Sometimes I think about leaving him..

edited July 2011 in Depression
My bf and I have been together for two years, we lost a baby last july when I was 14 weeks, we've been through so much together in such a short time. Now I'm 25 weeks with our son and I feel like I've been having more second thoughts than ever, is this normal? Sometimes I wish I had never fallen in love with him so it would be easy to leave, I can't imagine things without him though, he's my best friend. But at the same time I feel like the passion and romance is gone and I miss it. He can be very irresponsible and make poor choices, we both have a bad background so we've struggled to change so we can be good parents, but it seems like he still has his head in the clouds. It's not fair to our son to get used to us being together to only split up later, but at the same time it's not fair to me to be depressed because of these thoughts I have. I know he loves me and he does so much for me and he wants to get married one day, but in the back of my head I have a hard time with it. My ex abused me and used me and did horrible things to me and both of my parents have done the same, so I have a very hard time trusting people and letting them be close to me.. so I never know who to let in because I second guess everyone. Talon has been so patient with me helping break down my walls and help me communnicate with people, our relationship has come so far, but I have a lot of trouble seeing our future. I really don't know what I should do anymore, I can't just be thinking about myself anymore. I want to wait things out until after the baby is here, but at the same time I don't want to keep feeling like this..

Comments

  • Have you tried talking to your bf? I was having the exact same thoughts when pregnant, but we communicated and things eventually got better. Pregnancy can be a huge mind fuck, its hard to figure out what's real and what's hormones. Try writing down what you're feeling and why, it might help make things clearer. I wish you the best of luck hun, I know its hard...
  • @natashalynn I don't want to just come out and say I think about leaving him, he would be so upset. I wouldn't know what to say and I would probably just end up causing a huge problem.. writing things down would probably help though
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  • @mommy_of_two you're right I just wish there was a way to really make him understand how I'm feeling and what I'm going through, I don't know how to make things any more real to him until the baby gets here, but I need him to start making better choices now before we end up in trouble
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