WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? HELP :'(

NewMomInSeptNewMomInSept
edited October 2011 in Depression
I don't know if I'm having ppd or ppocd... I posted a discussion earlier this month asking about baby blues and @kingsmama was extremely helpful in defining different kinds of depression. And then I felt better. But as of late I have been having a really tough time. My husband works five nights a week 4p to either 1a, 2a or 3a depending in the day. My in laws have been on the road since Sophia was born (5 weeks tomorrow) and my dig Isabella had 5 puppies the day before Sophia was born. We are trying to wean the puppies right now so they are a handful. I'm trying to pump regularly and taking regal to help with my lack if milk production... Unsuccessfully I might add. I am alone a lot of the time, just me, Sophia and the dogs/puppies... I feel so inadequate bcuz I'm not producing milk like I thought/think a mother should be. I've been taking the medication for a week with no change. Every once in a while I have these images of hurting Sophia. I'm scared. I don't want to hurt her and I'm 99% sure I won't. But the images/ideas scare me... A lot. I cry all the time... Not all the time, but it feels like a lot. After I pump, sometimes just holding Sophia, feeding her, when I try to sleep... I have my 6 week pp OB appointment on Tuesday...Sophia is 5 weeks old tomorrow... Is this baby blues? Pp? Ppocd? A combo of all of them??

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

Comments

  • ashleyzashleyz
    Do you think you should wait until Tuesday? Try and get in sooner, you should see a doctor.
    I cried a lot after my daughter was born, I worked through it. But I never had thoughts of harming her. Even if you are 99% sure you won't hurt her, don't risk that 1%. I know you love your baby girl, get some help and get back to being the best mom you can for her!
  • ProudmommaProudmomma
    Ask your Dr. I felt the same way but I didn't feel I could love this baby like my first but I talked to my bd about it and prayed and it all went away. Now cause of the images the Dr will put you on meds which will help a lot. The breast milk thing... I was on reglan too and it did nothing. I went straight formula and my baby is in the 98% and when she just got her first sickness at 5 mo and it didn't last long.. so if you have to do formula it's okay it won't hurt your baby I promise. After pregnancy your hormones go crazy and it's normal to feel down. Just tell your Dr just encase it's ppd
  • blessedbe_x3blessedbe_x3
    I have a feeling it'd ppd. Its completely normal to cry n feel overwhelmed, but what you just described doesn't sound normal to me. Could you call your drs office n talk to his /her nurse.. tell her everything n see if they can get you in today or tomorrow. An not wait til Tuesday.
  • NewMomInSeptNewMomInSept
    @ashleyz there isn't time to go in before Tuesday. My OB is booked, I had a complicated pregnancy and I dont like the other OB they can fit me in with. I saw her when I had a seroma problem with my c-section incision. She's not very warm/welcoming and I just don't feel comfortable with her... My OB isn't in until Tuesday either... Im going to my moms tonight and probably sat. And my SIL is coming over Friday.
    @proudmama I spoke to my husband about possibly giving up on breast feeding/pumping. He made me feel really bad about even thinking that. We had previously discussed breastfeeding/pumping until Sophia is 6months for her health benefits from it. I cried when I time him how inadequate I sky and he said pump more. Then I told him how there isn't time when he's gone to work. I can maybe get one time in. But with the dogs/puppies and Sophia being awake and wanting to be held all the time its hard. He said to let her cry. I can't. It makes me feel even more anxious and like a terrible mother... We are feeding her both breastmilk and formula. More formula than milk... Idk if he will go for formula...
  • NewMomInSeptNewMomInSept
    @blessedbe_x3 I just told.my husband and he grabbed our pod pamphlet ... We are discussig things.
  • blessedbe_x3blessedbe_x3
    Well I understand the benefits of breast milk.. but I can relate to you. I felt so overwhelmed bringing our 3rd baby home. I was bfing n pumping and she was starving. My hubby seems a lil like yours and was furious when I brought up formula feeding. Since I bf both our boys until they were a year old without a problem. But I just wasn't producing. So I switched her to formula. And she's a happy baby, I'm happy mommy. Sometimes its OK to be selfish. Still pump but also give her some formula. Its OK. It may help you relax a little bit. Were here for ya!
  • tinka1326tinka1326
    My partner is the opposite, I dont think he wants me to bf, he is worried it will make other people uncomfortable. I understand your hubby wants whats best for your daughter, but the stress caused by you trying to feed and feeling so terrible about it is way worse for your daughter than formula feeding. I have always had the theory that a happy mum makes a good mum so if something as harmless as formula makes things a bit easier right now dont feel bad because its going to give you more time to be a happier mum for your daughter.
  • NewMomInSeptNewMomInSept
    @blessedbe_x3 We called my OB's office and they prescribed Zoloft for me to start taking. I'm just tired now... I just want to sleep. I just feel so guilty about feeling like this. And breastfeeding?? I just feel even worse like I wasn't supposed to be a mom or something. I haven't brought that part up to n husband yet... I'm so afraid to bcuz of his reaction two days ago... Idk...

