is it possible to be raped by your husband?

twins_on_the_way

***disclaimer*** yes, this is a "fake" account. before anyone finds me out and tries to say that im not real, i just wanna confess that i made this account in order to remain annonymous since i have another account on pregly and talk to some of you on facebook and by text. but the post is true and i need advice since telling this to anyone in my real life could cause an uproar in my life.

that said, heres what happened:
i have had zero sex drive since i got pregnant and have been totally turned off. the other night, mu husband rolls over and starts the foreplay caressing and i push him off gently and say im not in the mood. he continues. i say stop. this goes on for a bit. then he gets on top of me and tries oral, but i shut my legs. he pushes them open. shut. open. shut. open. by now, im mad and hes DEFINITELY not getting any. so he holds my legs open and begins again, so i take my hands and grab his head to try to pull him up. he grabs my hands and holds them above my head so tight that i lost that battle. he went at the oral like i was loving it, but i was crying and kicking and couldnt move my hands. next, he comes up and gets inside me as i continue to push at him and yell stop. he keeps going and im crying. he said 'you will like it if you just relax. you need it. its been a while' he finishes and then has the nerve to ask 'did you cum'. i said nothing, and rolled over and cried while he kissed and caressed me like we had just made love. Now, a week later, i still cant look at him the same. im hurt and devastated and just dont get it. ive never seen that side of him. im afraid to bring it up to him because it just seems awkward acusing my husband of rape, but is that what happened? what do i do? say? I am so in love with this man and im so confused. am i wrong?

any men lurking on here that dont usually comment, i would love your input.

myowndisaster23

If you didn't want it and felt forced it is rape. It is definitely possible to be raped by a boyfriend or husband.

1princess&princeontheway

Hmmm...im not a man but he should have quit..

tamsy79

Technically, yes, u can be raped by ur husband, and yes its a crime...
that sux. Sorry honey. *hugs*

myowndisaster23

You're feelings are valid and you shouldn't feel shame at all... have you considered talking to him or a counselor?

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Mommyy2Be

Same thing happened to me o felt so violated but hey......

beaded_bunny

Yes. Personally I would have called a lawyer after the cops

captivated

I think u can turn them in for it any sex that isnt consenual (sp) u shud feel safe enough to talk to someone ik I don't hav a sexdrive an hubby hates it but I do kno wat it feels to b raped by someone u lov an who shud care about u I'm sorry this happened but keeping it in makes it worst plz try to talk to someone ull feel so much better after u get it out

veteranswife

Yes and its a crime. It's called Marital rape.

twins_on_the_way

@myowndisaster23 i have CONSIDERED talking to him, but im afraid. its crazy cus he has such strong feelings on respect for women and i think he'd be very upset to find that i feel raped by him. idk how to bring it up. im scared, because i dont want to lose him, OR is this the beginning of something very terrible? idk its bizarre. its just not his personality at all

twins_on_the_way

@island_mommie2b exactly my thoughts. i was like "how are ppl going to believe my husband raped me? how do i prove it? its not your typical case. just lost and confused

OctMommy

Yes it's rape. I'm sure he thought you might get into it..but once you started crying he should have realized you were serious and stopped. I would be completely honest with him and tell him how it made you feel and how you feel now. I'm sure he's frustrated and has "needs" but he went about it all wrong. If he gets defensive and is not apologetic..man..I dont know..thats tough. Hopefully he will apologize and try to get your trust back. Sorry this happened and good luck.

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myowndisaster23

I can understand that, I'm not saying you should talk to him but if you want to and maybe want to avoid saying "rape" just explain how you feel hurt or you feel violated because you feel like he should have respected your wishes. I know you still love him, he is your husband, but you deserve to feel loved and respected. Maybe call a help line and ask for some advice... do you feel you should go to the police or are you trying to move on from this without going that route?

lalaliz

My college is doing a campaign on this exact issue. According to their stats 1.5 million women are raped by their husbands yrly. Ur not alone. U might be able to find a support group. Personally I am wondering if my father does this to my mother, due to crazy stuff that is coming out now that my siblings and I are older. its not something u want ur mother to go thru and ur children will not want this to happen or continue to u. U need time to think, and decide if it is something u can forgive, maybe talk to a therapist. I kno its hard because u feel violated, but ur a strong woman who is already asking for support. Good luck and my heart goes out to u!

