Third Trimester - neglected by OH??

Hi everyone!

Anyone else feeling neglected by their OH? My husband is not an uncaring person but I don't know what he is thinking - I am 29 weeks and counting and even though he was the one that instigated the whole family planning (finally), he never asks me how I am, and occassionally rubs/pats my back when he sees me in pain. I have those leg cramps every now and again, and he does massage them for me - and he comes with me to all the appointments. But in between there is no talk whatsoever, we haven't even started prepping for the arrival of the bump...I am doomed if I 'moan' to him, he ignores me when I say why doesn't he care and when I decide not to say anything, he never raises the issue. I come home from work with noone to talk to, apart from my parents whom I speak to mostly everyday. I live with inlaws too - so I feel that he should compensate me extra but absolutely nada and I am beginning to feel very sorry for myself and bump too! Only yesterday he felt the kicks for the first time when he came to bed at midnight, as we hardly spend any time together and feel depressed cos although I am happy that I will be a mummy, we are not making the most of the time we have beforehand together. The only time we seem to spend together is in the car when he picks me up and he will talk about the most irrelevant stuff in that time, 5 mins! I have started to do things on my own - prepare my hospital bag and stuff and going to order some items and book some time off from work to go shopping. I just feel like I am begging for him to take an interest/attention - is it a man thing???? I don't like to keep nagging him, but only do it for our sake but just feel so alone. The joke is that he tells his friends, "oh she is starting to feel the weight now" etc - but he has never asked me how I am feeling or anything, so how would he know!! Vent partly over....

Comments

  • I went through the same thing....my bd was ignoring me on a daily basis....I felt unloved ...he finally came around and told me that talking about baby really scares him...this is our second baby..our 1st is 3 and he just got used to one and now were getting ready to have another July 6....I Hope he comes around...I still have troubles getting bd to help but he's getting better...wish the best of luck to you....hang in there...when baby is here its not going to bother you....you gonna have so much to do and so much love...it'll be better...
  • Its hard, trying to make the most of these 'couple' days, instead i wonder how we even made a baby! I have taken a vow of silence and he hasnt even realised. I wonder if it is a man thing, a me thing or what. Lonely days...
  • My hubby is the same exact way... I tell him I don't feel well or that something hurts and his response is " I know". He won't even touch my belly or talk to the baby. Glad I'm not alone.
  • I can relate to feeling unloved, and untouched anyway. Mine talks a little about baby, he wanted to make sure we had everything bought last week but now he wants to be on autopilot...When I talk about ways we could get her to come faster (SEX!!) he just says "your due date isn't for 3 weeks calm down". We haven't had sex in probably a month who knows at this point and its been a fight everytime anyway so I just stopped caring or at least pretend not to. But I really feel ugly fat and unwanted and it sucks. As if we don't have enough issues with our bodies, it would be nice to be wanted! He don't understand that once she's here, there wont be any of that or any alone time. This is my 4th baby, his 1st....and its hard cuz my ex husband was a polar opposite on these issues with my other 3 kids. He wouldn't even let me change diapers for a week....so this is going to be a really different experience.
  • oh ya! Last night i was so mad i asked for a backrub and he always halfass does it and says his hands hurt after 30 seconds....this from a guy that works with his hands all day. I said we need to buy a rolling pin or something for delivery...and said you know i will need you to do that when im im labor...he said..."on all the shows i've ever seen, no one was massaging their wife"....WTF!!! I was sooo pissed. I was like um hello, thats like the #1 most used natural pain relief....are you serious!
  • I can't believe how selfish men can be...I get the 30 sec back rub also and the hands start hurting but he has no problem asking me to rib his back for 10 min...and when I wrong it up he always has some excuse...its hard...just wish they knew what it was like to feel what we do...they are suposto be our support systems... :( its a feeling of neglect and loneliness...
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