I want a baby but I don't think he does. what should i do?

excitednewmommy

I have been having the feeling I want to have a baby out of nowhere and now all of a sudden all I see is pregnant ladies. It gets to me to the point I cry but he don't know because he is just geyts mad when I talk about it. I'm not gonna rush into it or force him to get me pregnant I just wanna talk about our options and try and plan when instead of him just deciding when he is ready. What should I do ladies?

Hot2Cold87

Wait until both ready so that there are two happy active parents!

Janet_2011

Maybe you are talking about it way too much, to the point where he feels bad because theres nothing he can do to make you happy.. since getting pregnant is a process that can take a while for some people, try mentioning it in a nice non desperate way.. just tell him that you need to talk about it atleast once ..

[Deleted User]

Wait until he's ready also, you wouldn't want to scare him away with all of the baby talk.

[Deleted User]

I mean if he's thinking in the future but not now, I might try to find a common ground but he's totally against a baby that's another case. Men could have kids anytime but we are less fertile with age. Also its harder to deal with kids when your past certain age. If you want it that badly, you should be able to. This is something big. It is one of the life aspirations, would you put him on hold for anything like that?

excitednewmommy

@Janet_2011 and @Tootie08 I'm not pressuing him into it I've brought it up 3 or 4 times we have known each other for years and have been going out for a year he gets mad at me like I did something wrong but he tells me to pic a topic.@Hot2Cold87 I know that what I'm tryna do to see his feelings but all he wanna do is talk about nothing I make the convo. @ashthurs that's what I tell him plus females in my family have female prpblems and he does want kids he just thinkin about him all the time like he gonna be tho only onepaying for the baby. We said 5 years but he keep tryna say 30 I'm not waiting til then to have my first child.I won't have much time left to have anymore like we both want. Idk what to do it frustrates me.

mrs_shu

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

excitednewmommy

@Janet_2011 he don't know I cry about it I don't want to make him feel sometype of way.I cry when I'm alone and its like no matter where I go there is always a million and one pregnant ppl and he notices I get mad that's it. I just want to have one conversation about it but he keep talking about would I hate my child if it has something wrong with it and that's why he gets emotional talking about it but he don't.

laura536

Are you guys married or talking about marriage? If you've only been going out a year, maybe he's just not ready to make a commitment like that yet? I mean, if he isn't even thinking marriage, he's definitely not thinking kids. A better conversation to have with him might be where he sees your relationship heading and if he sees you guys married with kids 5 or 10 years from now. If he's not on the same page as you as far as those things go, then maybe he's not the right guy for you.

My husband and I dated for 4 years before getting married and were married almost 2 before our daughter was born. He felt like he was too young to make a decision before that and because I knew we had plenty of time, I was willing to wait it out. (Although, he really was too young, he was only 20 when we got married.) But financially and emotionally a baby is a huge commitment and not something he's just going to want to jump into.

Also, if you and your mother are both mentioning it to him, he may feel ganged up on and be even less open to the idea. Good luck!

excitednewmommy

@mrs_shu I'm 18 ill be 19 soon.

Mybabe

Oh just wait he might have things he still hasn't accomplished and knows it would be hard if a baby is involved are you in school???

lae3

i would go to the dr.. get checked out.. see what he says about your fertility.. if he thinks you may have and problems getting pregnant.. if you wait till your thirty.. you could always mention to you husband that the quality of your eggs start going down the older you get.. its best to wait till your both ready.. mabey see if hes willing to comprimise.. tell him you dont want to be old parents.. stuff like that.. but like some of the other ladies said .. dont mention it for a while.. and then bring it up at a good time.. while the both of you are alone.. and hes in a good mood.. lol.. good luck.. it took me 7 years to get my honey to even agree to have another child.. i wasnt going to just get pregnant.. cause i wanted it to be something we both wanted .. and he reluctantly agreed.. i wasnt even putting a time frame on it.. just a ... clarification if it will happen in the future..

excitednewmommy

@laura536 we've known each other since we were twelve and we have already been talking about marriage he brought up that topic not me. I haven't brought it up my mom did because she wanted to know I didn't tell her nothing. But I just ask general questions about our future and how he would like it to be. I don't barage him with questions about it.

mrs_shu

I think that's too young but I don't know you or your life. He's obviously not ready to have kids now. I'm afraid if you keep bringing it up or force him to go along before he's ready(if he's ever ready) you'll spend a pregnancy crying over your BD who isn't involved and doesn't seem to care. I understand wanting to talk about it, you want to know where things stand in terms of what you want. But if you're wanting to be a mom in the next year then he's not the guy.
Don't listen to what he says to other people (your mom) listen to what he says to YOU. So many guys are straight forward but females don't hear what they're saying.

excitednewmommy

@lae3 exactly I only talk to him about it alone so he knows only me and him are the only ones who know what we are talking about. He picked 5 years I said u sure because I'm ready when you are. I wasn't putting this on here to say I want one right now. I'm finishing up school starting my career and then we will. I just really want to know what to do because I don't know where this urge came from.

excitednewmommy

@mrs_shu I understand but I'm not talking about in the next year I'm taling about after we get into our careers. I put this on here to figure out what I should do to talk to him about it so he feels comfortable. I don't want to be 30 with my first kid or I have to adopt because I cannot and him not taking care of it just me I just really wanna know where his head is at but I think his mom and dad are on his case but me and him don't even have sex because we don't want to have to rush into being parents.

excitednewmommy

@Mybabe yes I'm in school. And I'm not trying for a child now I didn't see one that matched what I was tryna say. I just want to find a way to talk to him without him being mad at me.I honestly haven't brought it up for like 2 months and before that it was january

laura536

The urge is hormonal and it happens. The best way to deal with it, in my opinion, is to set goals to work towards, so that you feel like you're getting closer to it, even though you aren't actively ttc. For example, we knew we wanted to be married and financially stable, so we weren't relying on wic, foodstamps, medicaid, or our families for help, so we set the goal of getting married and established in our careers. And then my husband wanted to own a house. So that was something we worked for too. And once those things came together, we started ttc. I met my husband when he was 16 and I was 18, so I know about being young and how much it sucks to wait.

