In need of help and some sound advice please dont judge

black_butterflyblack_butterfly
edited March 2011 in Pregnant
Im a 26 yr old and have been in a relationship with my childrens father for 11yrs since I was 15yrsold. Back in july I cheated on my SO for a month. Ive never done anything like this before and my SO is a great dad, provider, and everything just something I was going through, always with the kids, werent going out any more things if that mattter. He found out about it and like a dumb ass I still talked to the other guy I know stupid... now Im pregnant with our third child and havent seen or spoken to the other guy in months but my SO wont let it go, we have spoken to our pastor and it went well for the most part. I have even went as far as saying lets close that chapter and start over with being friends since lets face it things have changed when we first started dating I was a teenager. I dont have any friends and my famlies relationships are worse than mine, just looking for a little advice please dont comment if ur going to be negative thanks ladies

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    Can't change the past, dear. All you guys could do is move forward. I wish you the best.

    But what does SO mean?
  • KalikoJenieKalikoJenie
    edited April 2011
    Reading your post actually made me cried
  • cheryl74cheryl74
    Ah hunny, very hard for you atm. I think your doing all you can. You have to rebuild that trust and I know it can be hard (my hubby had an affair 5 years ago) it took time but we are stronger and closer more so now than ever before. Whilst I don't condonevwhat happened it did make us take a real hard look at our marriage. We became friends again first and took it slowly. I can honestly say I'll never forget what he did but I have forgiven it. I needed to so as we could move forwards. It's a hard thing to get over but if the love us there have faith x x x
  • KalikoJenieKalikoJenie
    SO is significant other or so I was told
  • black_butterflyblack_butterfly
    Significant other lol thanks thats what I keep telling myself
  • mum2b0811mum2b0811
    ive been with my hubby for 12 yrs since i was 13 i love him more then anything in this world it will take time but u just need to b patient and gain his trust back it may take along time but im sure when baby arrives u will b fine xxx hugs for u hun xxx
  • black_butterflyblack_butterfly
    @kalikoJenie I will its just so hard and he thinks its something he did when I just started to doubt myself and the relationship, and we all know how easy it is sometimes to tell to talk to someone and they agree with everything just gives you all these false feelings like a great escape but you dont realize that your only making things worse
  • black_butterflyblack_butterfly
    @mum2b0811 thank you Ive just been in deep prayer
  • black_butterflyblack_butterfly
    Thank u to all u ladies I so love this app so glad I found it
  • mum2b0811mum2b0811
    @black_butterfly u will b in my prayer 2nite darling xxx i hope everything works out for you xxxx
  • KalikoJenieKalikoJenie
    edited April 2011
    @black_butterfly exactly. I wish you the best. *hugs*
  • black_butterflyblack_butterfly
    Thank u very much
  • vette_devilvette_devil
    I agree... the best you can do is take it one day at a time, and be an open book with him; if he wasn't there for you & you felt alone, he should know. But you also need to be über patient with him... that's a hurt that will take years to heal at best. He's an awesome guy to stick around & keep trying. Stay at a snail's pace & keep in mind how you would feel if your roles were switched & defintely don't try to rush anything. Unfortunatley, you don't deserve his trust until you earn it back. Good luck, I hope you all work it out. :)
  • debsdebs
    I'm sorry to hear about how things are going and some times the best thing is to walk away I know its harder when pregnant but if your not happy and is effecting your kids vest thing is to step back take care of your self and children. You don't know what the future holds. You and your bf might work things out in the long run
  • black_butterflyblack_butterfly
    @vette devil your right I dont deserve his trust and Im not expecting anything over night, and I would be just as hurt if the roles were reversed, but all you ladies are right all I can do is take it one day at a time
  • ElleMarieElleMarie
    @KalikoJenie and @black_butterfly I am in a similar situation. My best friend/love of my life and I broke up and when he asked me back I was dating someone else and I turned him down. Although I didn't date new guy very long, I still got pregnant. I recognize my terrible error and want nothing more than to be with my soulmate and true sweetheart but now he is having a really difficult time accepting me because of this pregnancy. It is breaking my heart and even though I didn't cheat on him I still feel like I did and so does he. I am praying that his heart will soften towards my baby and me and I will pray for you two also. God bless and good luck!
  • brillbrill
    I'm in a similar situation to. I was with my ex for 14 years. We have a 12 year old daughter. Three years ago he got locked up. He was given a ten year sentence. I did every thing I culd sending him money, writing, visiting n driving hours to go see him. Well I found out he'd cheated on me multiple times n wit one of my friends. For our daughters sake I still stuck by his side. I ended up meeting a great guy n left him two months before his release he was paroled after two n a half years. Well the day he was released I went to see him n one thing led to another n we slept together. Well to make a long story short I'm pregnant n don't know who's the father. The great guy I'm with knows everything n decided he wanted to marry me so we did. He's so good I feel lk I dnt deserve him. Thing is whether its his or not he wants to be the dad n don't want my ex to have nothing to do with the baby if its his. I feel lk that's the best thing to do but I don't know if its right. I feel just lk you I don't want to be judged and I feel so confused. All we can do is try to stay stress free and concentrate on our babies n pray everything works out. Keep your head up.
  • KalikoJenieKalikoJenie
    @brill well its good that they one guy wants to be the dad no matterr what. Maybe that is what is right for you in the long run for you and the baby. As long as the baby is loved it shouldn't matter who the daddy is.

