How do things change?

divamommy

I keep finding myself wondering if I am really ready for this and if my life as I know it is over. I had dinner with my bestfriend yesterday and it doesn't even seem like we have anything in common anymore. All she was talking about was going out and how her older sister (who has a child) envies her life. I have never even been the type to go out much even with her but now thinking that I'm finished with that part of my life, makes me feel like I'm going to miss out. I'm about 33 weeks and I know that my life is changed forever but I already feel like I have lost myself in this process. I have moved back home which I never wanted to do, lost a lot of my hair and kind of feel like I'm losing sight of my purpose in life. How do you know when you're ready for this especially doing it alone?

live4my2

Aww. I have been there. I raised my first two who are now 7 and 9 alone. You grow up a lot the minute your precious one is in your arms. Things change. But for me my kids made me better and stronger. I can't imagine life without them. They made me want to do better, not only for them but for myself. Your true friends will stand by you. The ones that don't weren't your true friends to begin with

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Mulan1582

Hey ms divamommy I was reading some of the comments on here. First let me say congrats on your baby :') and I hope all goes well for you I know how you feel as far as being lonely. Yes things do change A LOT but in my case it was a good change and I wouldn't do anything different! I'm pregnant and my baby is due in Novemeber I'm super excited. I hope all goes well for you!

blessedbe_x3

I agree. I was 19 when my first was born. I had those same thoughts! But life is diff not over... its when life becomes worth s much more then you ever dreamed! Now I'm 26 with baby #3 on the way.. I still have a life, I get to go outta with friends, date night with hubby. But my life is my children. You'll understand soon enough. You wont become invisible you'll become so much more then just @divamommy. You'll see

divamommy

@live4my2 I realize that this is going to make me grow up. I am 21 and always claimed that I was so grown. I had my own place, car, and could shop a lot with my salary. Now I realize that it takes more than money to raise a baby and I realize I don't make as much as I thought I did when a child comes into the picture. The idea of growing up seems nice but just realizing the mistakes that I've made to end up in this situation make me question rather or not I'm fit for it.

@Almost4 I was just telling a friend that being alone never bothered me until now that I'm pregnant. I actually enjoyed it, which is why I don't like the feeling of having to depend on family to help with the baby. I now realize that you can't have a baby alone so thats one of the biggest changes for me.

blessedbe_x3

Your right you can't have a baby alone. I love the say "it takes a village to raise a baby" my family helps out a lot. With my kids and my nieces and nephews. That's what family is for... to help you when You need it

divamommy

@Mulan1582 and @soontohavethree thnks for the advice and congrats to you as well

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Mulan1582

Oh you're welcome. I'm on my 5th baby and I already have 2 boys and 2 girls lol. But I feel like those are my only friends. . I love them to death but I do miss my friends. Daddy and I went to see a movie last Tuesday and went out to eat but its not the same. Then on the weekends when I do decide to do something I feel LOST without them and I'm ready to come home lol. I also have a lot of support from my mom she's my best friend. I'm on fb also my name is mulan1582@yahoo.com where are you from?

Mulan1582

Don't second guess yourself you'll be a wonderful mommy. No its not fun doing it alone especially without the father. That makes it even more special with the father of your child to be there for you. I've never had problems with the ppdepression. So I don't really know what that's like I've only heard stories that the mothers are very moody and some don't even want to hold or be around their baby. But I've been very very lucky to escape that. My last son his father was at EVERY drs appointment and there during the birth but it seemed like the minute he left I was g

divamommy

@Mulan1582 I'm from Texas and I closed my fb in the beginning of my pregnancy. I came from a family of 5 I would love to have a large family someday. I used to joke that I wanted 10 kids when people would ask me becauses I have always loved babies but I don't know if I can take anymore after this. My friend keeps telling me that Im just worried and the hormones could possibly have something to do with it so Im hoping that's the case. What about you, where are you from?

Mulan1582

I'm from Kansas City. That's so funny I always said I wanted 10 kids to and I wanted them to all be boys. Lmao. Never would have thought id be half way there!!!! Lol. It is just your hormones when your hear your babies first cry it really changes EVERYTHING. I cried everytime I heard my babies first cry. Lol. When you see him you look at this helpless human being that YOU brought into this world and he's depending on you to make sure he's safe make sure he's fed and taken care of. It sounds overwhelming but when you see him and hear him for the first time its the most wonderful feeling in the world!!!!

divamommy

I can imagine, I cry when I think about it. I was at the mall the other day and its so strange how I noticed other moms with their sons and I can't belive that's going to be me. I actually went to the restroom and broke down lol, Im sooo sensitive these days. so do you mind me asking how old you were with your first?

