Depressed (vent)
So I'm someone who has no desire to ever now what I'm caring. I've always wanted it to be a surprise but ever since I got pregnant with my daughter (now almost 7months old) I've got hell from everyone else. Its gotten so bad that at one point I was thinking of divorce just to be rid of some ppl and their bs. Now i'm pregnant with twins and the same rule applies for them as it did for my daughter, I don't want to know. But ever since ppl started suspecting that I or someone else could be pregnant all I've been hearing is more bitching and moaning about not being denied the knowledge of the sex of my babies. I am currently staying at my moms house to get away from that needless drama and about a month ago I let ppl find out what i'm having. BIG MISTAKE, one of my husband's cousins told me today that I'm having two boys. I've wanted a boy my whole life, even got a lil depressed once my daughter was born and I found out she was a girl but now....i get even be excited. I thought I would be furious if someone let it slip. My mom has been dropping hints almost everyday for a month but I've been doing my best to ignore her. But now I know and I'm so sad.
All I feel like doing is crying and I feel like all the crap I've been going through since I got to my moms house was for nothing. I have nothing left to look forward to. I know people are going to say I have the birth to look forward to but i don't. There's no surprise nothing to make that moment a little more special. I have yet to have a pregnancy where I could be happy throughout or for short periods of time. This was suppose to MY pregnancy, not some highjacked experience like last time. I only asked people for ONE thing and I couldn't even get that. Now I have to look forward to my mom constantly talking about "my boys" and i already know if I don't act super excited to know then she's going to be mad and give me a hard time. I wish there was somewhere I could go where everyone would just leave me alone and stop trying to force their beliefs and desires on me. As much as I want kids I don't think I can go through this anymore.
All I feel like doing is crying and I feel like all the crap I've been going through since I got to my moms house was for nothing. I have nothing left to look forward to. I know people are going to say I have the birth to look forward to but i don't. There's no surprise nothing to make that moment a little more special. I have yet to have a pregnancy where I could be happy throughout or for short periods of time. This was suppose to MY pregnancy, not some highjacked experience like last time. I only asked people for ONE thing and I couldn't even get that. Now I have to look forward to my mom constantly talking about "my boys" and i already know if I don't act super excited to know then she's going to be mad and give me a hard time. I wish there was somewhere I could go where everyone would just leave me alone and stop trying to force their beliefs and desires on me. As much as I want kids I don't think I can go through this anymore.
Comments
I learned my lesson, no more Mrs. NiceMom lol I actually haven't thought about how they'll look but now that you mention it I do have something to wonder about. Hopefully one of these boys will look like me, my daughter is my husbands twin lol Thank you ladies, I do feel a little better >:D<