We have a 5 year old now, and I wanted a second baby almost immediately after she was born. My husband lost his job, though, so we had to wait until he had a job with insurance benefits again, and we were just able to ttc again this year. But I don't think you should ever plan to have a child when you aren't financially stable, so sometimes, we just have to suck it up and wait.

Your boyfriend sounds like he has his head on straight and his priorities in order. I would wait it out with him and give him time to grow up and get a good job. The other thing I had to do (and I feel horrible putting this on a pregnancy board) is distance myself from my friends that were pregnant or already having children. I think you'll find that the urge is much less intense when you have more friends who are running around enjoying their teenage life and not worrying about bills and kids and stuff.

valentinasmommy

If he's around you're age then I'm guessing that he still wants to have his life to be free to go whenever and wherever without having to being a baby along. Maybe he wants to get his college or future career worked out first. Idk too many boys 18/19/or even 20 that would be willing to. And it may also be turning him off(thats why he gets mad) maybe? You don't want to push him away and he's gone because you talked about the "baby" thing a lot. The baby talk can scare dudes away. Just ask him when does he think it'll be a good time to have kids and go from there.

mrs_shu

If he said 5 years then let it go for now. I don't think you should just wait and assume in 5 years it will happen but for now let it go. In the next year or two do what another poster suggested and have fertility testing done based on your family histpry. Bring it up again in about 2 years. Based on that convo, think hard. I have a friend who has already wanted to be a mom. She married a man who said before they got engaged and married he didn't want kids. Everyone convinced her he would change his mind. They have had sex twice in the last 2 years(got married this past October) because he doesn't even want to chance it. I tell you this so when you seriously bring it up in a couple years, you know the hard decisions you MAY have to make.

excitednewmommy

@laura536 thanks but he don't really have his head on straight its like I have to guide him sometimes and its hard to do that work and school. But that's all I wanted was to know there wasn't anything wrong with me because I've known him for 7 years we have liked eachother for 7 years dated almost 4 out of the 7. And even when we were seperated we still acted like we were a couple.

vette_devil

If you're 18 now, 5 years means you'll only be 23. That's not old at all. 25 is the average age of a first time mom. I was 24 w/my first & married almost 2 years. Having a baby is hard enough with two people who are both committed & ready... if he is not ready, it will be 1000x as hard. Don't push him, finish your schooling & save $ for when you are both ready. I think 5 years is a very reasonable & smart time frame for both of you. Good luck, honey.

laura536

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you, but there's not really anything wrong with him either. I don't think most 18 year old boys are ready to do the whole marriage and a baby thing. I know you want to plan out your future, but I would just drop it for now. Maybe bring it up another year from now.

excitednewmommy

@mrs_shu thank you. I appreciate it but now I'm kinda upset because peopl think I'm saying I want a baby now. Which I don't I just have the urging for one and I looked it up it said something about the desire to be needed is the reason why.

Hot2Cold87

If he gave u a time and u don't want one now anyway why are you so sad and discouraged do you not agree with waiting 5 years?

excitednewmommy

I'm getting upset because of the feeling I have and I really want to wait and its making me cry a lot because I thought something was wrong with me and for once he actually gave me an answer for something. It started maybe 2 months ago I thought I was going crazy or something.@Hot2Cold87

Hot2Cold87

Awww...its not you I'm sure I never wanted marriage b/c I never really seen good example of a healthy marriage now that I'm having my own child and family it seems fit but we are still young and my bf is not ready and it hurt b/c I took it personally cried secretly but him not just agreein I think is great b/c I feel it will be genuine when it finally happens just have to be positive and figure out if its worth waiting for for you no matter what anyone else thinks b/c both our parents think we should be marriad lol but we agree only when we both ready...I want pressure him you can always leave if you unhappy...

Hot2Cold87

I'm just sad b/c you keep saying you're sad and crying and I can't really relate b/c I never thought I wanted kids but I know how it feels to want something and it be like out of your hands it sucks but we have to figure out how to move past those things that bring us down I KNOW try working at a daycare that was half the reason I didn't desire kids lol

excitednewmommy

@Hot2Cold87 I'm not unhappy at all I just had thoes feelings and couldn't vent them to no one because they would go back to him and I didn't want him to know. We both want to have 2 kids and get married. And I don't want to pressure him that's why I just leave it alone now because it gets me too emotional and I end up crying.

excitednewmommy

@Hot2Cold87 I did work with kids that didn'tmake me not want to. But I just needed someone who can somewhat relate and give me some true advise that's why I apologize if I confused anyone on here.

Hot2Cold87

Lol...oh sorry I worked with kids and I love kids and actually majoring in education but my kids were handfuls and I thought omg how can u do this 24/7 anyway waay off subject...I hope you find the advice you are looking for!