For those who got married young

Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
edited July 2012 in Not Pregnancy Related - NPR
Do you feel like you missed out on life? I got married at 20 (i'm 22 now), had a baby 10 months later. I was never a partier and i've only slept with my husband. I've been struggling the past couple months with life, hubby finally let me go out to a club with my sister a couple weeks ago and it was amazing, i had a blast and even caught a couple eyes, but the next morning I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I'm happy about the baby but it will be a miracle if I stay with my husband through it. I've missed my 20's and i'm no where near close to 30, i know i'm not supposed to regret life, but i do :/ I wish i could go back and party and sleep with whoever and just live. I know leaving won't help me live but my heart thinks it will. i just want to have a portion of my life where nobody expected anything from me. will this feeling ever go away or do I need to leave and see that it's not going to be all I expected it to be? sorry for the ramble.
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Comments

  • jennalynne87jennalynne87
    I got married at 19 but didnt have a baby for 5 more years. We went on vacations and were out pretty much every weekend. I dont feel like i missed out on anything
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  • My2BoysMy2Boys
    I don't know what to really tell you. I've been with my husband since 19, pregnant at 20, married at 22, another baby at 24 and were both only 25 now. I feel like you do, but in the sense that me and my husband missed out on having fun and special time together. I wish we could have stayed out all night drinking with our friends, celebrated 21, and just up and went on a road trip together. I love my kids but I wish we were older, but I try to remember I will only be forty when there out of the house and we can have our special time together then. It sounds to me like you want freedom, and getting rid of your husband wont give you that, you will never get that back. Think about it carefully before you decide because your a mother and even if you're single you wont be able to go out to the clubs and bring guys back. If your having serious relationship problems that's different, but don't leave because you want to party. Try talking to him about how you feel, maybe you guys can have more date nights.
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @jennalynne87 i found out i had endometriosis, the dr said have a baby now or you may not get to, so we moved the wedding up and had a baby, or else we would have waited a while longer.
    @homebirthadvocate thank you for those words, if only i could get it through my thick skull
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    edited July 2012
    @mom2ing my babies are one of the main reason's i'm still here, my parents stayed together because it was convient and it made our lives hell and still does, i just dont want to be like that and i know i have to work on my relationship but its hard.
    @mom2boys i doubt i'd become a partier, that was or still isn't me, i'm just going through a rough patch within myself
  • dra765dra765
    I feel you. I'm 21 now n just had my babe a few months ago. I feel like i went from one serious relationship to another to a baby and .marriage. I had a few fun months going to clubs and sleeping around. I miss it n sometimes wish I was single but then I look at how much happier I am with my soul mate and babe. I'm blessed to have found him early in life than to have spent years looking and getting my heart broken.
  • captivatedcaptivated
    This whole post is my feelings to a 't'.
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    edited July 2012
    @dra765 at least you know you found your soulmate
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    Got married one week before I turned 19. Had my first kid at 21 and my second at 22. I sometimes wish I could have waited before I settled down. I love my kids to death but I do wonder what if I had waited a couple more years
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @captivated i'm sorry, i wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. :-(
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @kayleigh27 what if's are killing me, the sad part is my husband has done nothing wrong, besides annoy the shit out of me. which he somehow seems to do everyday and now that i'm pregnant, i cant go out, i cant take my depression medication (although i may have to start, i'd rather have a baby with abnormalities than no baby at all, and yes, it got to that point in my last pregnancy :,()
  • dra765dra765
    Yea that's true...it sounds like you need space. Tell him how you feel and who knows maybe he'll allow you to see if the grass is greener. But once you've partied and slept around you'll miss what you had. Who knows you might not even get to that point n space will be enough.
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @dra765 i dont want to sleep with anyone, ever, i'm pretty sure i could go the rest of my life without sex lol he was giving me space but now that i'm pregnant there isn't much that i can do. i probably would've been fine with just a couple more times of going out and drinking (i didnt get drunk and didnt want to) but its a moot point now
  • skysmaskysma
    I got married at 19 hubby and I had our first kid when I was 17 he was 19 second at 19 third 20.. I know exactly how u feel its hard hard hard but I learned its a lot easier to be with ur baby daddy than to be apart that's my personal opinion but in the end its wat makes uuu happy my love and what's best for u and ur children
  • Janet_2011Janet_2011
    I got married at 19, got pregnant 3 months after the wedding day and then we had our second baby, we have struggled, been through hunger , argued , and through so much other things that i dont even feel like writting that much . But i dont regret nor would i change anything, I have never been a party person so i guess is my type of life.
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @skysma thanks :) me staying is whats best for my babies right now but if it gets the way my parents relationship is then i'm out.
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @Janet_2011 i've never been a partier either, i don't know where it's coming from, or it may be the fact that that is the only thing to do in this town. hopefully i can get to the point where i don't regret anything, thank you for your story, it gives me hope :)
  • dra765dra765
    Try doing those things with him. Go to clubs together or give yourself a few nights to.be alone. You need to get those feelings out tho n do somethin or you will resent him n that's never good
  • skysmaskysma
    if u need to text me or something u can because I've been there done that and let's just say a picture frame flew at the guys head I was with at the time "almost" no one can treat ur kids the way their dad does imo
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @dra765 we've been wanting to go out with my sister but i wouldnt let him drink (he gets angry) but you're right, we do need to do more things together. thank you for talking to me and calming me back down, crazy pregnancy hormones
  • victoriareneevictoriarenee
    I got married at 18 and just got our first baby at 20. I think about our life before baby and I miss the young freedom we had to go out but I never wish I could have slept with other guys other than my dh. Just wish we would have waited to have our lo. And we're 1700 miles from our family so we have no one to watch lo for us to have date nights which makes it worse:/
  • dra765dra765
    Maybe just 3 beers...somethin to take the edge off n loosen him up hehehehe no problem :D \:D/
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @skysma this is true and i couldn't imagine him taking her every other weekend or whatever, i dont even trust the lady at the church nursery with my baby lol i doubt i'd ever date again, i think i'd be a good single person (see <-- i cant help being negative nancy)but i know being with my husband is best for the babies. i've never really been single, i always had someone to answer to, thats probably a majority of my problem.
  • Kimberly4411Kimberly4411
    @victoriarenee if it makes you feel better we literally have zero friends and he annoys me to much (because i'm off my depression medication) to do too much with just him and i. our excitment on the weekend is to go walk around shopping places, we don't even buy anything lol i'd be scared to leave my daughter with anyone who wasn't family ;/ i used to babysit growing up, idk how those parents came to trust me before they knew me. i hope you can find somebody though :)

