q to all military mommies

skaihall

ok so we are new to this army thing. fiance leaves feb or march for boot camp im due sept 1. i have a two yr old from a previous relationship. her and i are both extremely attached to my parents. problem is there is no army housing in ohio. he will be doing one yr on one yr off which they can extend whenever. im just really scared of leaving my parents esp bc i know how attached my daughter is to them and vice versa:( also,its looking like our wedding which did nt have any set date at all is going to have to be before his boot camp. we are both stressing and i feel really overwhelmed about the weddimg,the moving and everything...help

Kindell

Take a mintue to breath! Im sure.youll be fine as for the wedding do the court house thing then plan a real wedding for after basic that will take some stress off.... Moving is easy the govt does it for you...if you have question about moving my husband is tmo (house hold moving) in the air force so I can answer those questions. As for being away from family.... You make friends with other military wifes we stick together

Leggs2011

I miss my mommy so much. Its been over a yr since I moved. So far it hasn't gotten any better. Sry, I have no advise. Just try to call and text a bunch.

Bunny_424

hunni im an Air Force wife of going on 2 yrs now... my BEST advice to give u is to stay near ur parents or some type of support system since u are pregnant! Only because you WILL need to help and support. Outside of the pregnancy, i hate to say it, but hun you and him are going to have to get use to not being around family! Thats the life of military! My husband and I had to move our wedding date up as well, he got called to training a lot earlier that it was anticipated. There's nothing wrong with that... you do what u have to do! We missed out on having a big wedding but we will do it for our 5 yr anniversary... we had our close family and friends there and it was just a memorable!

You dont want to make your first experiences into military life any harder than they have to be.. a yr is a long time to be separated but it comes with the lifestyle. I hope this helps a little

Leggs2011

Oh and the govt didn't help me move. And they only gave my hubby 7 days to find a place. So we got a crappy apt that I didn't even get to see ahead of time.

Kindell

@leggs2011 sry to hear that but normally they do help.
And ladies she needs help dont scare her. Being a military wife is hard but none of you said anything about the good parts.

cetheridge

It'll get easier being away from ur family. We lived 10 miles from.my parents until my son was 3 and now we live 5,000 miles away from them. You have ur own family now, start ur own holiday traditions and enjoy as much time as a family that you can. As far as moving make sure both u and ur daughter are on his orders and try to get a jump start on looking for housing. Try www.ahrn.org (might be .gov or .com been a while) they have houses/apts on there where they prefer military tenants. Some reduce or waive security deposits. Its alot to take in but try to be as proactive about everything as you can be. My husband went in in '00 got out in '05 and came back in '08 (he hated working with civilians) there are a million benefits other than the pay/medical. It does suck alot but if you try to avoid the - and look at the + of it yall will be fine

Leggs2011

So far I have seen no good things. Or I would say them. Just my opinion.

Kindell

@leggs2011 im sorry you dislike it so much but please dont.scare someone asking for advice.

Bunny_424

@ kindell and @ skaihall ... didnt mean to sound negative at all. so if it came off that way my bad... i thought i was just sticking to the point of the question lol. There are good parts to living the military life as well, but she specifically asked about housing and being away from her parents. Sometimes its best to give the most realistic responds if u've experienced them already first hand. Since OHio didnt have any housing available for her i would suggest staying near family would be the BEST thing being pregnant and with hubby being away for a yr or possibly more... so Skaihall if i have scared u in any way please disregard that... i just look at it as the military is a big job. For our spouses as well as for us (the family). So if u have the option of stayin with ur support system them by all mean do it! If that works for you and ur hubby!

cetheridge

@leggs2011 it gets easier, sucks horribly when the soldier is on the bottom of thr totem pole and just starting out. But it does get better. We're getting ready for our 3rd deployment now. Like any job it has its downsides but if u step back and look at it as a whole things are the way they are for a reason. There are nights my husband doesnt get home until midnight and has be to right back at work at 4am but its just part of it.

Leggs2011

Like I said its just my opinion.

Kindell

@cetheridge very well put and the questions about moving goes for anyone that needs them answered. My husbands bewn tmo for four yrs now so he knows almost everything.
As for moving and being on his orders you have to be legally married to be on his orders so make sure you are and get registered in finance n deers and you wont have any problems.... Finance you only need you marriage licence and only he needs to go as for deers you need ss cards with correct last name and drivers licence remember those take time to get...so dont wait

armywife88

It's hard for the 1st year but gets easier...been a amry wife for 4 years now and love it...u will make friends that will become like family to u ....good luck

Leggs2011

Dereks been in for 3 years and just re enlisted. Wish he hadn't. But he said he did it since I'm pregnant. Great so he'll be gone for the first year.

