex's can't be just friends (once again IN MY OPINION) because there was "something" there that's why they started dating. & STILL hanging on. Sorry but that's just shady.
i would feel kinda uneasy about them but thats just me. & why is he saying thats something you need to get used to if the girl won't even meet you? does he plan on hanging out with her by himself?
@xfirsttimemomx its not that I'm shocked about them talking or anything. But I was kinda taken back by the "bestfriend" part and the fact that he would let her see our son without my consent.
@qabbytkm yeah I'm def gonna have that talk with him tonight. I've touched upon it before but its obvious that talk did nothing at all.
@hismom20 yes I think it was very disrespectful also. I didn't even take into account how disrespectful it was for her to go see my son and not even wanna meet me when she has been asked to on multiple occasions. & about the exes not being able to be just friends, I try not to think about it that way because I would really hate for some feelings to be involved in this whole friendship thing. Ughh it irks me to even think about it.
@mszcastillo he's never said anything about hanging out with her at all, let alone by himself. & yes it really pissed me off too and he could tell I was pissed because he started talking in the nicest tone possible. And afterwards he just kept assuring me that everything was okay and that there was nothing wrong with it. & idk why he thinks I need to get used to her...smh
What I don't understand about your husband and all men for that matter is how quick they say oh don't worry about it or your overreacting when they are the ones that make you act like that by one not being honest about the friendship ( you had to fine out thru his phone) and two him telling you she came to visit your son while you guys are walking into the nicu. That's crap, why didn't he tell you when he invited her. I don't understand how he can expect you to be okay with any kind of relationship when he has withold information from you on more than one occasion. And they went from talking every few weeks to being best friends. I can see why your upset I would have a huge problem with this and not bc she is a female or an ex but bc of your husbands actions....he needs to understand his role he plays in this and why you have negative feelings. Good luck honey.
That would not fly with me. My bf tried to pull that exact same shit with me and I told him I didnt care. It was her or me. Your ex sure as hell will NOT be checking in on you every week. You WONT be up all hours of the night texting her. And No fucking way she is to Still call you babe or ask you for massages when she is sick. She even went so far as to make new accounts online so she could talk to him after we blocked her off all his email and facebook. Ex's are always familiar and comfortable. Its a rule in our home that we dont speak to our ex's or ever see them. Keeps the fights down around here though we still find issues somehow
i think if that woman "gen" or whatever can go to the hopsital and meet ur baby she should atleast make the effort to meet you i dunno how you can stay calm about this i wouldve told him then and there! But good for you bc i know that wouldve made the situation worse but I really think that is very disrespectful on both his and her behalf. I would have a talk with him and let him know that although that is both of your guys' son that there are some boundaries and there are some things that he should be telling you right away or play the cars "if you were me" what would u think/feel Im sure he wouldnt appreciate it if you had doe that to him!
Wow! Well personally I'm the type of person that always like well what if I did that to you! So, question is...how would he like it if it were the other way around. One of your "bestfriends" who happens to be an ex boyfriend, came to visit behind his back? Seems like he only told you because he didnt want you to find out from the nurses. Id be furious. & you should contact her and see what's up with her not wanting to meet you, you never know what he might be telling her. You're a strong mama, put your foot down and demand answers<3
My fiance is still bff's with one of his ex's and I'm still good friends with most of mine. It all depends on if u r afraid she would try to get back with him. I have no fear of that in my situation and neither does he, because we both know that they r ex's for various reasons, and that if there was something there, that's who we woulda been with the whole time, but we aren't, we r with eachother.... And our giant hoard of children, Lmao!! And we couldn't be happier. We even have some of our ex's invited to our wedding.
At least he told u that she stopped by instead of making something up or just not saying anything at all.
Uhmmmm what? Ok I don't think there's any reason for her to have come to the NICU! If it were me I'd be livid. Luckily our Nicu only lets parents and grandparents in....
I would sit down with him and talk about how you feel! Tell him calmly that you think that was extremely inappropriate and that regardless of who she is to him right now he should have asked you beforehand if it was ok to visit your baby in the NICU.
