betrayal, distrust, emotions... kinda long vent plz help

beautifulnightmare

ok so this week i found out that one of my friends happens to be my husbandx ex's. one that he didnt mention to me... ( a little back ground, my husband and I have been together for 3 years, but took a 8month seperation in the begining where i moved 600 miles away to be with my family. we both saw other people...) when we got back to gether he kept recieving emails from someone on myspace, and eventually curiosity killed me.. so i hacked his account and flipped when i saw that it was on ex. What ever we were seperated right... well she kept emailing him and I stepped in and told her off, told her to get lost and we are back to gether yada yada yada... Now 1.5 yrs later I meet her on my own not knowing who she was till she found me on facebook, and asked me if i was married to him or just related. Now Im having issues. I know that he was with 2 women when we were apart, but now theres a total of 5!!! granted i wasnt a saint either, but whats really getting to me is there theres emails from him to her saying he still loves her and misses her a month before we got married! and that the last time they hung out was right before we got married! our wedding curcimstances were unique, he was on probation in one state and i lived in another, so in order for us to live together we had to be married, so he came up for the wedding, and had to go back home 5 days later for a month before his probation transfered him to my home state.. nothing about our relationship is normal, nothing!!! but now im wondering how much more he lied to me about. the more i read his emails the more i become pissed, because he not only dated her, slept with her, but purposed to her as well! she was ultimatly heart broken when he broke up with her to come back to me, but honestly theres always been a small part of me that wonders if he is with me because he knows that i have always taken care of him.. in 3 yrs he hasnt worked one single day! i have supported him the entire way. I always used the excuse that he has a background and couldnt find a job, but now i think its just because he didnt want to work. Honestly i dont know what to think any more. I dont know what to do. I go see my husband friday evening, (hes in jail) and I have all intentions on bringing this up to him. At first I thought it would be funny to tell him in some sick demented way that she was living with me, or a new bestie of mine, then we thought about bringing her to the meeting with me just to see the pure shock value of his face. Now i have a feeling what was just supposed to be harmelss play is going to turn into heart break somewhere. I love my husband and I know theres things about him the make him worthless, in other peoples eyes, but in my eyes i love him and to me the best type of love is unexplaineable. and i cannot explaine why i love this man.... She told me tonight she has a lot to tell me about the time we were seperated and they were together, frankly im scared. I know its not her trying to break us up, and thats because she is happily engaged and living a wonderful life. I dont know if shes trying to help or if in this case ignorance would be bliss. Do i want to know everything or should i leave the past in the past. My husband doesnt know every little detail about my life when we were seperated, and im not sure how he would feel if i were to tell him the truth, but where we live now theres no chances of him running into the ppl i was with then.... Am i being hypocritical? emotional, or is there reason to feel this distrust and feel like I was betraied...

[Deleted User]

Your husband is the only person that you need to talk to about the situation. And honestly I would be upset too but like you said it would be a hypocrite if you knew you was doing the exact same thing but getting on his case.

I say sit down with your husband, tell everything, forgive, and move on. Also, maybe get some counseling to help build trust.

Good luck, dear.


And one thing my parents told me when I got married and I must say is the best is.....don't tell family and friends all your business. Don't let everyone put their input in...especially ppl that have never been married. Single life is nothing like a marriage.

Mommy_love

I really think u should leave the past in the past! Although this woman may b engaged or watever u still dont knw her true intentions! Women today r different. They go GREAT lengths to break up a happy home! If u guyz were seperated then leave it alone! U will only end up hurting urself more if u keep digging and digging!

Kcantu2

Idk. Knowing would be hard, but so would not knowing. But, ultimately uou werent together so do you really want to be hurt over something that a. Happened in the past, and b. Happened when you werent together?

armywife3

@NewMommy_NavyWife
@Mommy_love

Great advice!! =D>

MrsWilliams

Don't allow that woman to cause more insecurities in ur marriage. What may seem like happiness with her being engaged means NOTHING. Women love to find out that what they can tell u can make u squirm while they go their separate ways with a smile. I say stop now, like u said, he doesn't know much about ur relations during yall separation. If u love him and plan to be with him in the end; let it go! Hope this helps!

[Deleted User]

@armywife3 thank you ma'am. Lol

beautifulnightmare

thankyou ladies. this has been eating at me horribly, and i keep putting it off as haha, funny, but when the lights go out all i can do is think about it, i have spent the last 2 days non stop thinking about this, and it hurts in a way but im wondering if that hurt is beacuse im allowing it to hurt... im just gonna let it go, the past is the past for that reason, we are happily married now, and thats all that matters! thankyou for your help, sometimes its best to have a non judgemental and objective opinion from a third party! muah!!!

[Deleted User]

Welcome dear! Good luck.....i wish you the best in your marriage!

brodysmamma

This is a sucky situation and I am sorry but honestly you got the knowledge You wanted from this girl now leave her out of it. I say talk with your husband and you two work it out but don't make excuses for him either he needs to equally be involved In creating a happy home and bringing in finances. And I think counseling would help Just so you two have a neutral person who wont take sides and has a professional opinion help you two work through things. Good luck and keep us posted.

brodysmamma

I also think it may help if you two became completely honest with one another That way there is no wondering and nothing can be brought up as secret again. I am the kind of person I need to know and if I hear it from the one That needs to tell me it makes it easier for me to move on because I feel there was honesty. But that is me and that's something you two can discuss. It may help you two have a better connection and be able to trust one another.

beautifulnightmare

thanku @samantha i know that i should of been more honest with him, about our seperation but honestly i am slightly embarrassed about our seperation.. there were no inhabitions and i never totaled them up until the other day, i told him i had only been with 2 ppl, and thats because i had to, they were the most likely for him to run into when we lived in that area, but now that i think about it was like 7... 7 ppl in 8 months is horrible! and i feel entirely way too sluty to admitt that. maybe thats why i just let him say he had only been with two ppl... the numbers matched. so i didnt care. is my conscience finally getting to me! ????!

brodysmamma

No and Its understandable to Not wanna tell but technically you two were separated so he prolly didn't feel the need to be completely honest either. He also prolly didn't think it would come up again and figured the subject would be dropped but I think for peace of mind and to help your relationship you two should talk. And no one is ever completely honest with their "numbers" anyways. I just say honesty is the best policy and it will help you two I think.

lexi34

@beautifulnightmare I think you should stop taking to her its only gonna make things worst and have u second quessing every little thing..she gonna tell u so much shit that its gonna make u resentful towards ur hubby. Am not to a fan of women lettin men sit around while they buss their ass to pay bill and take care of home but hey its ur life and that's just me..leave the past in the past turn a new leaf and live ur life good luck with everything hun.