@skaihall for the wedding. Make sure u get to invite ur family. Only my mom and one bro got to go and a lot of his close family. I wish often that I would have waited so I could have had my dad there to walk me down the aisle. It was so last minute that people didn't even take video. I have a few pics from crappy phones and throw away cameras. If you can plan as much as possible. Its been over a yr and we still haven't had the 'real' ceremony. With the army its hard to plan for stuff. Esp since the army likes to make changes. GL though

cetheridge

@skaihall it's def going to take getting adjusted to for u, ur husband and ur daughter. Just be as supportive as u can be. Me personally I will go with my husband anywhere the Army sends him (hell I'd go on deployments if they'd let me) but thats just because I know the sacrifices he makes and I am willing to stand right beside him 110%. Not going to sugar coat and say its unicorns and rainbows because a good 40% of the time it blows horribly BUT keep in mind it sucks for them even more. While we're here hating that they're deployed, they're deployed missing home, family, creature comforts and getting bitched at. There are programs and grants for u to go to college completly free, my advice is take advantage of them! I LOVE my family, but after being away and doing things our way I can handle short visits home before I'm ready to get back to "our" normal. We are stationed in Alaska and our families are from Georgia and Florida and later this year it'll be me, our son and new baby up here and husband will be gone for another year. Only thing we can all do is dig in and tough it out. For ur kids, try to keep everything as normal on routine as you can. Sorry so long, but dont let anyone scare you. Its REALLY not that bad

skaihall

@leggs2011 his recruitor said if we did it before basic they would pay moving costs so idk

cetheridge

Anywhere that is a family accompanied tour the military will move you or pay u to move urselves. Just make sure that u both are reg w DEERS and on his orders. Also make sure u have all custody paperwork for ur daughter.

skaihall

i just know the mere thought crushes my mom

skaihall

ok idk how to get custody paperwork but i def have custody her dad is a piece of sh!t

cetheridge

@skaihall you could try to get to get him to sign an agreement w a lawyer, but u def cant take her out of state without it.

mandac10

Ok im a army wife it's not all bad. My daughter was super close to my family and I am from ohio as well! We r currently in hawaii. They will move ur household goods so u do t need to worry. They will fly u out as well. I recommend base housing it is way easier to deal with. My daughter is from another relationship and along as u weren't married to the father u should have no problems. U need to set it up with the courts when u find out where ur going to make it leagle. I have the ohio form u need to send. If u would like to inbox me with ur addy it something I can send u a copy. U send that and ur husbands orders so they cam see
As long as u have full rights and father only has visitation u should b good. Hope I helped and good luck! Army strong!

skaihall

ugh this is all too much

skaihall

luckily he doesnt even have visitation

cetheridge

@skaihall like i said earlier it seems overwhelming but do what u can and dont stress too much. U have plenty of time between now n basic.

skaihall

@everyone.. thank you! he just acted like i wasnt getting the serioisness well, its sunk in now

mandac10

@skaihall sweetie its really not that bad. you will make plenty of friends and there is a thing called the FRG and its wives and some husbands that stick together during deployments and help each other out. they organize things like cookouts and other events together. it can be fun if u make it that way. plus there are so many discounts and things to do like marriage retreats!! gotta love those! u get to stay in nice hotels have free daycare and eat 3 meals a day and the food rules! it seems more stressful then it is! if they dont have a house ready for u when u get to where u go they will provide a nice hotel on base or near it and help u guys out. now is the time to pull together, grow up, and become a real woman! and i mean that in a good way! u have so many opertunites now that are going to be amazing! so many of us have done it and im happy to have u join out lil group of military wives! we can and will help u any way we can! ;-)

skaihall

22yrs old guess it is time! im glad i have your support. my friends and my mom who is my best friend will def be crushed. i just dont wanna hurt my mom. she says my daughter can stay with her lol she is feeling it too and i know my daughter will i have amazing parents

skaihall

how bad do you think itll be on my fam when my new daughter is here. ogosh im a mess of hormones lol. ps. i was nt offended or scared @leggs2011 s comments or any others i appreciate the honesty. thank you all for looking out for me, youre amazing

cetheridge

If it makes u feel any better I'm due within a 2 week period when my husband will be gone for back to back month long tranings. And I have NOONE here or that can even come up. Ur family will get used to it. Btw whats his MOS?

JessicaLee

My husband and I are both active duty Air Force. Being away from family is crappy, but you get used to it. The military offers many programs for families and spouses. There are also support groups and military spouse groups, you just have to do some research. My husband is about to spend a year in korea and will miss the birth of or first child..it sucks, but life goes on.