Update: come get your daughter.. having issues

edited June 2011 in Parenting
So I posted before that my daughter's father abandoned her at his mom's and after not being allowed to see her because of him I was told to come get her by her grandmother.
So heres the update.
I went to her graduation and afterwards had all the paperwork signed and notorized. The grandmother gave us everything. Clothes shoes toys her bike.. Like everything...
The first week was Hard, she seems so different.
She used to be a quiet, loving, sweetheart..
But now she fights alot with her siblings.
Shes bossy and demanding. She throws fits and will cry over ridiculous things.
She closes up when you try talking to her..
She has problems with wetting the bed.. Its like an everynight thing.
She wont even talk to her paternal grandmother on the phone since we've picked her up.
She has had absolutely no structure in her life. No discipline and its taking alot to break her of these habits. She hasnt ever eaten at a table with a family.. Shes never been told to pick up after herself.. Shes never been in the corner or had a butt spanking.. So its been difficult.
As the weeks go by she is becoming better with her siblings. I think she might be feeling like part of a family now..
She has clinged onto my husband and is very desperate for attention from him. I guess its because she never had a father figure before?
Shes getting good at understanding the rules and her fits have settled down alot.
She still has her days. The only problem is she is always hungry or thirsty.. Which is weird because even 20 minutes after a huge meal.she wants food. I think its something else but im not sure... I dont think shes really hungry because if you give her something she takes 2 bites and then she is done with it. The bed wetting is frustrating. Shes 5 and is wearing pull ups at night. I dont know what to do. I called some doctors and they wont do anything until she is 7!
I try to not give her drinks before bed but its like it doesnt help. I make her sit on the potty and she wont go..
As far as her father goes..
Hes in jail.
He broke into his moms house and pawned lots of her stuff.
Jack hammer for his fathers work..
Computer..tv..surround sound..vaccuums..
Even his own deceased grandfathers gun..
The cops were called they arrested him and found a syringe on him. (ewww)

im just happy my daughter is finally out of harms way... But now shes in the room arguing with her sister over God knows what so I have to go.

Comments

  • Parience and some family/individual counseling. She's been thru the ringer and while you and your Husband being consistent is great, it sounds like she needs just a bit more for some underlying issues that perhaps only a professional can get to the bottom/root. I remember your post about going to get her so I'm super glad she's back with you >:D< where she belongs!
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  • Give her time. This is a MAJOR life change for her. Just be sure to give her alot of POSITIVE attention for her to respond to... kids yearn for attention... good, bad... anythings better than nothing in their eyes... I agree with the other poster. counseling works wonders!
  • She was so used to eating snacks all day.
    She would come in every 20 mins wanting cookies or chips or a jelly sandwich(she wont eat peanut butter)..
    I finally told her we have breakfast lunch and dinner and she can have a snack inbetween lunch and dinner.. And so far its helping but not completely..
    When shes bored or just wants to see what we are doing.. Like if im peeing shell knock on the door and when i answer it she pauses and has to think and then will say shes hungry..
  • We have children in our home that have been in similar situations. A good councelor is a Godsend. We actually had to put the 7 year old on antidepressant for a while for anxiety. Message me or email me i can give u some ideas. Eaparker83@gmail.com
  • I read ur post before n i am sooooo happy it has worked out for all of u i am at tears of joy for u n prolly because ur story hit close to home i hope it gets better good luck
  • Sounds like she is using the food to make sure she knows you will be there for her to care for her. Help her in other ways, spend quality time with her.
    As far as the bed wetting goes, she might not know its okay to get up in the middle of the night. Leave a light on so she can see the way and remind her before bed that its okay to get up at night and use the potty. It might help!!
    counseling will help too!

    Good luck!
  • It's a cry for attention. She always was jus free reigned n took care of her self knowin the only time she was given attention was for food. I really would call and see about gettin her evaluated now and then in a few months. This way u can charge these ppl with neglect! Also they can find what it is to cause this behavior. Most cases children ignore it and it won't resurface for years n many mental disorders happen.
  • Tonight was awesome.
    It started off with us getting ready to go to the store. When she first came back to me she would scream if you tried to brush her hair.. Saying it hurt her.. But tonight she didnt even flinch..and wanted to pick out the bows for her pigtails.

    We headed to the store, picked up dinner, came home without any fighting or big scenes and she actually wanted to help me..with everything. She put the dishes in the dishwasher.. She helped put all the food away.. She helped measure and pour things..etc..

    Then we have a tradition where every night before dinner we all say together rub a dub dub, thank you Jesus for the grub... (its until they understand what praying is) and tonight was her first night saying it.. And she said it with a smile on her face...where as before she just looked at us like we were all crazy.

    She didnt argue when it came time to putting on her pjs which getting her dressed is always a pain because shes 5 and wants to pick out what she wears.
    So i picked out these pjs that have a girly type skull on it and says punk princess(idk who bought them) and then I showed her my pelvic tattoos that match them and she said theyre her new favorite pajamas..

    I made a bedtime story about a girl who had a baby sister and she helped her mommy with bringing her bottle when shes hungry or blankie when shes cold..
    And she told me that she wants to be the best big sister to the new baby..

    Tonight we made alot of progress.

    I told her next week i would help her write her abcs before kindergarten so shes excited.


  • I think her being treated no differently than my other kids has helped her see how we all act as a family.. Im definately looking into counseling for her but I believe shes finally understanding what its like to be loved and have a family.
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  • You never know hun she could wet the bed threw fear mayb shes scared of her dad coming too take her or summut
  • I can't speak on the rest of it, but my 5 yo was potty trained at 3 and then we moved when she turned 4. She has accidents almost every night now. The pediatrician said its very normal and some kids are just harder to train at night. (My husband's job changed and I think the reason we thought she was train but he was really taking her at 2 am every night when he got home.) Anyway, to make a long story short, if we push her about it or make a big fuss, it gets worse and she wets duringthe day too. So we just let her wear the pull ups to bed and try not to stress. Given that there are a number of bigger kid "diapers" out there, I figure she's not the only one and no one wets forever, lol.
  • As for the bedwetting...I don't know. But as for the food issue, I'm thinking she wasn't given enuf before so she asks for it to see if she can get it. Like testing to see if she's "allowed" to eat. Let your daughter know that there's plenty to eat whenever she's hungry. & maybe try giving her lil snack all the time. Leave out a bowl of grapes or apples cut up so she sees that its available & she never gonna be hungry. Bless her during this time. I hope she copes better.
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