    @ElleMarie I pray that things work out for you.

    Isn't is amazing how sometimes you don't realize what ypu have til its almost or completely too late. In the end though, everything should work out the way it will. Hopefully for the better
  • jay_bradjay_brad
    edited March 2011
    You cannot change your past and as much as I know you are going to hate to hear this.. if he isn't willing to let it go then your relationship will never work... I've been in a similar situation.. right now you just need to be focused on showing him your his one &only no matter what it takes.. honey it may take time but if he keeps bringing up the past you'll never be happy :( tell him you're sorry for your past &explain yourself let him know it was a huge mistake and that's something you will have to live with for the rest of your life but you can't live without him! Make sure h knows you're sorry that's all you can do.. best wishes! :X
  • brillbrill
    Thanks n your absolutely right as long as she's loved is all that matters
  • ElleMarieElleMarie
    @KalikoJenie I just heard from him (the man I want to be with so much) and despite leading me on for 2 months, he wants nothing to do with me. He made it crystal clear and was very cold about it. I couldn't believe it. I actually shut down my biz to move to another state to be with him. He doesn't even care. I can't believe how cold he was about it. I begged him for forgiveness and he took all my sins and threw them back in my face. Made me feel like a disease or something. I guess he's not the person he used to be. I am devastated. I hope and pray you and the other ladies have better luck!
  • ElleMarieElleMarie
    edited March 2011
    @brill you are so lucky to have a man like that who loves you and the child nomatter what. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but if I were in your shoes I would seriously think about which man is going to be the more loving, stable parent and I would go with that. If it were me I wouldn't tell my ex I was pregnant. I would just assume the child was my husbands and proceed like that. I'm certainly not saying that is the best decision but I know I seriously regret telling the biological father I was pregnant.... lots of drama since... Whatever you choose as long as you think of what's best for the little one and yourself and your husband will be the best decision. God bless!
  • KalikoJenieKalikoJenie
    @ElleMarie I am so sorry to hear that. My heart truly goes out to you. Ihope that things get better for you. <3
  • brillbrill
    Thank ellemarie that was the plan but we have a 12 year old daughter n she told him n I dnt blame her cuz she's a kid n going thru her own things n I've always told her not to lie. I'm just going to tell him I'm to far along for her to be his n hope for the best. Thanx n good luck to u n god bless u to.
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