Smoking & Daddy & Baby
Is anyone else having problems with their BD smoking cigarettes? My hubby and I had discussed before our daughter Sophia was born, him quitting. He said he agreed. But he is smoking still. :-( I find him stinky, gross and very unattractive. I almost feel like I might have some hatred towards him. I don't want cigarettes anywhere near my daughter, nor do I want her to become a smoker. He gets mad at me saying I make him feel guilty about smoking and that that is his only way to.deal with the stress of work and not bring that stress home with him. And he admitted he never wanted to quit in the first place... That he only did bcuz he thought it would make me happy. Yes. It did. But not him smoking now. Both bcuz it sets a poor example for our daughter and is horrible for his health now and his long term health... I'm so mad and frustrated and just... The only thing I feel is disappointment and dread.
Am I wrong to think he is never going to quit? I never wanted the father of my children to be a smoker. I told him before I had Sophie, I would live somewhere else, take her with me. Both of my in laws smoke like f'ing chimneys. It's disgusting and all three of them have horrendous breath. It makes me want to vomit. I hate the fact that 98% of the time I am unattracted to ky husband. That last 2% reduces each time he says he is going to smoke or I smell it on him...
Am I wrong to think he is never going to quit? I never wanted the father of my children to be a smoker. I told him before I had Sophie, I would live somewhere else, take her with me. Both of my in laws smoke like f'ing chimneys. It's disgusting and all three of them have horrendous breath. It makes me want to vomit. I hate the fact that 98% of the time I am unattracted to ky husband. That last 2% reduces each time he says he is going to smoke or I smell it on him...
Comments
@newmominsept
Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? I only ask because if you never have then you will never truly know how hard it is to quit. nicotine is the most addictive drug there is, its worse than heroin. I do understand your frustrations, but I think you should just try to understand how it is to be in his shoes. If he can't quit at least get him to wash his hands and brush his teeth after...and maybe he will get tired of that routine and eventually stop. But I wouldn't leave him just because he smokes cigarettes. That's me though... Do you think it would be worse for your daughter to grow up with separated parents or with him leaving for a second to smoke away from her/you?
I would say when he smokes go outside, also make him have a "smoke shirt" near the door where he goes out, he can change before he goes out...just a suggestion. Also, wash his hands, and have a bottle of sanitizer around.
If he smoked prior to having the baby it isn't easy to quit so maybe make a deal of smoking less at home...
Hi, thanks for your suggestions/comments! I don't think I have ever been addicted, but I did smoke for 3-4 years quite a bit. Some while I first met my husband. Then I learned (in depth) about the health problems to follow if I kept smoking and it prompted me to quit. It took me about 4 months to quit, 6 completely. I'm not sure if that constitutes as being addicted or not. But the rewards in my general health, breathing full breathes and not feeling winded while walking up the stairs kept me going. My husband and I took a first time parenting/baby class two months before Sophia was born and they explained about the dangers of smoking to our newborn. We rent the downstairs from his parents and got them to agree to quit also, for the health of our child.
He started out great! But work takes the majority of his time. He was smoke free for about 4 months. Then he made friends with a new coworker and he started smoking again. At first just 1-2 a day and only at work. Then he told me I had agreed it was ok for him to continue smoking until Sophia is old enough to know what is going on--which I do not recall. He admitted a few weeks ago I never said that. Currently he is smoking 4-6 a day and is doing so at home. I do make him put on a coat, different shirt and cover his hair. Then he has to wash his hands, brush his teeth and use mouth wash. I still find him disgusting though. His breath smells like mint and ashtray. I have a really good sense of smell and so pungent smells bother me pretty easily. I asked if he could wash his face too bcuz maybe that's why I can still smell it, but he refuses. He is a lot crankier now than he was when he wasn't smoking. As soon as his craving hits if he doesn't smoke he acts like an a**hole towards me. Yelling at me about nothing like could he please put his shoes away so I don't trip on them. So I can't say anything at all. About seemingly anything. I have a growing hatred towards him. His mother sees him smoking and thinks it is ok to smoke while she is watching Sophia also. She doesnt wash her hands, only sometimes changes her shirt, and NEVER brushes her teeth. She doesn't pull her hair back either so Sophie's face gets buried in her smokey hair.
I am not nagging him about smoking. I asked him for a few weeks why and if there is any chance of him quitting. He did, as some of u said, get very defensive. I don't think less of him for smoking. Not as a person. But as a parent I find that I do. We should lead by example. Practice healthy lifestyles so our child sees that and chooses to do so also. I'm in healthcare. My husband is prone to diabetes, heart disease, and he doesn't eat healthy--unless I beg him to. He doesn't understand his choices now decide his future health. I want him to be afoul.d when we are grandparents. I don't want him to have to give himself insulin shots or have a triple by pass or pacemaker put in.
I know this must sound like I am being overly paranoid. But being surrounded by people who haven't taken care of themselves and are in pain or dependent upon between six to a dozen medications to keep their body functioning normally makes u think.
@skysma yeah, maybe more social. It does make sense that it would be harder to quit if u were more than a social smoker.
@heyitsme his parents both smoke like chimneys. His mom can't go more than a few hours without it. It aggravates her psoriasis (along with her diet) and she still can't slow down. Although I'm not sure if she realizes the two are intertwined like that. I think he started smoking bcuz his parents do and work environment. We both used to be bartenders and u get a five min smoke break every few hours. If u didn't smoke u were supposed to get a break, but most of the time u didn't. So part family part environment. The main reason I had quit was from change in environment. So without that, I guess I could still be a smoker?
@prayin4agurl @aishamusha u are both lucky!!
@augustbebe yeah, my hub y stinks pretty bad too. I personally think right after he smokes his breathe smells like ashtray and after about an hour it smells like butt. >_< I told him that a few times and then he started using the mouthwash I bought him. he doesn't notice it though bcuz smoking messes with ur sense of smell and taste after a long time smoking. He can't smell when our daughter goes pooh pooh unless her diaper is right in his face! Either that or he's a sly genius who plays it off well so he doesn't have to change her poopie diaper? Haha
@foxy I suggested that, he said all the people he has spoken to about them just went right back to smoking regular cigarettes. So he wo.t try them. :-(
I spoke to my hubby about his smoking again, in a completely non confrontational no blame pointed anywhere no nagging about how he smells kind of way. He said he plans to eventually quit. He just doesn't know when. I voiced my concerns about his health, our health, our roles as parents for Sophia and bad habits I hope she won't pick up from either of us. He listened and so... End result is I just have to live with it for now. He promises to wash his hands, face, use mouthwash, change his shirts. And I promised not to nag about him quitting. I honestly believe on a year when we have saved enough money to.move out of his parents (we rent the downstairs and currently are finding it hard to save, who would've thought that would happen after having a baby?) Once we move and he is away from his parents employ all the time his habit will die down and eventually go away. *fingers crossed* I hope. :-(