I'm a bad person and I don't deserve to be happy

mummylady83

My friend had a scan of her baby who's 11 weeks and then text me overjoyed that all is ok. She doesn't want this baby, all she's been doing is moaning about needing a bigger house a bigger car and bigger clothes. She's done nothing but complain about bad timimg and it being expensive but at least when she has he/she the benefits will be bigger and cover all the aggro she's getting from this baby!

I am still suffering after delivering my son almost 3 weeks ago at 21 wks. He was born sleeping. I can't help but wish I was still pregnant and that her baby had died. I miss my boy so much, we wanted him with all our hearts and love him unconditionally.
These feelings make me such a bad person and I don't deserve to live.

[Deleted User]

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Essie

I thinkyour being too hard on yourself. Maybe you need to tell your friend that your happy for her but would prefer that she give you some time to grieve before you can be happy for her too!! I would think she would have a little more tact than what she appears to. I have a friend who recently lost her first baby, not as far along as you and I have been really careful about her feelings when discussing things with her, making sure I feel out her emotional place before I talk baby at all. Worry about you right now and remember that sometimes you have to let yourself wallow before your ready to move on from the pain.

vette_devil

I agree. You're not a bad person for feeling that way. Anyone who's suffered such a painful loss would have those thoughts & feelings. Its perfectly normal. I would suggest looking into a grief support group or counseling to help you through this difficult time. I am so sorry for your loss & hope you will soon be blessed with a beautiful child.

babynumber02

I'm so sorry for you loss I couldn't imagine your pain. I completely understand your frustration toward your friend. Your feeling is natural and I hope your grieving gets easier for you. Not that losing a child will ever stop hurting. Prayers go out to you. I'm so sorry. I wish things like this didn't happen to good people. I'm sorry again for your loss

babynumber02

I'm so sorry for you loss I couldn't imagine your pain. I completely understand your frustration toward your friend. Your feeling is natural and I hope your grieving gets easier for you. Not that losing a child will ever stop hurting. Prayers go out to you. I'm so sorry. I wish things like this didn't happen to good people. I'm sorry again for your loss

[Deleted User]

@mummylady83. You do deserve to live everybody have bad think bout stuff. You is a good person in don't think that you not a good person when you are a good person. Your friend need to suck iit up in stop complain bout everything in need to be happy that she bring a new live in this world in stop complian to you bout dumb stuff. I'm so sorry from your lost

[Deleted User]

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mrsSilver

I know it doesn't feel like it now but kerrideeRN is right. It may take a while but things will get better. Honey I'm sure you are a sweet person and feeling this way now doesn't make you a bad one you just went through something very traumatic and no one would expect you to be Mary Sunshine right now. You deserve to live honey and you can make it through this just take it one day at a time.

lily_glz

I felt the same way, my sister and I were pregnant at the same timeour due dates were a day apart. I lost my baby at 8wks pregnant even that early on it was devastating as I saw her belly getting bigger while all I had left of my baby was a pregnancy test and scars on my belly from emergency surgery (ruptured ectopic) . I also thought why my baby and not hers? We wanted our baby sooo bad my hubby and I have known eachother forever and she had just a month before moved in with her bd.. it just wasn't fair I thought, and that was my nephew I was talking about!! She has a beautiful healthy 8 month old baby boy and I'm happy for her. I am 30 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl. Its all part of the grieving process

[Deleted User]

You're friend is being inconciderate of what you have been through. She needs to back off on her unwanted baby crap and either leave you alone or let the subject of her pregnancy sit on the back burner for a while. I wish I could lie and say you won't encounter people like this but they will be everywhere and rude and say things that are mean and hurtful even though they might not think so. I had to transfer to. A place 45 minutes away from my house to get away from a girl at work who thought she was helping me but just made it worse.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Anger and even resentment is part of grieving and its hard. I would just ignore people....which might not be healthy because I still ignore them 9 months later.

My dh fields a lot of this for me. He's a quiet man and constantly listening to people talking to me and intervenes if he feels they are upsetting me. People think he's mean but really he's saving my life.

Just tell her that you are dealing with your own issues right now and do not want to discuss her pregnancy. If she is your friend then she will understand. Again I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

nmartinez79

I remember when I had my first miscarriage I was so depressed and tried to kill myself. I was 17 weeks and was so excited to be a mom. At the time my sister in law was prego with her 3rd. I hated her and was jealous cuz she already had 2 healthy kids, why couldn't I have one . It took me a long time to heal and realize that even though awful things happen that don't make any sense, God has his plan for us and our babies. It was cool, I started having dreams about my son that seemed so real and different than any other dream. Each dream I had my baby was the age he would've been had I had him. I don't have them anymore but at the time it really helped me heal. I was so young at the time and married to someone for the wrong reasons. If we would have had a child it would've made things so.much more complicated, which helped me realize everything happens for a reason. I'm now remarried to my best friend and having our fourth. I promise u will heal from this and God will bless u with many beautiful healthy babies I know exactly how u feel and I hope u can find some peace to heal and move forward after your loss. Your son will always be with u and apart of u, remind yourself of this when you're sad and it will help:) let me know if u need to talk.