    @dra765 he doesn't need loosened up lol i do! lmao
  • skysmaskysma
    Yeah same here and when I didn't have jesse I felt so incomplete
  • LaFiiTz89LaFiiTz89
    I got prego at 18 and married at 20, so I think I missed out on a lot by having a baby not getting married.
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  • MrsStanley_x2MrsStanley_x2
    I had my party stage from 18-20, and I'm pretty sure I lived it up enoigh for 10 years. I was already settling down and finishing up my degree when I met my husband. We had to fight for my twins (pcos issues) so they were 100% planned for. Maybe I'm weird, but I love being a young mom! 23 now, husband is 30. We still have so much fun, BUT we both work at it! Date nights, cuddling watching movies- even the little things are special.
  • WilsomomWilsomom
    I got married at 17, first baby at 18. By the time I was 23 I had been married for 6 years, had 3 kids & was divorced - a single parent. It was always my dream to be married & have a family. I got remarried 4 years later, gained a stepson & have since had 6 more children, 3 angel babies, & a grandson! I don't regret any of it. I was never much of a partier though. My life always centered around my kids.
  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    I had my baby a few weeks before I turned 21. I am not married as of now, but we own a house, and such stuff. I completely get what you're saying. My bf and I were only together for four months before I became pregnant, so I wish we could of had more 'us' time, travelled etc. It's hard seeing people on Facebook going around the world with their so or partying, or camping. But @homebirthadvocate is right, the other side is always nicer. I realized this when I became close with my cousins wife; she's travelled, done school, partied, but would trade it in a heart beat to have a baby.
    So long story short, its pretty normal to feel like tou missed out on something, but remember, there are people who would gladly switch with you. Count your blessings. Xoxo
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