I need my Pregly friends... I'm so sad & torn

jlobaby

I'm 33 weeks pregnant. Our baby shower is this coming Sunday, we just moved into our first house, I even finally got my official proposal including the ring... I THOUGHT everything was going great. I had some scares throughout this pregnancy. And I've been put on bed/pelvic rest twice so far... I just found that... HE CHEATED! During my 3rd month of pregnancy, he claims that he was worried/stressed/frustrated & had sex with some random girl. He said that he felt guilty afterwards, so he discontinued communicating with the girl. He says he knows that my health was more important, so he decided to not tell me, not do it anymore, & just try to move on... he's been crying for three days in supposed shame. I've been crying for three days in pain...I'm so hurt right now! I cannot believe he did this! We've built our own little family, and he risked it all, over a piece of a*s!!! He's been a step dad to my 1st daughter for 5 years now, our first son is coming soon... WHAT DO I DO FRIENDS? PLEASE HELP ME!!! MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS PAIN! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN THIS SITUATION?

blueberrysmom

Counseling might be a good idea if you think you have it in your heart to forgive him.

emy

U have to decide if u can forgive him and move forward. A non trusting relationship is a bad relationship that usually doesn't work out in the end. I hate to hear that, it seems like the worst time to b cheated on is wen ur pregnant.

jlobaby

every time I think about it, I cry. I know that's not good for the baby. I'm so very sad. I really don't know what to do...his family's so mad at him for doing this to me. I can't talk to my family about it, because they'd want to kill him. If you were in this situation, would you forgive? Or leave?

jlobaby

Well, he didn't actually tell me on his own... he says he wanted to bury it forever, because he thought telling me would cause more issues with the pregnancy. My daughter was playing with his phone, & the girl sent him a text message. She was asking him why he hasn't been responding to her messages. So, I guess at least he discontinued communication with her. When I called her, she told me that he hasn't replied since March. And she sends text messages a couple times a month, trying to get a response, but he never does...

Jess510

I agree counseling sounds good.

jlobaby

I need a hug so bad right now... but I don't want him to touch me. I have no one I can cry about this to. This sucks so bad guys, you have no idea. I tried canceling the baby shower, because I'm just not in the mood anymore. But canceling would raise even more eyebrows... So I have to put on a fake smile for 3 hours this weekend

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jlobaby

I hope that he's learned his lesson. I hope that he's remorseful. I want to forgive & continue to build our family, but I'm so afraid to. You guys are right...maybe counseling will help...

jlobaby

I really appreciate you guys, responding so quickly. This is really helping, because I've been suffering through this all alone for the last three days...

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jlobaby

That's the exact part I'm dreading, everyone wanting to rub on me & hug me... And say how cute we look together... If they only knew what I was REALLY going through right now! Uggh!

baileygoose

I'd say you just need to follow your heart. Don't feel like you need to make any decisions right away, just take it one day at a time. Only you know him and know the strength of the relationship you have.
If you do work it out though, I'd be worried that him feeling "worried/stressed/frustrated" led him to another woman. How does being stressed=affair. I don't like it. Kind of sounds like a cheap excuse to me. Not to sound harsh but I just always felt that if you truly loved someone you would have no desire to even think about cheating...yuck! (just my personal opinion). I can't even imagine how hard it will be for you to ever trust him again. And the fact that his plan was to never tell you??!! yikes, was it going to be easy for him to live with this? I'm seeing some red flags But at the same time, he DID stop communication with her so I would think that shows some remorse.
Either way, your feelings and emotions will change from day to day. Just take it one day at a time and follow your heart. Trust your instincts. Best of luck! I'll be thinking of you!

baileygoose

@BlessedMom_2X No he did not come out and tell her on his own! That's what I was hoping too! She said she saw a text from the girl so called the other girl! His plan was to never tell her and bury it forever....so I'm a little concerned over his LACK of shame and ability to hide it from her :-S

Ugh...I just feel so bad,sad,mad,angry,sick for everyone who's spouses cheat. I just can't imagine a relationship with no trust and so much hurt :-( I do feel that people can change though. I hope?? Blah...just so sad for you, I'd love to give you a big hug!

jlobaby

Thanks... Like I told him, what's done in the dark, comes to light. So there's no way he could've buried this forever. He then said I was right. But he at least wanted to wait until after the baby was safely delivered, because of my health. My emotions are all screwed up. I haven't left the house in 3days... I'm trying my best to shake this feeling & focus on the baby's safe arrival. This just hurts so bad.

mommyof3tobe

I'm sorry u have to go through this! I know the pain can be unbearable. I hope all goes well, and u make the best decision for your family!

jlobaby

Thanks... That's just it... I don't know what the best decision is now. A part of me says, walk away. A part of me says work it out...People say to weigh the pros & cons, but that doesn't really help. This, as far as I know, is the only downfall of our relationship. Everything else is wonderful! But the amount of pain that this one thing has caused, is weighing really heavy on me right now

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Chels

And maybe he stopped talking to her completely because she wasn't a good piece of ass?! Hmmmm just a thought since he didn't tell you on his own..