    How long did it take for u to feel normal??/better?
  • NewMomInSeptNewMomInSept
    @Tika1326 That is a good point to explain to him... When I get the.courage up to say something, I will say that... Thank u.
  • blessedbe_x3blessedbe_x3
    My daughter is 7 wks and I would say about 1-1 1/2 wks ago. And your a great mom... otherwise you wouldn't be so worried! Don't take this the wrong way, but not everyone is made to bf. Did you have doubts about bf.before baby came? That could have some to do with bfing. Just know your not alone.
  • Jess510Jess510
    @newmominsept what dosage did they give you and how long did they say it would take to kick in? I just got back on zoloft for my anxiety I take 50mg a day
  • KingsmamaKingsmama
    I think its ppocd cuz ur having feelings of harming ur baby like I did. Bring it up to ur Dr in detail! I told my Dr honestly the feelings I was having even the ones about hurting my son. And she didn't bat an eye at what I said. It's very normal to have those feelings and at least u know not to act on them. My Dr was happy that I wasn't in denial about it and I knew I was very depressed. She wrote me a script on the spot :) as for it to take effect will prolly be around 2 weeks to a month for most ppl. So take it everyday for awhile to let it build up in ur system. Mine started working in about 4 days and it may have been a placebo effect but hey it worked for me. I haven't thought of hurting my son since even tho I still get frustrated sometimes when idk what he wants and he's screaming bloody murder at me but that's normal too. I just walk out of the room and give myself 5 mins of quiet and take deep breaths and say its only a phase then I go back. Babies feed off of negative energy and my son can tell when I'm sad or upset or frustrated and he gets worse. So try to be happy as much as u can and if ur not just step back for a few mins its ok hun! As for bf I was doing the same as u formula and boob and tbh it was making my depression MUCH worse. I talked to my OB my primary care Dr and my sons pediatrician and they ALL told me to give up bf and do all formula. It wasn't worth the stress and depression it was making me have. I fed my son mostly breast milk for the 1st 6 weeks which is plenty of time for him to get the immunities he needed most. Now he's on just formula and we are both much happier ppl :) and he's super healthy! I'm now able to take the meds I really need to control my ppocd and anxiety which r prozac and klonopin both which r harmful to babies in breast milk. Most anti depressants don't work for me but prozac does so I got on it again and I feel great! I miss that emotional bonding with my son but its totally worth it seeing him and I both happy and not miserable. I say give up the bf ur baby will still thrive and u have already given the most beneficial bits to baby :) lemme know if u need to talk hun I'm here for u and it seems r situations r very similar, including the man who isn't a ton of help so I feel I'm raising my son all alone and it sucks. But I'm here to talk if u want. U can inbox me of u like or even add me on fb and we can talk there as well. Kristen04@Comcast.net is my fb page. I love u hun and ur doing great! Don't get discouraged cuz times will be hard just an fyi babies fussiness peaks around 6 weeks and is generally tapered off by 3 months. It will all be worth it in the end tho I promise!
  • Jess510Jess510
    @kingsmama I'm gonna add you on fb
  • Jess510Jess510
    @kingsmama my phone is acting up my name is jessica ike add me
  • Mrs4cMrs4c
    I'm having harmful thoughts too. Thank you for being brave enough to ask. I'm going to see my ob asap now because you shared. Praying the best for you!:)
  • Jess510Jess510
    @mrs4c I'm scarred I might be too... Not sure if its just my anxiety let me know if you wanna talk
  • kenzie0713kenzie0713
    I feel like I'm going crazy, like out of my mind. I've had a couple panic attacks and now I feel that I'm just living in a fog. Dr wrote me for Celexa but I can't take ssri's so I'm fighting this on my own. I hope I go back to normal eventually bc right now I feel like I'm looking at a stranger in the mirror :-(
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