Beautiful_Altar

It sounds like rape to me. I would definetly have a talk with him about it.

Kriss82001

My ex-husband did this to me. Rape is rape, no matter who it is done by & rape by definition is unwanted sexual penetration. I would talk to him first, but if you're scared, that's a serious problem, & that he held you down is an even bigger issue. More people would believe you than you think, & it has to stop, you are better than that.

twins_on_the_way

@myowndisaster23 i would like to avoid the police initially. we have older children and this would all be a big mess if the law got involved. idk. idk. smh

@lalaliz wow!! thats craaazy. makes me feel a little better tho (sorta). feel less alone. i think i will look for a support group or something. just wanna get passed this. we are newlyweds and i dont want him touching me anymore. I feel like he ruined me.

Leggs2011

that was def rape.. but hun since its been a week or so I don't know how much of a case you have. BUT I would still go down to the police station and make a report so that if it does happen again #1 he will be considered a threat easier(I would think) and #2 you will have more courage to go to the docs and the police(I would think)

That's just my opinion. I really hope he doesn't cross that line. If you really love him then try going to a conselor to talk about the incident. Then you can invite him and tell him how you fell/felt and you will be in a safe environment just in case he gets mad.

myowndisaster23

I only ask because I figured you were trying not to go that route. I would say just talk to him an tell him how you feel. I'm so sorry you're having these worries right now, you shouldn't have to especially being pregnant. Call a help line first and then sit him down... you deserve to voice your feelings.

Proudmomma

Its rape and unfortunately a lot of women get raped by their other half. He may have not realized you really didn't want it but it was in no way acceptable honey. I'm so sorry. If he isn't abusive any other way I would try to talk to him and explain. But be careful cause he may get angry that you feel it was rape.

I hurt for you. I'm truly sorry

bkuneki

Marriage is NOT a linscene to rape..
If it was un want it IS rape...
I am So sorry you went through that
I was raped@15 wks pregnant
Not by bf but by someonei thought was a friend best thing is get seen by ur doc to make sure everything is okay with baby (not trying to scare u) but the added stress worry and hurt (physical and mental/emotional) is not good
and find support groups or counseling
Again im sorry

twins_on_the_way

thank you all for your concern and opinions. im going to try to do more research on marital rape. i have been browsing google over the past few minutes. i also will do some praying for the right words and sit him down and tell him how it made me feel. the problem is too that he has always been persistant about sex, its just that i usually give in. so im afraid it could happen again and he'll be oblivious. and then this will be an ongoing problem

twins_on_the_way

Persistant NOT forceful, this was a major difference. thats why i was fighting and crying. but even his persistance has annoyed the hell out of me

Jess_Jude

Well im not a guy but I talked to my bd about this. He said the best thing to do is to get someone that u both trust or a tjerapist, let them know and have them there when u talk to him. Someone in the midde so he doesnt feel like he has no support that way he cant hurt u if he gets offended.

mommyto1soontob2

I'm cryin omg u need to do somethin he can't get away with tht. I can't believe tht I wanna hurt him for tht!

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mommyto1soontob2

He has mental issues if he can do this and be aggressive and not see anything wrong! If u were cryin he shoulda stopped. My friend had this happen two times after the first and it got bad she had a miscarriage from it. He liked the thrill so much

[Deleted User]

I would think that since he also performed oral sex on you that you were not only raped but also molested and possibly "sodomized". The fact that he didn't stop at no, and didn't even stop when you cried and cried, disturbs me and makes my skin crawl. And then to ask if you "came" is him blatantly showing his disregard for your pleas and begging him to stop. Please get help. I haven't been on pregly in a long time but I felt that I needed to say something.

Maranda3

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this babe. No one should. You said stop, that means the same for a stranger our your husband. You need to take action: doesn't mater if you go to the police, or confront him, but something has to be done. Not to sound like a negative nancy but if you DO confront him please let someone you know know whats going on. This *could* be a glimpse of a not so nice person, I hope thats not the case, but you can never be too cautious.