advice re my sil

mrs_shu

My SIL has PCOS and was told after her and her hubby married (dec 2009) they should try asap because in a few years she may need a hysterectomy. He deployed in January and and came back this past December. She started clomid, had a miscarriage in January I believe and found out she was pregnant again in may I believ-this past Saturday she was 11 weeks.

1am today she went to the ER because of some bleeding (not a lot and no cramping) and at 5something am she texted me they lost the baby I spoke to her a little while ago and am hurting fot her and angry..she had a dr appointment last Tuesday and the tech there said listen that's the heartbeat and baby is kicking the machine..the dr today told her the baby died at 9 weeks!! He also said there was a cyst in her uterus he believes was pushing the baby somehow. I'm hoping it can be removed during the d&c.

I can't physically be there for her-were 1,200 miles away. I have my level 2 ultrasound tomorrow and 3 days ago we were agreeing id text her as soon as it was over...I'm not comfortable doing that now obviously, I don't want to do anything that makes it seem like nothings changed. Hubby(her brother) and I were thinking of sending her flowers on Friday (we can't afford it until then)...do you think that would be ok?

vette_devil

I think the flowers would be a wonderful gesture. Just don't be a complete stranger until then. You don't have to talk about your baby; just call her, tell her how sorry you are & let her cry. Tell her you're there for her any time & wish you could be there in person. You don't want her to feel like you're avoiding her like the plague. I'm sure she will understand it's a little awkward.

MyLittleLove

I think that would be so sweet of you two. It seems like a time to back away but in all reality she needs support. A frienda mom who lost her last.year reminds me of this all the time. They need support...

SaraS

When my friends have lost a relative I will call or take them out and ask what they want to talk to about. Sometimes it helps to talk about what happened and sometimes you want to think about anything else for a little while.

I feel silly actually asking but the people told me they appreciated it.

mommyof3girls

Flowers is nice. One of our friends sent us flowers after our mc and it was sweet because it was a life we lost and they were kind enough to understand that too. Sorry they have to go thru that.

VictoriaB

Aw, that's so sad ( Flowers are a kind gesture tho. Also letting her know you're there for her will make her feel supported. It's tough to lose somebody but knowing that there are people there for you is comforting.

blueberrysmom

That'a a nice idea. Maybe a plant instead of flowers since flowers die.

survivormommie3

oh i am so sorry and sad for her. i would be asking the doc q's as to why the nurse said baby was kicking and had a heart beat but yet died 2 wks earlier? i would def send her flowers- even just the thought counts. as for your ultra sound maybe call her afterwards and ask how she's doing, and if SHE brings it up then you can proceed with how it went. and dont hide it from her that you are upset with her, just let her know that you aren't sure how to tell her how things are going because you don't want to upset her but you do want to keep her in the loop.

mommyo3soon2b4

Thats so sad and heartbreaking that she was told baby was doing good and now that he had already passed. Maybe if you could send a peace lily or a rose bush that they could plant in rememberance with yellow roses....

mrs_shu

@vette_devil @k_babix0 @saras @mommyof3girls @mommyof3girls @victoriab @blueberrysmom @survivormommie3 @mommyo3soon2b4

Thank you all so much! The plant idea is good. Once we'll figure out where we're ordering from we'll look at all their options.

Hubby just talked to her. She's doing ok after the d&c, dr said the cause was the cyst and he's removed it. That's reassuring I hope.

@survivormommie3 the dr seemed pretty miffed about it according to her but the tech was at her ob's and the dr was just on call in the er I believe...completely separate from her own.