extremely complicated!!

edited March 2011 in Pregnant
Extremely long story. Ill try to sum it up as best I can... first of all. I will ask you all not to be judgemental. Thanks.
First, I'm 19, My boyfriend is almost 25. Second, he happens to be my first cousin. We love each other very much but were not ttc. He lives almost 3 hours away and we currently see each other every two weeks. We have been making plans to get an apartment in his area with a friend of his. The past week and a half I have been experiencing some pregnancy symptoms and informed my boyfriend. He wasn't thrilled to say the least. He isn't ready for kids due to the fact that he is going to school to be a pilot and is extremely busy with that and work. He was just visiting last week and we discussed the possibility of being pregnant and what would happen. I asked him if he wanted to know the results when I took the test (which I was taking the day after he left). He told me no. He wanted to know in person because he was afraid he would react the wrong way and end up not talking to me if it was positive. I took my test, 2 actually, both positive. Now I am stuck with this news for two weeks and I can't tell him. Its extremely hard to avoid on the phone. I've told my mom. And 2 of my cousins. I wasn't suppose to tell anyone except my mom. But I needed support from people I trusted other than my mom. Besides the fact that my mom works all the time and I have yet to actually discuss the results with her. I told her on the phone that it was a positive, but I want to sit down and talk to her and find out what the next step is... but she's always too busy, or else we are avoiding my stepdad since he can't find out or else I would be kicked out of the house. I'm extremely scared. And I honestly don't know where to begin with all this. I would appreciate all the help I can get! I am currently 4 weeks and 4 days. And I am due november 8th. thank you.
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Comments

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  • My stepdad would be upset bc he's a control freak and a complete butthole. And he is by far my first cousin. Our dads are brothers. We knew this before we started dating...
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  • Y exactly cant u tell him on the phone again? Im sry my mind is scrambled its late lol. He said he wouldnt want to act a way and not speak to u anymore?
  • What are you planning on doing? Meaning adoption, abortion, or becoming a parent? What do YOU want to do? Without anyone elses opinion or say? And are you cousins by blood or marriage?
  • Hmm. I learned in genetics class that it can cause some problems with pregnancy coming from the same blood line. Im not judging you at all. Just concerned with you and your babies health but you can't help who you love:) but honey just take it slow don't stress too much about telling him. You will get to tell him! Its exciting and is hard to keep hush about it! At least you got to tell your mom! I wish you all the best!
  • @mama_kat bashing? There is no bashing lol
  • @Mama_Kat thank you. We both knew there were risks when we got into our relationship. We talked about our goals etc in life and we discussed children and looked into it... all I could really find was the most common problem of a handicapped child. Which the chances weren't that much higher than a normal couple. But I guess I never really thought of other risks such as miscarriage. We always just talked about handicaps due to the fact that everyone threw that at us when we announced our relationship.
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  • @ProudMommie627 I can't tell him on the phone bc he gets stressed easily and he doesn't want to freak out and get mad since he doesn't want to be a daddy right now. He's afraid that he won't want to talk to me bc he will be too angry.
  • Is ur mom n family supportive?
  • @Steeny I plan on keeping the baby or I guess possibly adoption although I highly doubt that i could. My views on abortion prevent me from even considering that option.
  • He probably wont be angry. It will probably be stress more than anything! Is he one of those types that likes to have EVERYTHING planned out?
  • Are you ready to be a mom right now? You have to take into consideration all of your options and how you feel about each or them.
  • @hurts2cry wow. He doesnt sound very suppprtive. Im sry. Wat do u want to do?? I mean whether u tell him on the phone or in person i dnt think it will make him want to start being a dad. As long as ur mom supports ir decisions i think u will b ok. Wat r ur plans?
  • @hurts2cry my opinion would be to, definitely see a docotr, also respect what your man has asked of you. If he already put out on the table that he would rather have it in person so nothing negative happens, I would respect that he told you that. If you have some people to talk to while you wait those few weeks that should hopefully make it a little easier.
  • @kara_lamek thank you. I'm tryin hard not to stress... keepin myself distracted and avoiding the subject when we talk. Usually it hits me late at night when I can't sleep...
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  • Everything hits a lot of females at night pregnant or not.. lol but wait till you see him to tell him. I think the distance y'all have affects his reactions. Stress is my guess. Just stay positive. Its not about you and him anymore.. it's about your baby now:) be thankful!
  • Well do what feels right. My bf wasn't very excited at first but now he rubs my belly and talks to it lol. Men get real freaked out sometimes. I know that adoption is an AWESOME thing. My mother did it. She was 18 and not ready. The girl went to a great family and had such a great life with them. Much better then my mom could have given her. But I think my mom never stopped thinking about her even though she knew it was the right decision she always hoped the girl would find her and she did. Its a tough decision but weigh all of your options. Are you truely ready to give this baby the best chance at life. That's the most important thing how will this baby be impacted.Good luck hun and we are here for you no matter what your decision it will be the right one!
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  • @hurts2cry. my cousin. n my other cousin r married. or whatever. the point is they have kids together. all of our moms r sisters. their kids r fine. no problems in pregnancy. no handicapped kids. but the chances of their kids having kids w defects. is way higher.
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  • @gabschillin thank you!
    @ProudMommie627 my mom is somewhat supportive. But like I said she's busy a lot and we haven't even had the chance to talk since I took my test. and my cousins def are. They don't exactly approve of the situation but they are here for me 100% and he's probably the main reason I'm even stressing at all. He's just worried that he won't be able to provide a very good life for our baby. Which I know we can. He just worries too much.
    @kara_lamek he def is one of those guys. Lol. He worries about everything and stresses about stuff that is years down the road.
    @Steeny I'm not going to say I'm completely ready but I'm not giving up my baby and ill do whatever it takes to make this work out.
    @PreggoGiggles I am completely respecting his choice. And I refuse to tell him about it. He just makes it hard when he brings up topics that relate to the situation. I want to tell him sooo bad and when he brings things up its really hard to bite my tongue and avoid the subject. I'm sure he is gunna figure it out for himself... just because of all the subjects I avoid and change... but it def helps having a few people I can talk to.
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  • Firsttimedaddy im so glad you posted that saying they are ok:) genetics are tricky! My best friends parents are cousins. I think 3rd cousins and married(its legal in alabama) and their kids are athletic and really smart without any problems!
  • I also forgot to mention that in one month I am moving in with him and his friend. We have an apartment and we are already getting stuff ready to move. I am trying to find a job in the area and go from there... but finding out that I'm pregnant makes the situation a lot more complicated.
  • Hurts2cry im the exact same way that's why I asked. I over analyze everything I do or see. Im a worry wort and stay stressed! So he will probably get angry at himself for not being exactly where he wants to be in life and stuff along those lines. Don't beat yourself up about it.
  • @FirstTimeDaddy thank you. My cousin told me about a friend of her parents family that married her cousin and they had children and they turned out healthy. But I guess it still worries me lol
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