depressed.. :(
my fiance joined the army. we were already engaged and planning a 2012 wedding but because he joined we moved the wedding up to this year. we decided to start ttc since he will be leaving for basic training two weeks after the wedding. most of my family keeps on telling me that just because we are married we dont need to be trying for babies and we have a lot of time and this and that. my mom has already said that it would be completly fine with her if we had a baby she would just perfer if we were both on the same page and really ready for it. which we are.. he said he has been waiting for me to be ready to have a baby, he has wanted one for almost a year now. ok.. so the depressing part. i know im the baby in the family and i get thats why dad doesnt want me to rush into having kids, mostly because he is already starting to feel old with the wedding so close. but i really feel like my step mom and step sister are really getting irritated with me and my fiance. my step sister has been engaged for almost 3 years. her wedding later this year and she is almost 30. the ONLY reason why she is getting married this year is because her soon to be in laws said they would pay to put her back in school to finish her degree if they got married so they will give them grand children. my step sister has been dead set against having kids before marriage because she wanted to be different from her friends and some family and blah de blah blah.. anyways its already bad enough that my step sister and my step mother see my wedding as informal and have been nit picking it apart since we moved it up. yesterday they mentioned how i need to WAIT till my sister has kids first since im getting married first... this depresses me.. why should i have to put my dreams of being a mommy on hold because my sister couldnt finish her degree 8 years ago with one semester left and get married 2 years ago? why should it be so important that she have kids first?? now i feel like if i do get pregnant im going to have to make it look like an "accident" to them.. any advice??
Comments
Second off, people have different types of weddings. Informal, formal - does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? Surprisingly, a grand wedding does not have to have a year or more of planning; very beautiful weddings can be done in a matter of weeks if you have the right resources and skills. Besides, it is YOUR wedding, and if you are doing it the way you and your fiance want, then they should show you respect by not nitpicking it. Unless they are the ones marrying you in the end, then it really shouldn't matter to them.
As for my third point, you should not have to wait and go by their schedule. If you and your fiance are ready, then you should have children on your time. From everything you have said and from what you have posted, it seems that you and he are in a loving, very committed relationship, and you have mutually decided to start a family together. You do not have to make it an accident, at least in my opinion. If your step mother and step sister want to start a family ordeal over the fact you are/will be pregnant, then it will only make them look bad, not you. You do not owe anyone an explanation for how you live your life, especially if it makes you and your fiance happy.
It sounds like you are marrying the love of your life for the right reasons, and the child you two bring into this world will be surrounded by love from its parents. With your fiance being in the military, you will have a steady income to boot. My best advice is to continue on with your plans, because your dreams and the happiness of you and your fiance are the most important things in this world. Everything else is secondary.
How close are you to your step mother and step sister?
While it was nice of them to offer to pay for the florist, they still should have done so in a respectful manner, without the implication that your choices were tacky. I know it will sound cliche, but it is your wedding, not theirs, so why should anyone else's choices matter but you and your fiance's? If you want giant ice zebras gracing the entrance, they might not like it, but if it is something you have thought about and justified (in the case of silk flowers, you would have considered cost, for instance), then they should take a step back.
Now that they are paying, however, they might expect to play a bigger part in the decision making process of the flowers - which is fine to an extent (as in they probably won't want you to go for the most expensive arrangements ever) - but if they try to bully you into something you do not want, stand firm. If you want orange roses and the roses are within budget, but they want lillies, try not to let them guilt you into anything else. It is unfair to force you to do something for your wedding that you do not want. How have they been so far, since it has been a few days?
I can relate to the wedding planning frustration wholeheartedly. There have been many days I have been tempted to throw my hands in the air, cancel all of the reservations and invitations, and sneak off to the court house. It would be sooo much easier than all of these headaches! Too many unsolicited opinions about what should be mine and my fiance's day.
If you ever need a person to vent to, I'm here and probably can relate all too well.
Yeah i tried talking my fiance into canceling everything and just get plane tickets and get married on the beach in the outter banks yesterday... he wasnt into it
get this.. we (step mother and sister and i) were out dress shopping for my step mom for both of our weddings.. i found this AMAZING wedding dress and since im not really all that crazy about the dress that i already have i tired it on and fell in love with it.. it fit my perfectly like it was made for me.. my step sister was like "oh it makes you look to hippy" because it was snug at my waist it was almost a mermaid dress but stopped at the hips instead of going all the way down to my thighs.. thats how it was supposed to look.. i turned around looked at her and said unlike you i have amazing hips with a HUGE smile on my face.. i felt so good when she gave me the i cant believe you just said that look... i mean i cant help it that i am a size 12/14 with great curves and she is a size 20 and the shape of an apple..
ahh venting it good