Feeling a little guilty .... and a little jealous ... and a lot like an idiot ...

Kriss82001Kriss82001
edited February 2011 in Pregnant
When I had my boys 10 years ago, I was too wrapped up in figuring out what I was going to do with my life and how I was going to support them, to really enjoy being pregnant. I knew I didn't have a future with their Dad, and he wanted me to abort them anyway, and really had nothing to do with the pregnancy. Now that I'm pregnant, and the Dad is the love of my life, I feel completely different about being pregnant. I'm more excited than I ever was with the twins and I feel incredibly guilty about it. Like I short-changed the twins when I was pregnant with them or something.

And I'm jealous because my boys and my bf have gotten incredibly close since he moved in with us two months ago. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy that the three of them get along, and that they finally have the male influence in their life that they truly deserve. I just feel left out now. I'm so used to having the boys all to myself, and they wanted me for everything. Even my bf ignores me when the boys are home because he's enjoying being a Dad for the first time in his life, and he was always meant to have a house full of kids, he's just that kind of guy.

And I feel like an idiot for feeling guilty and jealous. I'm not really an emotional person, I've always been the cool-headed one, and this pregnancy is turning that upside down for me, and I don't know how to deal with all the conflicting emotions. Any ideas on how I can get out of this spiral?

Comments

  • TekoasMomTekoasMom
    Just enjoy that ur bf is making up for lost times and the hormones get in the way of clear thinking. Think happy thoughts for u, the baby on the way , ur kids , and ur relationship.. u got it good now so make the best if it :) congratz
  • haydensmommyhaydensmommy
    Just be so soo happy that ur boys have time to be close to him and special to him before the baby is born. Also, realize how awesome it is that he cares for them. Imagine the opposite, if they didnt get along and care for each other. Sounds like a good situation to me, and they love mom, they're just excited about a male in their life. U are lucky, and its probably just hormones :)
  • Kriss82001Kriss82001
    I'm so incredibly happy that they finally have a man in their lives that deserves them. Just kind of ironic that this is what I've been wanting for them their entire lives, & now that they have it, I miss having them all to myself. Damned if I do & damned if I don't! ;)
  • coolbabybeanscoolbabybeans
    My 2 yr old favors his daddy over me and it makes me feel like crap but being pregnant with number 2 it helps a lot. Imagine if they were always begging to go do stuff you can't do or don't have the energy for. This gives you a little break form all the chaos and some time to relax. Maybe you could all go do something like the park......throw a frisbee or something.
  • Kriss82001Kriss82001
    It is nice to have the help now, didn't really think of that part. They still come to me for somethings, ill just have to get used to it. Its just that with the free time I don't know what to do with myself. I've already been put on maternity leave from work, so I went from barely being able to sleep to sitting around twiddling my thumbs, huge difference. I've never had this much free time, so I'm over thinking everything I guess.
  • coolbabybeanscoolbabybeans
    Lol, do some stuff for you give yourself a mani and a pedi.....or I know .....SLEEP lol :)
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