Angelmonkeymelody

I would forgive him but like alot has said don't do it right away make him pay for it he told you the truth so that is a big big plus

naliibby2

dang girl.. that's a tough situation... something similar happened to me wen I was bout 4 month pregg (9 now) where my bf started talkin n texting this grl that jus became our friend .. it never went that far to where they had sex o hooked up but I was sooooo hurt!! I forgave him n we both stopped taking to her.. tryna look past it for our bby.. his whole fam knew too n was sooo mad @ him.. but if anything else pops up I'm gone!!!! so idk that's a tough one.. if u feel that u can forgive him but of course never forget then give him another chance..if u can't get over it n b happy then best is to leave.. aggh I hate this shiiiiitttttt

[Deleted User]

@jlobaby honeyi am so sad for you. I'm on bedrest too and affraid the same thing might be happening to me. I wish I could hug you. Counselling is definatley the answer but make sure you see them first and like them.

survivormommie3

#-O im so sorry sweetie. i would recommend counseling or just getting rid of him. is this how he will always act when you are going through rough times? i would take a long hard look at the relationship. things aren't always as they seem. but i would look further into it. if he could do it then i would suspect he's done it before. but that's my feelings/thoughts.

Chels

I think you should try to work it out until you have your baby and then make a final decision because all this emotional crappy is not good for your baby but definitely make him suffer and feel like shit until then because he deserves it
P.s I'm 33weeks and 1 day pregnant with a boy and my shower is tomorrow.

Mybabe

I wish you the best in whatever you decide I know hard hard it is with learning how to trust again...

Mybabe

I wish you the best in whatever you decide I know hard hard it is with learning how to trust again...

jlobaby

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support, I need it so much... This is the first time (that I know of), that something like this has happened. He told his mom & dad about it, not me. So I was caught off guard, when they called me. His dad threatened to fight him, for hurting such a good woman. His mother & grandmother are disgusted with him. It's so sad, because my 8year old sees him as her dad. She doesn't know what's going on, I've been hiding my tears pretty well. So she's all running & playing with him, asking him to go to Chuck E Cheese, Toys R Us, movies, etc. And they're still going. He risked all we've built together for a piece of a*s! Are you serious? I mean seriously guys, we've built a lot together! We worked hard, before planning this baby. We paid off one car. We saved & paid cash for our house, so there's no mortgage payments, he inquired on signing my first daughter's birth certificate or adopting her. We just finished our house & have been moved in for about two months now. We built him a man cave in the basement, the floors/walls/decor everything is his favorite sports team. He just got my daughter a toy yorkie as her "big sister to be" gift... WTF? Why do all this? Why pretend to be a family, if you really don't want to be? I'm so confused. But I know I need to calm down, for the baby's sake... it's just frustrating. To forgive, or not to forgive... hard battle

jlobaby

@Chels: Aw congrats... that means we're close in due dates.. My baby shower was originally scheduled for tomorrow. But I postponed it a week, to try to deal with the current situation...

3rdangelontheway

sorry to hear that. from being in that situation with my 1st 2 kids dad of 6yrs i would say a man isn't perfect and lord knows they don't think like us when it comes to sex...but he was honest and wasn't willing to build your family on a lie.my kids dad was a BIG cheater and i got hurt so many times but he never left me for anyone,he always was there for his family and came home...but at the time i couldnt understand why because i was so hurt.we were engaged and was planning a wedding i had just had our little girl 2weeks befrore i caught him via emailing his ex,and that was the end of the rope... i moved out and moved on,now im with someone ive been with for 2yrs pregnant by and he still isn't my man... my kids dad still wants to be with me be married and wants to accept this baby,but im torn between the 2. now that my life is different i see that my kids dad was just young and growing into a family man,he was only 22 when we met and had our 1st and now that he is 28 he see everything different and want his family again... sorry my story is so long but im telling you this because men have to grow and learn if their young and if you have a man that loves you and that is their for you and your kids and takes care of home then let your decision be based on your heart and not your mind because your hurt...i dont know him and you know him the best, so just think about it and give your self some time to think....i based my decision on hurt and now i really miss having my family and my man being there because although i love this guy and enjoy him when he's around i still would rather have my family back the way it was and i wouldve just held on and gave him time to grow instead of putting us in this awkward situation and feeling like im still missing something. im not saying settle for less either just saying some men go through that stage in their life.... but good luck on whatever decision you make sweetheart and i wish you the best... i feel your pain

3rdangelontheway

sorry to hear that. from being in that situation with my 1st 2 kids dad of 6yrs i would say a man isn't perfect and lord knows they don't think like us when it comes to sex...but he was honest and wasn't willing to build your family on a lie.my kids dad was a BIG cheater and i got hurt so many times but he never left me for anyone,he always was there for his family and came home...but at the time i couldnt understand why because i was so hurt.we were engaged and was planning a wedding i had just had our little girl 2weeks befrore i caught him via emailing his ex,and that was the end of the rope... i moved out and moved on,now im with someone ive been with for 2yrs pregnant by and he still isn't my man... my kids dad still wants to be with me be married and wants to accept this baby,but im torn between the 2. now that my life is different i see that my kids dad was just young and growing into a family man,he was only 22 when we met and had our 1st and now that he is 28 he see everything different and want his family again... sorry my story is so long but im telling you this because men have to grow and learn if their young and if you have a man that loves you and that is their for you and your kids and takes care of home then let your decision be based on your heart and not your mind because your hurt...i dont know him and you know him the best, so just think about it and give your self some time to think....i based my decision on hurt and now i really miss having my family and my man being there because although i love this guy and enjoy him when he's around i still would rather have my family back the way it was and i wouldve just held on and gave him time to grow instead of putting us in this awkward situation and feeling like im still missing something. im not saying settle for less either just saying some men go through that stage in their life.... but good luck on whatever decision you make sweetheart and i wish you the best... i feel your pain