Stepkids :/

armywife3

I have had issues with my stepkids in the past and I used to tell my husband about them, but I don't now because he ended up thinking I didn't like his kids. They usually come to visit us every summer and I would literally shut myself off from them because I felt he let them disrespect me. We found out that their mom told them to give me hell and they have been succeeding. His son called me a "snitch" once because I was telling my husband the things they were doing while he was at work and my husband sat there and said nothing. When his daughter texts me, she addresses me as "girl" like we are best friends or something. When I told my husband, he thought it was hilarious. I don't allow my children to talk to adults like that and I don't think the s*** is funny. Given his responses to their actions, I just don't even tell him things about his kids anymore. I kind of understand he doesn't want/ like to discipline them because he hardly ever gets to see them, but I just don't like some of the things he allows them to get away with. They will be coming back next summer since my husband will be home from deployment and I'm worried about how things are going to go.

So my question is, how do you address issues you have with your stepkids without looking like a b****???

Janet_2011

Thanks to God i have no step kids, but if I did i would talk to my husband seriously about the way they behave, and if he doesnt get it then ill completely ignore them. since it isnt no ones choice how to raise those kids but their parents, it sucks.. but thats how it goes

vayanna

Shit mines finna make me leave sry for the language but damn they rude and disrespectful I gave up ob them they ain't allowed to ask me for nothing at all

armywife3

@Janet_2011 ...we've talked about it and he promised it would be different this time, but we'll see. I know how he is about his kids and I know he doesn't want them to leave with a bad impression of him or us. The thing with his daughter calling me"girl" just happened recently and he just laughed when I told him. I've just been ignoring them, but I feel really bad that we can't get on the same page with his kids :-(

Janet_2011

@armywife3 Dont feel bad, it isnt your fault. You try your best yet they dont know how to behave.

armywife3

@vayanna ....this is only some of what I've had to deal with with his kids, but its so crazy because if he says my girls were doing something, I'm all over them, but if I tell him about his kids, it's funny....It pisses me off and now since he's gone they've been contacting me WAAAAY more, but I don't know how to approach them with certain things because I don't want to look like the "mean stepmom"

armywife3

@Janet_2011 ...well I am thankful that they don't live with us and when I do see them, it's only for the summer #:-s

Janet_2011

@armywife3 then for the time you have them just smile , take deeps breaths and ignore their attitudes , if they behave bad.. let their dad deal with it since you dont really have much of a say on it

vayanna

I would lay it on the line to them be blunt because they are just testing you its let's see how far we can push daddys girl before she breaks let them know that if you guys ate gonna get along they have to respect you let them know they going to get a lot further if they do

armywife3

@vayanna and @Janet_2011 ...thanks for the advice

snowflake

i have had problems with my stepkids (which i have now adopted) and it used to be very bad and cause fights between me and my husband. they would tell crazy lies on me and he always believed them over me. every situation is different, but it took me leaving for it to get through to him how awful it was for me. i was only gone to my moms for a few weeks but we talked seriously and ever since i came back home things have been better. they still try to cause problems but now he has enough sense to know what they are doing,so it dont casue problems between me and him,but still causes some between me and them at times. i just try my best to raise them the best i can. good luck

armywife3

@snowflake ...We used to have a good relationship, but once their mom found out about me, she just put all this stuff in their heads and now they drive me insane. Hopefully it'll get better. I always told him, the kids are what's gonna tear us apart, so we'll see

[Deleted User]

I'm a step kid. I would be hurt if I knew my step mother had a problem with me, but then again I was well behaved. I think because she set the law, and acted like she was my mother so I didn't treat her otherwise

armywife3

@mommyforever ...but they aren't well behaved....and I don't have any backup when I try to set rules and give discipline. And their minds have been sabotaged by their mom...I'm lost.

[Deleted User]

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armywife3

@Mama2Bn2011 ...I had more issues with his son (which is the oldest) than with his daughter. His daughter is more clingy which is probably why she feels she can call me "girl" ...It's crazy. If I talked to an adult like that when I was younger, I'd be eating my teeth!!! I hope everything works out with your step daughter

[Deleted User]

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YNVTish

@armywife3 ... I can say I honestly DO .NOT ENVY YOU!

I was previously married for 10 years and was a step mother. When I divorced I vowed never again to date or marry a man with kids again.. and I didn't.

I think being a step mom is one of the hardest things a women can do. You get NO respect... Your feelings are NOT respected and NONE of your opinions matter.

Even when you think your the queen of your house.. the baby mama will prove you wrong every time.

This is s toughy! What worked for me was ... I stopped tip toe'n around my step daughter. I stop caring what the mother thought too. If my daughter did something wrong.. I called her out. If she was good I praised her.. and I kept her dad informed of EVERYTHING (snitch or not)

If things get bad he needs to know before they excellerate

litababy

@armywife3 it sounds like more of an issue with you and your husband being on the same page and parenting the kids together. My husband has two kids from a previous marriage and though the kids are young, my husband and I stay on the same page. I treat them like my own and have had no issues. Its hard being the second wife and definitely being stepmom..but you should expect that going in. I think things would be better if you and hubby are on the same page.

litababy

@armywife3 it sounds like more of an issue with you and your husband being on the same page and parenting the kids together. My husband has two kids from a previous marriage and though the kids are young, my husband and I stay on the same page. I treat them like my own and have had no issues. Its hard being the second wife and definitely being stepmom..but you should expect that going in. I think things would be better if you and hubby are on the same page.

octobernewbie

@armywife3 I am not technically a stepmom yet, but will be soon, but I think my situation is different bc I have been in his daughters life since she was born and she is now 2. She's still too young to really disrespect me but she is well aware of me being more laid back and her daddy being the stern one. He wants me to discipline her but I feel bad I will say it helps sooo much when the father is supportive of you getting respect .... I'm sooooo thankful that my SO is

BabyMcBride8_27

@armywife3 my fiancee has a 5, almost 6, year old daughter from a previous marriage, and she erks me to no end. she's no exactly disrespectful to me personally, but she's a spoiled brat, and my fiancee doesn't like to punish her because he rarely sees her. I posted about her a little over a week ago, or so, and most of the ladies said that I need to confront my fiancee, and tell him he HAS to take action, because I'm NOT going to stand for it. It's going to take a lot of work for us to get where we want to be with her, but eventually we'll get it.

As far as the kids' mother, she seems like she needs a reality check. It seems like she's angry at your husband for some reason, but she's holding it against you. I'd bring that up to your husband, too, because you did nothing to deserve that. If he refuses to change, you'll have to stand your ground, and lay down the law.

allyssasmommy

What he needs to do is talk to the mom I know how it is bc my parents have divorsed and remarried a lot so I'm that step kid and all I wanted it something to do w them and not have my parents talk about one another to us that's what causes problems also discuss a way u can disipline them u have the right to

armywife3

@everyone ....thank you soo much
@octoberbewbie ....that's how I feel.... I know I need to say something to them when they get out of line, but if this is the man I plan on being with (and it is), I don't want his kids growing up hating me. I talked to my grandma about it and she told me "you cannot let children run your household" and you know what? She's right!!!!
@YNVTish and @litababy ...I think you're right. We do need to get on the same page. I think the issue is he's more easy going than I am, so I think he fails to see what they do as a big deal. If and when they come back next summer, it will definately be some changes made around here.

Thanks ladies