nmartinez79

I agree with ll10 your friend is being very rude and insensitive. Maybe u should just avoid being around her for a while so you wont feel worse surround yourself with people that will support you through this time

[Deleted User]

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KylieMommie

Get a life!

mummylady83

Did I miss something? :-\ @kyliemommie

jodi102011

Wow @mummylady83 I hope that comment wasnt for you. I was wondering how you are doing? Did you get a tatoo? I am thinking about it but I have not decided yet.

mummylady83

@jodi102011 I'm ok I guess, Benjamin would have been here by now had all gone well as drs were set to deliver me by 15/09 at the latest and his official dd was 29/09 so thats fast approaching too. I'm making an effort not to get hooked in pregly drama.. Yes. My tattoo is Benji's actual footprints. On my right shoulder, where I sense him. How are you doing now?

jodi102011

@mummylady83, that is cool about the tatoo. It made me teary eyed. My due date the first time was oct.14th they changed it to oct 23rd. I dont know what I am going to do those days. I am doing ok. We can start trying again this week but I am scared to death. We did a memorial in our back yard. It is so awesome. We have a fire pit with a tree and solar lights and shrubs planted around the walk way. I am still seeing a phycologist and I am also seeing a phychratrist. I am on prozac but now I am trying to come down in dose.

KylieMommie

@mummylady83. Someone who was banned talked someone into letting them use their account and they were going around posting nansy comments on random peoples posts. No harm to you I was just mad at that person for posting a nasty comment on someones post who had nothing to do with all the drama that went on.

KylieMommie

@mummylady83. Someone who was banned talked someone into letting them use their account and they were going around posting nansy comments on random peoples posts. No harm to you I was just mad at that person for posting a nasty comment on someones post who had nothing to do with all the drama that went on.

jodi102011

@mummylady83, wow I just looked at your tatoo on line. That is so beauiful. It gave me goose bumps. How did you come up with that idea?

Junebuggbabie85

@mummylady83 you are not a bad person at all, when I lost my first child and was told I would never have children I hated all pregnant women I would see pregnant women smoking or drinking and carrying on like it was nothing and I wanted to hit them in the faces and do evil things to them and I wished they would lose their babies because I deserved to have my child and they didn't. It's all a part of the healing process. I am so truly sorry for your loss and I know your pain. Just know that out will get better. You still never stop missing your angel and wishing they were here but the anger and extreme sadness will ease over time. Hugs momma

mummylady83

Ah ok. It was just a shock to see a post on this thread after all this time. Thanks. Do we know who the now deleted user(s) are? @kyliemommie

@jodi102011 We're launching lanterns at 19:08 from his graveside on dd to mark the date. I really don't know, i was doodling ideas one afternoon then all i did was change the arc of his wings and add the middle heart and bo it was done x

Pinkigirl

It will get easier. I feel like this is my mantra on pregly. It has been 2yrs since Michael was born sleeping. He was always a sick baby. For over a year seeing my friends or cousins pregnant hurt. I nurtured him as best I could but he was just too sick. I asked God why! I was at a store where a girl talked about having her third abortion & its no big deal. I broke down, I told her that it was cruel. I wanted mine & couldn't have him, how could she throw a baby away! To tell the truth, it was my breaking point. After that I was a bit better. Your baby is watching you & sending you love. I believe that Michael is watching Noah. And your angel babies will be there watching their siblings too. Lots of love & prayers!

KylieMommie

I can't remember there were so many people banned. I just got so mad when they posted it on your thread because you never have anything to do with drama.

jodi102011

@mummylady83 that is neat. I am not sure what I will do. I told my hubby not to plan anything with anyone that day. I wilo go to his grave site though

Babynewyear2012

@mummylady83 @jodi102011 if you ladies have facebook please add me. I try not to be on here much because my feelings got hurt pretty bad but I would like to still be in touch with you ladies...Cheryl N Mark Richard email Marxgrl@gmail.com

jodi102011

@mummylady83, I saw someone ask if they could use your tatoo? Not the same. I am not sure I will get one one but I would be honored if you wouldnt mind if I I got one similar to yours. I thought about doing his hands. Let me know. I wont use if you dont want me to.

jodi102011

@mummylady83 and @babynewyear2012 my email is jodi_meister@yahoo.com I am on fb. I still have your email too. I have trying to get online but it wont let me on pregly.

jodi102011

@babynewyear2012 how do I invite you on fb?