Like to me that's just WEIRD and I wouldn't let it happen. And why do they need to be friends? Like are you friends with any of your exs? It doesn't weird you out? Because it sure as hell would weird me out knowing that a chick that used to/has slept with my man is still friends with him and seeing my baby when he really only needs mom/dad/grandmas/grandpas anyway. I wont even let my cousins come see me in labor/in the hospital! Let alone if my boy has to go to nicu
@ashlla honey yes! Men always think that they can just do stuff and we're supposed to be A okay with it all, even when it's not the right thing. Like I feel the same way you do about the situation but I just don't wanna come off to him that way when we have our talk about the whole thing tonight. Like I wanna express to him how upset it makes me, but I don't want him to start hiding things that he does from now on, based on how I reacted. & yeah something fishy is definitely going on because it really was an overnight "bestfriend" title that she got. It'll all probably hit the fan when we have our discussion or a few days/weeks down the road. & thank you hun!
@beardreams wow, that's crazy. I had an old boyfriend who had an ex like that. They're freakin' creepy in that way. & yeah we have that rule to but it's like he tried to make an excuse for this 1 ex girlfriend. That's another reason why I find the whole situation a little strange.
@mamato2boys Yeah definitely. I mean, we're first time parents and maybe he's a little new to the whole "letting you know things" when it comes to Zavion. But we'll cover it all tonight when we have our discussion. This will be the first and the last time he has her come anywhere near my son without my consent first of all, and without even meeting me first.
@miraclem2b: you hit the nail right on the head! & yeah I think I will reach out to her and try to get some answers out of her. Because someone earlier said the same thing (about him maybe telling her something different then what he's telling me) All I have to go off of though is like facebook because I don't know this girl from a can of paint and I've never even seen her in person.
@charlotteb: Have you ever met his exes or visa versa though? & i'm not afraid that he would try to get back with her, but i'm afraid that she would try and get back with him because in the past she has tried while we were together and that's when he stopped talking to her for a long time. Now all of a sudden their bestfriends again and talking every once in awhile. Not that I don't trust my man, but I don't trust his ex.
Maybe you can't tell him who to be friends with but it is your child so you can choose who he has contact with so your man should not bring her around your child without your permission or you being around...just my opinion
@ashes I really wish the nicu that Zav is in was like that, they don't care who comes in at all. As long as 1 parent accompanies them, they have no problems which is dumb. & I asked him why they're bestfriends and his response was "well, while we were together she never did anything to me that made me not wanna be her friend or made me feel some type of way towards her. She's really nice and we started out as friends anyway so when we broke up, we just kept talking but as friends again." & no I don't speak to any of my boyfriends from the past anymore. When I did have exes of the past, when we first started dating, he told me that he didn't like that because he knows how guys can get. So I stopped being friends with them all (no texting them, no phone calls, no facebooking, NOTHING) It definitely weirds me out that they feel the need to still keep in contact so much and especially the fact that my husband felt the need to invite her to visit my son.
@ARand89 yeah definitely! & even though I can't tell him who to be friends with, I think that an ex as a friend kinda crosses the line a little. Especially because they still text and she calls from time to time. I just don't feel comfortable with it. & yeah, she definitely shouldn't be anywhere near my son without me knowing about it or without me getting to meet her first.
***update*** @everyone so he comes home from work with a dozen roses and a note that gives a reason for every one. Ughhh, sounds like he's trying to "nice guy" his way out of it right? hmmm, I don't wanna ruin a good day....lol oh geez
Oh....so he was with her while she saw the baby? I think right is on your side so no need to yell or scream. I know a lot easier said than done. The more you text some of his comments the more fishy it becomes.....she's this great person that never did anything to you but yet you guys broke up....she is an ex for a reason. And if they want to be friends fine....but the sneaking behind my back talking to her, having her come see our back is a no no! Good luck honey and try to stay calm.
