baby shower question

momaynot

I am only ten weeks so I know it is early to be thinking about this, but I am a type a planner and can't help it. My grandma wants to throw me a shower three hours from where I live because I have I've 20+ family members down there so I agree. The only worry I have is it is really hard for my friends up here and the father's family to go there. The father's family lives four hours north of me, which makes it seven hours from my grandma. I have many friends here but none that are real close. I am worried no one will offer to throw one here where I live. In that case do I just invite the friends and father's family down to my grandma's? I wouldn't feel right asking a friend to do one here because I am not super close to any of them. What should I do?

1princess&princeontheway

Let your grandma throw u one down there...throw yourself one where u r. They arent really expensive...especially if u just make finger foods and stuff. Games r easy...just ask a friend to help u plan it....thats what friends r 4. I'm sure they wud b more than happy too.

jellybelly1015

Same boat, 13 weeks and dreading this. I have come up with this: I am asking my best girlfriend up here where I live to do one for coworkers and friends up here (letting her know I will help and keeping it as simple or as complex as she wants to go) and my lifelong bestie to do one for family in my hometown (with my mom and mom in law helping equally as to not leave them out Lord help me). This way my coworkers are happy and I just include my friends up here in that one and don't have to ask anyone to travel. Also, a lot of my family and friends are guys an hubby is friends with them, so family one, like my bridal shower will be coed, I might be weird on that, but fun having him there! Good luck!

momaynot

Isn't bad manners to throw one for yourself? I know people do but I don't want to offend people or make them think I am rude. I personally wouldn't care if someone threw their own but some people are funny. I might just have to wait it out and if no one offers to do it bring up my concerns to one of my friends here and hope they offer. When do friends mention it? I am just afraid that because I am not super close to any of them they will just assume someone else us going to do it.

1princess&princeontheway

No its not bad manners to throw yourself one. Well I know ppl who did it. I was going to but then my mom told me she was throwing me one

momaynot

My best friend from here moved across the country so I can't ask her and my best friend from college moved to nyc. My two bridesmaids still live here but we barely talk now. No reason we just drifted apart. I guess I can ask one of them and offer to help. Who knows maybe it will bring us closer again. Thank you for your suggestions. It is always better when you can talk things out.

kaylin

Some people offer and sometimes u have to ask. Even asking is not rude I had to with my best girl friend. Then she felt honored that I would ask.

cinnabon

Ask the father to give it for u. It can be a family event instead of just women. But it is very poor manners to throw your own.

MommyTo3

I would NEVER EVER throw my own or ASK someone to help with it......very poor manners......the correct thing to do is if no one from where u live now offers then send the invite to the one ur grandmother is giving......most people send gifts to special occasions that cannot attend.....in fact u could always insert a little note in the invitations: for those unable to attend due to distance/out of town guest.....the mommy to be is registered at (such and such) and accepting baby gifts any day of the week!!! Just an idea

cinnabon

Agree ^^^

1princess&princeontheway

@cinnabon and @mommyto3 how is it poor manners?! Its a baby shower! If there is noone to help you...why not? Its for your child anyways its not like they r bringing you a whole bunch of gifts... @momaynot ...sorry for givn u bad advice? But I'm sure none of your friends r THAT stuck up and wouldnt care whos throwing it.

letysfirst

My sister threw her own shower n I just helped her, I dont think its bad manners, just taking action...

cinnabon

It's been that way forever. It has always been considered poor manners. It's like saying "hey I'm pregnant, shower me with gifts" same with a wedding shower. Anything where gifts are the norm, its improper to throw it urself. Would u go up to someone and say "can u buy my baby a gift?" No. It's the same thing. I've never been to a shower thrown by the mother herself.

1princess&princeontheway

@cinnabon well then in that case its like your friend...mom...aunt...etc. Going up to someone and saying...hey can u buy cinnabons baby a gift?... Right? Baby showers r fun...it shouldnt matter whose throwing it... I wouldnt think any less of my friends/family if they threw there self one. And no matter who throws it...it IS saying "hey im pregnant shower me with gifts" because its a baby shower!

momaynot

I just feel funny asking too. @mommyto3 I think I will do that. I might also say to my friends I wish my family lived closer because I know it will be hard for you all to go down there ... and hopefully someone will say, "I can throw you one up here." But I won't count on that and I will just plan on inviting them down there.@1princess&;princeontheway no advice is bad advice, with all of your help and ideas it has helped me figure out what to do. Thank you...

laura536

It is super tacky to do your own shower. People normally don't have it until the end of the pregnancy, so they probably wouldn't mention it to you until you're further along. If people start asking about your shower, then you can mention the only one being planned is far away and they might offer to do one.

I wouldn't ask anyone to throw you one, my best friend at the time begged me to throw one for her second pregnancy, because she didn't get one for her first. She was so demanding about what she wanted, I spent way more than I was comfortable and then she was so unappreciative of any of it, we don't even talk anymore.

cinnabon

No. That's different because It's an unselfish gesture. My mom, friend, aunt is not asking for themselves, they are asking on my behalf.

And for the record, baby showers are NOT fun LOL. Few ppl are excited when invited to a shower. My own shower was the worst part of pregnancy...and I spent it on bed rest! I was like "ok ppl, PLEASE go home now!"

Jess510

@1princess&;princeontheway I agree throw your own. Or you can wait till that babies born and throw a welcome party for yourself.

cinnabon

but then again, my shower was huge with almost 200 ppl, so at 8mos pregnant, that's not something u wanna be bothered with

gabie

Just an idea...you can wait until the baby is born and throw a welcome home party for the baby. That way u can have ur baby shower with family and u can plan ur own party when the baby arrives because it is from u to the baby.

momaynot

@Laura536 I was thinking they wouldn't ask until down the road too. I will just wait it out. If I mention (at six months or so) that I wish it wasn't so far and if no one offers I will just go ahead and invite them all down there.

momaynot

@cinnabon I guess I am strange because I kind of like them but I know some people don't.

momaynot

@gabie I don't really want to do a welcome home because of all the germs (I know freak!) lol! But I think it is a good suggestion if I wasn't so paranoid. :">

blueberrysmom

I wish I could throw my own. I'm an event planner and we have a great space for a big party plus it's close to my friends. I guess I'm just kind of a control freak when it comes to events. Can my Mom throw it for me but have it at my house since she lives in another state? Thoughts?

laura536

@blueberrysmom My mom threw mine, but we had it at my house. She mailed all the invites and ran the party though.

momaynot

@blueberrysmom yes she can throw it for you and you can help her plan. You can have it at your house. You just aren't "supposed" to do it yourself. Technically family members aren't suppose to either but they always do. My grandma is doing mine but I just don't feel right doing it myself. I wouldn't care if my friend threw her own though.

blueberrysmom

@laura536 - that would work perfectly!