Feeling Resentment and depressed...
In March of last year my younger sister, who has Lupus, was induced at 24 weeks and sadly my niece did not survive. I learned that I was expecting in August and when we spread the news my mother berated my husband and I and accused me of purposely getting pregnant to hurt my sister, which I would never do. Any time there has been a family function my mom discourages anyone from discussing my pregnancy around my sister and even told me not to have a baby showed because it.would hurt my sister too much. Being the older sister and already having 3 kids I've been cautious as to my sister's feelings and have tried my best to not "flaunt" my pregnancy.
However last weekend my aunt threw me a baby shower and my sister said she didn't want to come, which I understood. I was actually looking forward to having a good time and thought for once I would be able to express excitement over my daughter's impending arrival. My sister came to the shower with several of her friends in tow, girls I didn't know, and before the first gift was opened she burst into tears and ran out of the room with her friends, my mother and 2 cousins right behind her. I became hurt and sad and didn't even want to continue with the party as I felt like this was a moment for me and once again it was turned into moment for her.
I understand my sister hurts for her daughter, I have had a miscarriage before and I know how much it hurts. But I'm really starting to resent that I can't be excited about my baby. My mother continues to talk about what happened to my sister and I wish she would stop so that my sister could try to move on. But when I try to express my feelings, its like I don't have them, only my sister's count.
I'm 37 weeks so my baby will be here soon and I'm to the point where I don't want my mother or sister to even come to the hospital when my baby comes because, as selfish as it sounds, I want my time and I want to be happy and not have another depressing situation. Am I wrong to feel this way? Everyone tells me to be happy but its easier said than done...
However last weekend my aunt threw me a baby shower and my sister said she didn't want to come, which I understood. I was actually looking forward to having a good time and thought for once I would be able to express excitement over my daughter's impending arrival. My sister came to the shower with several of her friends in tow, girls I didn't know, and before the first gift was opened she burst into tears and ran out of the room with her friends, my mother and 2 cousins right behind her. I became hurt and sad and didn't even want to continue with the party as I felt like this was a moment for me and once again it was turned into moment for her.
I understand my sister hurts for her daughter, I have had a miscarriage before and I know how much it hurts. But I'm really starting to resent that I can't be excited about my baby. My mother continues to talk about what happened to my sister and I wish she would stop so that my sister could try to move on. But when I try to express my feelings, its like I don't have them, only my sister's count.
I'm 37 weeks so my baby will be here soon and I'm to the point where I don't want my mother or sister to even come to the hospital when my baby comes because, as selfish as it sounds, I want my time and I want to be happy and not have another depressing situation. Am I wrong to feel this way? Everyone tells me to be happy but its easier said than done...
Comments
@MrsDelRae: my sister also has SLE, as well as a blood clot disorder called anti-phospholipid syndrome and Addison's Disease. She was told at 15 she would never carry a baby to term and could risk her own life if she ever became pregnant. She was induced to save her own life because her kidneys began to shut down and her bp could not be stabilized. It's a sad hand she has been dealt.
We are indecisive about a name, I am anyway. I really like Salem, but my husband dislikes it. This morning I am set on Emma Camille....
Thanks everyone for your comments, it makes me feel a little better in my excitement.19 days until Due Date!!
She miscarried around 3 months pregnant from a eptopic pregnancy.. almost 3 or 4 months after her miscarriage I found out I was pregnant. I really didn't know how to tell her but I did and she didn't seem too upeset about the situation. Well, almost exactly 3 months into my pregnancy she becomes pregnant again against everyones advice (with health, age, and other factors being in consideration for her). I sort of felt in a way that she got pregnant again to spite me or to take "my time" (selfish as it may sound) away from me and my baby.
It has taken me almost 5 months to be okay with her and her decisions she's made.. but I finally realized that sisters and family are forever.. and am actually looking forward to my babygirl having a close cousin to her.