I am having a moment.....I FEEL VERY CHEATED

Prayin_4_twinsPrayin_4_twins
edited December 2011 in VENT (keep it peaceful!)
I feel as though I've been cheated in life! I wasn't skinny, pretty, or popular in school. I have great family members , amazing friends (I thank God we met), but I am still not skinny, pretty, or popular (not that being popular matters to me now.) But I still feel very cheated! If it was a bad gene from my dads side I got it, if it was a bad gene from my mind side, I got it. My cousin is 5' 4", beautiful, size C , 130 Max, she takes after our family , just pissed me off! And our of all the ppl in my family in one of the good ones & can't have children This IS INSANE! I'm becoming very bitter. Erics cousin & wife have been married 5 years , they have 2 girls and just had a baby boy, I am in one of those moods where I don't know if I can even bring myself to hold the baby. I just feel that I can't get anything I want, I don't understand how I can do everything in life the way I was taught yet I can't have the one thing I want in life!!!

Comments

  • newmommyFeb2012newmommyFeb2012
    I am guessing that your monthly showed her ugly face. :(. I read your posts and always hope that you are pregnant this time and I am so sorry that it didnt happen. I tried for a year and a half, but it was less then you and I didnt use any of the procedures or anything you have, but what I can compare to is knowing how horrible it feels to feel these fake pregnancy symptoms and be late for your period and then test and it comes negative. Then the next day you start your period and your heart just breaks. :(. God has a plan and maybe its just not time yet, but since hasnt been too long since you started evening out on your new stuff maybe it will happen soon :). Might just take a few extra months to even everything out.
  • CrisjoeCrisjoe
    I felt the same way and would look at teen girls who were popping kids got out like biscuits and thought why them? Then realized being bitter was tiring and wasn't changing a thing. Long story short, I'm 37 and have a 4 week old. Life doesn't happen on our schedule and no one said it was fair. Take some time to get mad, be pissed, have a pity party (we all have to get it out of our system) and start a new day, be thankful for what you have instead of what you don't ...it will happen.
  • Prayin_4_twinsPrayin_4_twins
    @newmommyFeb2012 Thank you. Its hard, its just rough bc others around me don't understand! My Dr. Is only giving me 3 more rounds of clomid before I have to start a new plan, we don't have that kind of money, & my insurance doesn't cover fertility at all, damn state pay (I work for the state & we are number 50 on the list for paying employees)
    I am just upset, af hasnt shown yet but I feel like it will any moment, I keep going potty, I took a year & it was neg :(
    @Crisjoe Congrats! Yes its rough seeing everyone & talking about their kids. I just don't understand why God puts us through this! I Sony flow drugs never have, I Sony smoke, I rarely drink, I go to work, I support my family the way I should , I'm faithful to my husband, so why am I being punished! ?!??!?
  • newmommyFeb2012newmommyFeb2012
    :-( Well Im so sorry. I hate that fertility isnt cover by state or most insurance companies. I know what you mean about others not understanding. A few months before we finally got pregnant my friend and I were talking and all she ever would talk about was how I need to take a breath and calm down and stop trying. It would make me so angry and all i wanted to do was tell her to shut up lol.
  • Mrs4cMrs4c
    You're the one with HUNDREDS of Preglies here for you and rooting you on! Internet hugs to you! ***** Life is crummy, that's why God made cookies.
  • jodi102011jodi102011
    @Prayin_4_twins, I am so sorry you are feeling that way. I will pray for you and me that we get our babies. Your period hasnt started yet so it could still happen. I tested today too and it was negative. According to my days app I would get it the 16th but I got it on the 13th last month so I just have to pray I am pregnant because I miss my baby boy Mason so much.
  • Prayin_4_twinsPrayin_4_twins
    edited December 2011
    @jodi102011 I am sending you prayers & hugs! I need to wait & see if af even shows. I was having a very emotional moment earlier bc of everyone I know having babies. My husbands cousin brought the baby over and Jen do you want to hold him, she is so nice & I really did want to hold him. I just want a baby of my own that I get to hold & love whenever I can. I have wanted a baby since I was really small. My mom told me that when I meet the right man & get married then I would be able to have a baby.......I just wanted everything to go as I planned, so when I heard my 15 y/o cousin was prego I felt like punching someone really hard!
    @Mrs4c Thank you!!!!!
    @newmommyFeb2012 yes, my friends are understanding but our families not so much. My mom keeps saying things like I want grandkids I'm not getting any younger but then turns around and says maybe its just not time your, but then says that of my brother (20) & sister in law (19) no kids, that of they have kids before us that I will just have to deal with it. I was so pissed BC my brother did everything he cld to get kicked out of the military, he came home to sell drugs, do drugs & break into houses, & is now sitting in jail so it makes me mad when she makes comments.
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  • Prayin_4_twinsPrayin_4_twins
    @2BeForgotten Thank you soooooooo much! Hearts to you too! I am so thankful to have an understanding husband who helps me through these times, but he alone wouldn't be able to do this if I didn't have my Pregly mamas to help support me & talk to me during these difficult times!
  • jodi102011jodi102011
    @Prayin_4_twins, I understand completely. Two of my really good friends had babies 2 months before masons due date. One of them my husband watches for day care. I hold her a lot. Sometimes it is very hard to let her go. I would be upset too if my 15 year old cousin was pregnant. I actually have 3 cousins due in may so I really hope I get pregnant soon. We will get our babies. God has a plan for us.
  • LeviLuv8LeviLuv8
    I hear you! It took me a year. However my sil &bil tried for 5 years! Just this last year they did clomid & insemination neither worked. Until they did invitro. It took the first time and now I have the 2 most precious nieces ever they are only a week old but perfect as hell. they paid alot, took a loan out to do the invitro but thats how they had to. It is frustrating. I just had a parent at my work announce they are pregnant again. They have 1 7m old together, she has a 2 yr old and he has 2 3 &5. They are on all assistance things & completely take advantage of the state. It makes me sick. But hell in their minds "we don't have to pay for anything so why not" it's irritating. So I know how you feel doing everything right but still not getting what you truly want.
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