@ashlla yes, he went in the evening that day because I went to see our son earlier in the day and was doing my online schooling at the time. He said when he went to the hosp that day that she texted him and said that her dad had just seen him. So that's how they realized they were at the same place, and he was like come to the 8th floor so you can see my son. & I know right! It does get fishier and fishier and they broke up because she went to puerto rico for vacation and got prego by some guy while she was there, while they were still dating. So throughout the pregnancy my husband and her stayed together to try and work things out but after the baby was born she told him that she fell more in more in love with the father of the baby everyday because her baby looked just like him. So my hubby ended it because he said it just wasn't the same anymore. That story in itself makes me wonder why he would even wanna talk to the chick anymore after doing something like that. & thank you so much sweetie!
I'm sorry but eff that! What does she need to see YOUR baby for? What does that do for her? And the way they broke up sounds like he got hurt and a lot of guys hold on to girls that leave them. (And vice versa. You want what you cant have.) So I get why he still holds onto her. The fact that he has mostly girl friends is weird to me as well. I'm not bagging on him and I'm sure he's just a more "in touch with his feminine side" kind of guy but I don't understand why he has to get his "girl time" from any other girl but you. I'm sorry to go on and be negative, and I'm not a bitter jealous person. I've never been cheated on and I believe in the best in everyone. But my advice to you would be not to raise hell or get crazy on him, but look at yourself and ask him what you're not giving him that he feels he has to go somewhere else for it. He needs to know that it hurts to have this double standard. And it's definitely not fair to you. Hope things work out for you guys.
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@tootie08 the hosp that Zav is at, they don't care who visits as long as one parent accompanies them during the visit and it has to be from 8-5. That's why they let her in. But I would do that, but that'll make things too difficult.
@hismom20 yes I think it was very disrespectful also. I didn't even take into account how disrespectful it was for her to go see my son and not even wanna meet me when she has been asked to on multiple occasions. & about the exes not being able to be just friends, I try not to think about it that way because I would really hate for some feelings to be involved in this whole friendship thing. Ughh it irks me to even think about it.
@mszcastillo he's never said anything about hanging out with her at all, let alone by himself. & yes it really pissed me off too and he could tell I was pissed because he started talking in the nicest tone possible. And afterwards he just kept assuring me that everything was okay and that there was nothing wrong with it. & idk why he thinks I need to get used to her...smh
At least he told u that she stopped by instead of making something up or just not saying anything at all.
I would sit down with him and talk about how you feel! Tell him calmly that you think that was extremely inappropriate and that regardless of who she is to him right now he should have asked you beforehand if it was ok to visit your baby in the NICU.
Like to me that's just WEIRD and I wouldn't let it happen. And why do they need to be friends? Like are you friends with any of your exs? It doesn't weird you out? Because it sure as hell would weird me out knowing that a chick that used to/has slept with my man is still friends with him and seeing my baby when he really only needs mom/dad/grandmas/grandpas anyway.
I wont even let my cousins come see me in labor/in the hospital! Let alone if my boy has to go to nicu
@beardreams wow, that's crazy. I had an old boyfriend who had an ex like that. They're freakin' creepy in that way. & yeah we have that rule to but it's like he tried to make an excuse for this 1 ex girlfriend. That's another reason why I find the whole situation a little strange.
@darknesofnight4u 2 steps ahead of ya girl !
@mamato2boys Yeah definitely. I mean, we're first time parents and maybe he's a little new to the whole "letting you know things" when it comes to Zavion. But we'll cover it all tonight when we have our discussion. This will be the first and the last time he has her come anywhere near my son without my consent first of all, and without even meeting me first.
@starrxoxo9 agreed!
@miraclem2b: you hit the nail right on the head! & yeah I think I will reach out to her and try to get some answers out of her. Because someone earlier said the same thing (about him maybe telling her something different then what he's telling me) All I have to go off of though is like facebook because I don't know this girl from a can of paint and I've never even seen her in person.
@charlotteb: Have you ever met his exes or visa versa though? & i'm not afraid that he would try to get back with her, but i'm afraid that she would try and get back with him because in the past she has tried while we were together and that's when he stopped talking to her for a long time. Now all of a sudden their bestfriends again and talking every once in awhile. Not that I don't trust my man, but I don't trust his ex.
@everyone
so he comes home from work with a dozen roses and a note that gives a reason for every one. Ughhh, sounds like he's trying to "nice guy" his way out of it right? hmmm, I don't wanna ruin a good day....lol oh geez