Proudmomma

Its very important for mommy to get a night off once in a while! Its part of the recipe of being a wonderful mom no one deserves some fun as much as a mommy. Life isn't over its just beginning. Having a child is the most amazing gift ever and you will find yourself rather being home with diapers then out with the girls. Having kids makes you realize you really weren't alive till they came. I had my first at 16 and that was tough. I sorta grew up with her and I wish I could go back and be there more for her. Trust me everything will be great just enjoy the gift God has given you cause he has picked you to have this baby

Mulan1582

I was 21 when I had my first baby. I waited awhile and they just kept coming after that. I had my son Denali in December of 2004 then I had my daughter Khiley December of 2005 then I had my other daughter Kniyah in October 2007 and I had my son DeVhan who is now 10 months May 3rd. So hell be 1 in a few months and pregnant AGAIN so yeah I want to go crazy sometimes lol. I'm 28 now.

Mulan1582

Is there any chance at all that dad will come around to help? Cause my first bd the one I have 3 kids with with our 1st child he didn't come around till I had our son. Its like that changed him COMPLETELY is when I gave birth to our son. He became number 1 daddy. Lol. It just sucked that it took me to have our son to change cause he really put me through a lot and caused me to have a very stressful pregnancy. But my 10 month old his daddy is wonderful he never missed an appointment when I was pregnant with him and now I'm afraid he's going to slack with this baby since he did so well with our first. only time will tell.

Mulan1582

Do you plan on breastfeeding?

new2_this

I felt thee same way I'm 22 I was always at the party scenes. Just living my life wit my boyfriend..drinking smoking weed I always got what I wanted for myself though been working since 15..
live shopping but I was planning on getting prego but wasn't preventing it either..no one would ever think me as selfish as I am would have a baby...2 abortions BTW sadly but I was tooo young..that was before I did get birth control after...but my first thought was...no more shopping and its not about me anymore:( sadly...but I'm ova it happy to have the the baby in good care and lots of support..ready for my little joy!!!

new2_this

Good luck to you ladyy take it easy..if ur baby daddy don't come around...don't think no one will date u with a baby BC that's never the case..and if they choose not to they don't deserve you flat out! Best wishes

Mulan1582

That's so true because I had 3 kids when I got with the man I'm with now and we have a 10 month old together and expecting another lol. And he takes care of my other 3 as if they were his. So just because you have a baby or babies you are still wanted!!!

divamommy

@Mulan1582 the dad didn't flee from me when he found out I actually pushed him away. I was upset that he'd even did this to me seeing as how he was supposed to have on a condom and he already has a child that he wasn't ready for. It's an old friend from highschool who I was really never interested in and that's one of the reasons I beat myself up. I was going thru some major issues before my pregnancy and I allowed myself to make numerous mistakes but I realize now that's no excuse. I know that it takes two to tango so I don't even blame him, I blame myself and I feel like I have screwed up my life. It makes me sick to even think that I will have to communicate with him for the nxt 18 years of my life. I was so excited by the fact that I could even get prego in the biginning that I ignored all of the negatives. My first and second trimesters were pure bliss and I was super excited. But I was also still at my apartment and my ex had moved in to help me. I have noticed that all of these feelings started once I moved back home or in other words my third trimester. It has been terrible and I hope I haven't harmed my baby with my stress.

divamommy

@new2_this thank you and I don't want to be with the father.

Mulan1582

Yeah that sucks. Believe it or not that happens quite a bit people have babies by someone in which it wasn't ment to be with that person. This isn't a mistake though things happen for a reason and god is giving you a wonderful blessing I know and understand you may not feel that way right now but trust me it'll all change when your little man gets here.

divamommy

@Mulan1582 thanks so much for your support and talking with me. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone you don't know.

Mulan1582

your welcome. Just wait till you see his little fingers and toes I'm looking at my 10 month old sleep now and I kiss his little hands and rub his head and tell him how happy I am to have him. As well as my other 3 I don't leave them out. Anytime you need to talk just let me know we can talk here or you can call 8165366513 GOOD LUCK!

BabyRosalee

Im having my second in July, my daughter is 2 1/2. During first pregnancy I mourned for my old life a lot. After I had her I tried to get so much of my old self back only to realize it wasn't me anymore. I still make time for old friends and the things I love to do, concerts plays movies. Now I know I can do both and be balanced.
Could u join a prenatal group or a mommy group to find some like company? Or a stroller fit or mom&baby yoga after u give birth? It will help to have mommy friends who r like you too.
I think women who worry whether or not they'll be good moms make the best moms. It motivates u to try ur best. Hang in there, its going to be great.

divamommy

@birth_guru_22 I think that would be a good idea but I'm not sure if I would have the time for it. I already realize that I'm not the same person and of course that's kind of scary. Maybe I've never underwent a change this drastic in life and all at once to top it off. I'm sure I could get involved in some kind of yoga group because I went to the gym a lot before I was pregnant. I know I have to take things one day at a time but that sounds easier than it is. I wish I could have everything figured out now.

BabyRosalee

I wish I had it figured out too! I hope u recognize how much u have accomplished just by making it this far! And the first few months will seem crazy but go by in a blur. Before u know it ull be planning his first bday and trying to remember life before him. U sound like a very caring and intelligent woman. Hopefully talking with these women here helps u thru this time in ur life, even if only a little.