Feeling really guilty

usafwife_21usafwife_21
edited January 2012 in Breastfeeding
So my son is almost 6 weeks old. He was born premature and has congentitial heart disease. He got heart surgery at age 2 weeks. He's what they call a "blue baby" meaning his oxygen saturation is in the 80s rather than 100. The side effects of this are him wearing out easier than other babies... So for this reason I pump exclusively. We only did the SNS (a gravity powered wasy to feed babies on the breast) a few times. But we've been bottle feeding him because its important that he doesn't burn to many calories working to eat. Well, my milk supply has been awful the since his surgery about 4 weeks ago... For the past four weeks I pumped 8-10 times a day for 30 minutes. I took fenugreek, REglan, and mothers milk... My milk supply was still poor..

So yesterday I decided to give up... I really wanted to get my milk supply up and start to breastfeed him... but I can't... I felel so bad about it.. With all of his problems I want him to have my immunity, but its really discouraging to try so hard for something, only to come up short time after time... Does anyone have words of encouragment or a similar experience? I know that I'm a great mom, but this makes me feel like a failure :(

Comments

  • BentleysMommy716BentleysMommy716
    You are absolutely NOT a failure! I can only imagine trying to breastfeed a preemie as well as with the condition he faces, it would be so hard! You're awesome for making it to 6 weeks! And the colostrum is an important part which he got! Don't beat yourself up about it. You did great :)
  • Mallory27Mallory27
    you are doing everything for your son and that makes you a great mom. you are anything but a failure. stay possitive even though im sure at times its hard
  • momtobmomtob
    You did great for trying! Lilly is 4 1/2 months andi just stopped pumping. She was a premie too and spent 9 days in NICU. They advised me to pump for the same reason..so she didn't work to hard to eat. It was exhausting to pump and take care of her and after trying to keep my supply up, I dried up anyway. I can totally relate to the feeling of failure :( but we tried..and suceeded for a while. Its better then nothing and your doing what you have to do. Your a good mommy!
  • usafwife_21usafwife_21
    @Nova thank you so much! I know I'm doing the best I can but I'm dissapointed. I wish my body would have treated my baby better!

    @benteleysmommy716 thank you! I'm really proud I did make it through everything and he's atleast had a good start. I'm just depressed cause I was looking forward to it so much, but his situation is different than a regular babies so I'm trying to just accept it!

    @mattandmallory27 thank you very much. I feel better knowing you and other moms understand.. my husband and mother have been giving me a hard time about it but its hard to understand

    @momtob if you dont mind me asking how premie was your baby? I'm glad she spend such a short time there! the NICU nurses and other families definitely became my family during the stay! You did AMAZING at pumping for so long!!! You have patiences of steel! I'm glad you can relate I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this :)

    thank you so much everyone, its really helped me alot opening up to other mothers about this problems and all these feelings

  • momtobmomtob
    She was born at 36+6 weeks and went to NICU more to deal with her birth related trama (she was stuck and rather then opt for a csection my dr pulled on her for 45 minutes with forcips causing a lot of brusing and raising her bilirubin levels beyond what they said was safe). The nurses were amazing and so understanding. I stayed in a surgical room just to be near her and try to breast feed when she was up to it but it was so hard for her, she just fell assleep without eating when she got to tired :( she doing really well now tho! I really didn't want to stop pumping and felt so bad for it but the first time in 5 months that I got to sleep for more then 3 hours straight was so good! I wish things were different and bf was for us but it just wasn't. I don't think its for everyone and I was just to stubborn to acept that lol! Your certainly not alone in your feelings. Thanks for having the courage to talk about this
  • usafwife_21usafwife_21
    @momtob Oh my goodness. My labor took a turn for the worse and they just knocked me out and did a csection! The idea of forceps just scares me! Yeah breastfeeding just doesnt work in some situations, I just have to accept it doesnt work in mine! The NICU nurses were very nice, we were in the NICU for about 40 days and the day he went home all the nurses had to come say by.. Sounds strange but I cried leaving the NIUC it was like home for a while! I'm so glad shes doing well know it gives me high hopes for my little one!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
Sign In or Register to comment.

© Vanilla Keystone Theme 2024